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If I ever have a daughter
I will tell her she is so beautiful every ****** day
So she can never forget, even if she doesn't believe.

If I ever have a daughter
I will listen to everything she wants to tell me, every freaking little thing even when I don't really care all that much about the topic even when her problems are really small because I know they are massive to her and I know if you don't listen when they tell you the unimportant things like what color boots everyone but her was wearing, she will stop telling the important things like how she has pretty much stopped eating altogether, sleeps with a blade under her matress and keeps a pill bottle in her sock drawer just in case the unexplainable numbness that won't leave her gets to be too much.

If I ever have a daughter
I will actually spend time with her
So that she and I have memories to look back on
Of things we did together
So I am her mother to her
But also someome she can trust
Not just the lady who feeds her
Just some thoughts. This will be a series.
I'm okay right now
Which is a big deal for me
I have fake candles in my bed
And even though it's just a flickering light bulb
Not a real flame
I have the candles balanced on my pillow
A few inches from my face
And that wavering golden glow
Is somehow comforting
Because as I watched the candles
I realized
No matter how dimly they flicker
They always flicker back to shining
So I know
No matter how bad I get
Even when my "shattered moments" kick in
I will be okay
I just need to wait
While the cold and icy hands of depression and numbness grip me
Because they WILL let go
I will be okay
These candles really comfort me. Even though it isn't a real flame. Plus if my mother walks into my room now she will have a heart attack because it looks like I have open fire in my bed on an unbalanced surface... which is a little funny to imagine.
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