I'm on a swing
Two chains
and a seat
I feel like I'm flying
or I could be dying
if I jumped
but the ground isn't too far from my feet
but the sky isn't too far out of reach
and I like to come back
to this swing set
when everything's too much
all my dreams
out of reach
grip the chains
and pump my legs
until my hands are blistered
from holding the chains
and my hips are in pain
from the force of the seat
because this is where I realize
if I push hard enough
nothing is too far from my reach

How I know she didn't "love" me
(How I know she wasn't meant to be my lover)
She was cleaning off her books shelves
told me of all the stories that she loved
and how she was boxing them up
getting rid of them
and never once did she ask if I would keep some safe for her

She was picking paint colors for her bedroom
a room five minutes walking distance from mine
and never once did she ask me to come paint with her

She liked to be close
with everyone
in ways that she never once told me explicitly
baby, that's consent

She made lists of things that were important to her
to have in a lover
so I memorized how she takes her tea
but never once did she have tea with me

Never once did she call me
skype me
show up with a surprise
it was all texting
the rare date
she once let me borrow a book
so sure we have good memories too
but never once do I think back to her
and feel loved

How long would it take for somebody
To notice if I drove off the road one night
And just flung myself, car and all,
Into the frosty cold of a snowy ditch?
Who would look for my body if
I never showed up at home?
Who would be the one to call police?
Who would care enough to look for the wreckage?
Who would miss me?
Who would cry?
Would anyone care enough
To even shed a tear
When they pull my corpse
From the ****** wreck?
It seems doubtful to me.
Hardly anyone cares about me
On any given day, what's
The difference if I'm dead in a ditch
Or crying alone in my car after driving
Somebody home? What's the point to
Continuing on when the only one that matters
To me can't even look me in the eyes when
I ***** up and cry...
The only one that never leaves me doesn't
Have much choice, they aren't born yet.