Emmy - Hello Poetry

Emmy Jan 2014

I was molded for you, I thought you were for me too
until time passed all the colors lapsed and I don't know what to say as the day goes on
night digs deeper into my soul
I am okay but I have no clue what to say
this was always the price I had to pay for you to have a clue
You have always held me together like glue
no stopping this time
although I wish it would slow because our flows wrap around each other
it's undeniable
all the electricity it glows and breathes like fireflies
We know here and now there are no lies
fingers up my spine please, oh please stop time

Emmy Jan 2014

Difference

Haunting incompetence and past resentments
Turbulent winds twisting up my insides
howling thoughts of you and me
Tearing me down
I'm being thrown around
hit the walls of my brain and I shatter with a loud clatter
Stomach pains turn into liquid running through my veins
I wonder what makes the difference
I rack my brain with no inference
I loved you till I went numb, until I could no longer breath with my lungs
My heart gives out, "I only want you!" I shout
silently in my head
sitting on my bed
with sharp pangs of longing
I clutch my head, filled with overflowing dread
What do they have, that I do not?
Why was I not enough?
Wrap me up to throw me out, rinse, repeat, it was like being beat
I ask myself why tethered down I don't mind if I drown as long as you're near
It's the fear of living without a part of me
I know this you see
I wonder what makes the difference
I rack my brain with no inference

Emmy Jan 2014

Scents

I was thinking about the day I met you today. I smiled and laughed to myself a little remembering your yellow and purple hoodie. Remembering the fact that you're the only girl I saw who could ever pull off pink eye shadow that well. I remember looking at you, not believing how green your eyes were. I remember the first thing you said to me it was "You should say yes." Thinking back on it to how we are now, I never would've guessed you to be such a huge part of my life. I kept getting your scent today, it happened five or six times. It wasn't anyone wearing your perfume. I just caught it. I felt tiny knives in my heart, it made me nostalgic.

Emmy Jan 2014

Realities

Separation based on physicality
This is a ******* up reality
Supposed incompetence built up a fence
****** differences I guess, shall decide your intellects
Now, do these views, say more about me or more about you?
I ponder your opinion, and wonder how you use that to rule us into our separated dominions
How is this decided, that I'm lesser than a man, when clearly I am just as human?
I know I sound feminist, please tell me how being a woman is a cause for dismiss?
I despise these sexiest views, because I am no less than you
That is false, not true, you sound like an idiot because you have no clue
You believe I should do this or sit like that
Well I don't agree, quite frankly that's not me
I like to sit like a "boy", and I don't give a **** if it's you I annoy
I'll wear boxer shorts and I'll build my own forts
I won't be submissive
I'll be permissive
I'll beat you at any game, I'm a lion and never tame
This is silly, I'm no ***** nilly, I know how to think on my own
Much to your disgust, I find this to be a must
Separation based on physicality, what a ******* up reality.

#equality

Emmy Jan 2014

Jokes

Foggy glass, disoriented lens
Distant lights, feelings beacon the whirlwind within
Touch, pass, patch up leaky feelings of the past
Smile and laugh what a perfect cover that goes up fast
Feel passionately? Dear god, watch faces become aghast
Shun, make fun, outcast those who express emotions
Oh no, fall in step with typical motions
"Be yourself," they say, "We prefer you that way."
Utter ******* they feed you with, they don't want the real you
They want a smooth perfected version which surely isn't true
Contradicted, inflicted lies, don't fall in it's a vortex of demise
Mindless behavior we all evoke, based off one hell of a joke.

Emmy Jan 2014

Costs

Pause, panic, going insane
Sick feelings and chest pain
Sweaty palms and tired eyes
Can barely grip the pen
repeat
repeat no sinking in
Scream
scream inside to tell my brain quit thinking
Questions, sentences, numbers overload, overload I want to quit
Staring at pages, I scold myself to sit
Fight, battle and war till my brain is no more
Praying
praying to God to make it go away
Eating me whole
rush
rush don't stop, you'll never make it to the top
Paralysis
paralysis clenching my fists
They tell you no gain without pain, **** this I'm going insane
Shadows of failure, failure lurking in my mind
No, no stopping keep going
you're losing time
Perfection has a cost, your head is lost.

Emmy Jan 2014

Bell Jar

Dark clouds shadow my world as coldness seeps through my frame
Nervous energy blooms inside
intertwined with thoughts of shame
My hands shake and my breathing is fast
There is no reason, this has nothing to do with the past
Heavily burdened with a bell jar of thick fractured glass
I've found myself beaten down, having discovered this will not pass
I watch fatigued by it all
the colors and sounds
the landscape
the rise and fall
Placing my hands on the frosted barrier
searching for a leak of warmth
a possible carrier forth
My hands fall in defeat
I sink farther down and blackness I solemnly greet
I close my eyes waiting for it wash over me again and again
to crash on my shore then retreat
Moon tide controlled in my mind, incessantly forever beat
I wish with rapid fire desire for the fall of the bell jars empire
My heart thuds
blood rushing sound in my ears
I stare straight ahead filled with a commensurate of fears
Darkness descends and I am captured in my bell jar yet again.