Looking at a very sweet couple
"I wish that is me"
Looking at a beautiful woman
"I wish I am as beautiful as her"
Looking at a happy family
"I wish that one is mine"

For every beautiful thing I see
My heart would feel touched and ached
Wanted those moments I saw to be mine

Looking at myself standing in the mirror
"I wish I can be less envy and just appreciate what I have now"

By the edge of the moors
Occupied by shadows cast
Its once closed doors
Unhinged by times pass

Centered in a golden arch
Above the mantle it spies
Generations of burning embers
And Masquerading lies

Benign to the naked eye
It's weft masks well
It's blood stained warp
Yet it holds dear
Within every woven thread
Lies the tapestry of fear

I can't be the one to save you,
I can't even save myself.
A novel is formed from what you went through,
Just to collect dust upon my shelf.

Our problems are one in the same,
We both seek the chance for love.
You have sorrow and heartache to blame.
While I'm left seeking guidance above.

We both feel empty and alone,
But we won't give each other hope.
We simply fake it over the phone,
And think it helps the other cope.

Like yin with yang, we coexist,
Because alone we cease to be.
But how much longer can fate resist,
The bond between you and me?

Ink stained tears lace my pages

splatters of lost joys hit the paper

like the slamming door in my face

and my heart thrown to the pavement.



Life has grown dark

Even hope is hiding

not even pinholes of light

have the decency to show.



ink stained tears fill my pages

as pain moves in to marry sorrow

such bedfellows are meant for eachother,

not like Me and you.

-------


Regurgitated dreams

and a handful of hopes

slipping grain-like through my fingers

promisisng the earth

as it cracks withered and drying.



desolation and anticipation

brings the threat of pleasure

like the seed of hope without

the chance of bursting open.



Endless gurantees of endless possibilities

and your stupid ******* provisos.

**** the last drop with insistence,

take all you can,

Im already dead inside.




with all the graciousness afforded

you'd think you could at least

turn away when I cry?



Instead you watch,

a look of  abomination

carved into your hateful eyes

and ice cold detachment

running down your spine.



no matter,

I'll be fine;

you were only ever a sympathy case

that grew too wild.



all that tender love and care

without pruning

has a tendency to create monsters



you sting my rosy buds

a sadistic wash of passion red



I'm tangled in your mess,

you might as well lick the salt as well

the tequila slammer hit hard.



I can't seem to locate my vanity

its still missing after that

last masochistic kiss goodbye.

Our parents said when we grew up,
That it would all make sense.
18 years later, half a drink in my cup
And I'm still sitting on the fence.
Because I understand the little things,
Like what really was under my bed.
But I still don't know who pulls the strings,
Or what's really inside my head.

Afraid of what the future will bring,
I'm drowning my fears in the bleak.
Because with time comes an eventual swing,
That helps bring down your body's peak.
My greatest fear is being alone,
While watching the undeserving succeed.
Submerged in doubt, up high on my throne,
I fail to adjust to life's unfathomable speed.

The first two verses came from when I became of age.
And a lot has surely changed since that day.
I have calmed a lot of my fiery rage,
And completely understand life in entirely new way.
But my hopes and fears remain the same,
While the rest of the world changes face.
But I now know I'm the one to blame,
For never trying to change my place.

I open the gates and I let them in
they crawl like cockroaches under my innocent skin
they yell at me to give in
but I resist
and
yet
I surrender
i try my best not to exist
i pretend that i'm a bench
where they like to sit
i cry and die and then mourn myself
i watch them laugh and love and then **** themselves

I drove past your house yesterday
and wondered if you still remember
how I look,
sound,
feel.
Foolish, I know.
It's so beautifully arrogant though,
how you still demand to be felt.

Where do dreams go when they die?
Do they leave our perception and ascend to the sky?
To fuel our rewards for living as pure?
But that would simply make death the cure.

Perhaps they fall with us down below?
Sinking to the depths of torment as we go.
Looped on repeat, you're faux greatest hits.
Forced to watch your soul crumble to bits.

For some, dreams are the goal of the greater good.
Others dream of evil they'd do if they could.
The polarity of dreams mold our world today.
When things we do turn to things we say.

Nightmares can haunt us,  why must dreams resist?
Feeling unwanted even though we insist.
The fate of the future lies in our dreams.
Will they be joyous cried or hallowed screams?

My sassy gay friend
Is not an accessory
When you go rooting through the closet and find him
Lacing straight ties into chains
Do not think that he will complete your outfit
Just because a rainbow holds the hues that you were looking for
Haven’t you seen that bruises also bloom in shades of purple and blue
Fading into green and yellow
With red far too often escaping veins that are supposed to hold it in
Haven’t you seen what marks us
And brings our identity to the surface of our skin
When closet doors are slammed too often against our hands
My sassy gay friend
Is not a decoration
You do not get to wear him at your hip
To flaunt your acceptance
And claim symbiosis
As if he needs you to navigate the streets of heteronormativity
Cutting short his words when communication is the best thing we have
And when speaking fails us we resort to spending an afternoon
Sending smoke signals into the sky
Waiting for security in the focus that it takes just to
Breathe
My sassy gay friend
Is not a collectible
You do not get to gather us up into a complete set
To line us neatly in an array
Of rarities and charities
And alternative identities
Until you feel sufficiently well rounded
In your attempted diversity
My sassy gay friend
Is not an icon
A token character
Or comic relief
My sassy gay friend
Is not meant to be romanticized
Idolized
Or fetishized
He is human
I am human
You are human
And if we see each other as sparkles and rhinestones
We're all going to lose all the value
That can't be found on price tags