I was told
110 percent is just effort and excuses
I didnt understand but i know now
Love is 110 percent
You can give everything annd anything
Do everything you can
But the results still fade
They fade, they fade
Just as fast as only giving 10 percent
But you're left with an aching heart

with 26 letters
there's a lot of things to say
yet there's not enough ways to explain,
how i feel today

there's no sun on my face
but my smile doesn't feel out of place
it feels like there's butterflies tickling my face
or like i'm doing back flips standing place

Even with 26 letters
there's no word to say
how i feel today

Come one and all
As long as your thin and tall
Or curvy with rhythm
And be okay to with him
Come free come free
Unless your a man,
that's 5 dollars for me
Come see the spectacle
A morally recompehensible, spectacle
Of drinks getting used
To get girls abused
An ochestra of ignored nos
And phrase just go, and stops

there's a hunger in her eyes
for power, we called it ambition
she was going to do great things
she once did, we once all loved her
once upon a time she was friendly
but fairy tales don't exist, she told me that
she lead us, defended us
the power got her head
now she has horns and a hot head
her loyal follower, friends
want to see her reign end
her fairy tale land is about to fall
a rebellion is coming,
of people asking what happened to our leader?
perhaps she ate a rotten apple
perhaps she was never the fairest, the nicest, of us all

there is a land, of 4 leaf clovers
they wave over hills
and  swim in the vallies

In this land, no one cries
In this land, no dreams die
and three leaf clovers are scarce
because should you break
A four leaf clover
A dream dies
and less birds fly

So, in this land,
of four leaf clovers
everyone steps  over clovers
and dreams don't die
and birds always fly

Something about you always had me
Looking longingly for your eyes
For your touch, your smile
Your heart, your laugh

Even when we were in tears
Friend zoned but sheilds down
As our hearts poured out
Below the stage and on

The year never talked
I never forgot, i always watched
Everydance seeing you and her
But not your smile, not the one i knew

Suddenly everything changed
You sat 10 feet away i know
Because i counted the steps everyday
And eventually i didnt have to

On a bumpy buss
More than our butts were shaken
But our hearts too, the realization
Thay i belong With you

The month of hell
I knew what to do, but couldbt bear it
Heart torn in two
giving the bigger half to you

The best decision,
Crying in my car but knowing its okay
As you stood from far away
I could see the worry in your eyes

The last month of school
Kept low, to be kind
But everyobe knew
But i was happy, cause i was with you

And now, now, i know
That all of it was worth it
I can wake to your green eyes
And your smile, and whisper "i love you"

So you're with her
An its bitter sweet
I see your instagram amd tweets
And im left asking what about me?

But i see you with her
The way you look at her
You looked. At me like that once
Oh but her smile they way she smiles

You are happy
happier than i ever made you
And thats all i could ask if you
It makes me happy seeing you two

Makes it easier to get over you
Knowing your happy, i know its sappy
But i still have those moments
Where i miss you

Those moments when you know im not ok
When you hug me goodbye, i want it to last
When i leave, i miss the kiss goodbye
Honestly i miss elephants and butterflies

But you found new butterflies
Ive never seen her this happy
Make her smile, be happy
I still love you, but friends can love eachother too

As children we had dreams
Passion that twinkled in our eyes
but then,
Reality struck
it glazes our eyes
the  passion that once blazed, dies
ashes of our dreams on the ground
but that's okay
you can grow flowers,
new dreams
where the ashes
of burning passion used to be

my mother once told me
                you're too nice
you told me
               stand up
my father told me
               grow a backbone
                                            
I can now assure you I am a vertebrate
that I can stand on my own two feet
I can face my foes with dignity
and here I am standing in front of you

Because my sister once told me
               treat ***** like ***** treat you

Lights jumping acrossed basement walls
Music playing to loud
And people standing far too close
Kisses exchanged in the heat
Of a sweaty basement
A sticky floor, covered in glitter and alchol
Girls bending over
Guys eyes full of hunger
Hips sway to the beat,
getting nasty with the heat

It's the little things
it's the way we met through a cadet
wingmen ship at its best
both awkward and just a little tipsy
talking to you was so easy
but I wasn't and you knew
you asked me to keep a bottle cap
keep it under wraps till i gave it back
i did, and that goofy smile on your face
it didn't look the slightest bit out of place
You gave me another token, a tab
But then you got tired and called a cab
I haven't had a chance to give it back
so I'm left with a bottle tab and snap chat
guess we have to hangout to give it back

it's thrill of almost falling
but, not quite on the edge
of looking down and, your heart, it skips a beat
it's the fear, making your heart race
it's the scare factor ,at an all time high
and it makes you feel...alive

there are some people, who go through the motions
they don't care
at least, that's what they want us to think,
because they could care-less
they say school doesn't matter
yet, they spend hours studying.
simply, to avoid getting in trouble.
To prevent getting things they care about taken away
so, they do care
just, about not caring
they say they don't care about labels
or means names
but punches still hurt
even if you say they don't
they say they don't give left hand about anything
because they're stuck,
stuck, in a paradox of not caring,
because when they don't care,
they say don't care because they care.
but because they care the have no choice but not to care

Ive never been a rule breaker
Ive been a good girl
But i learned from pop music
That good girls are bad girls
that havnt been caught
And its true
I was tangled in your arms
Caught in your embrace
In the early hours
When most slept we laughed
At the rude games we play
Teasing but to awkward not to laugh
Scrawny teenage bodies intertwined
I was caught ib the night
Caught in the moment
Caught in your arms calling you mine

in art, there is a study of chiaroscuro
dark versus light a contrast so beautiful

you, you are what they say is dark
you are curt and hard headed
thick skinned protecting a big heart
they say i am light
optimistic and light-hearted
an open heart protecting a broken one
the light and the dark dance
a beautiful composition of chiaroscuro

this is all new to me
i'm clueless... i'm confused
I've never felt like this before
this feeling of more, more, more
but it comes so naturally to you
you know exactly what to do
while i'm frozen in a moment of clueless and confused

sketch ups and coffee cups
a gentleman with craftsman's hands
a Ryan Gossling in a cheap  blazer
lofty dreams and hard labor
early mornings with coffee cups
late nights with endless sketch ups
eyes tired from late nights
a fairy tale and the knight
a nervous smile at pin up
pat on the back to cheer up
no cream but to sugars
the autumn chill creates shivers
early mornings with sunrises
just kids in architect guises
a love for paper and her
for  SIM and for him
fueled by coffee cups
and early morning sketch ups

Your  touch lingers

Its that feeling of bugs in your bed
An unwelcome crawling

Bugs that go where they want
Taking home in the darkest of places

Laying their eggs as reminders
Reminders of memories i don’t have


Reminders of unwelcome hands
Reminders of the pest you are

You linger like a pest
But no amount of chemicals can rid me of you

No bug treatment can erase my memory of you

I never understood love being a drug
but i get it, i know you are no good
that everytime i get high
I know, I know i should
say no and tell you good bye
but you mean well
my friends watch in worry
as I bleed by heart out for you
I watch and i wait
wondering if i fell for your bait
if i'm just a pretty face
I give and give and all you do is take
I won't be mad, not one who hates
so i come back, and back, and back again
to your toxic love of more than a friend

So this is what it is
a tug of war,
a pulling on the heart
Heart strings chiming
that's never being heard
So, its an empty echo,
A shout into the empty
Because they refuse to hear
but empty voices echo
in longing
in hope, they will turn around
and finally hear the sound of
heart strings chiming but,
until then
its an empty echo

We were always the elephant
The elephant in the room
Of are they dating
And one day the peices
They Fell into place
And the butterflies swarmed
My heart skipped a beat
And my stomacj fluttered
Because the elephant was beautiful
And now instead of beimg ignored
We bask in its odd beauty
As butterflies swarm about us
And we arw filled with
Elephants and butterflies

There's an unsettling quiet that hangs in the air
an empty stage and abandoned chairs
dust settled on red curtains
empty theaters abandoned stages
past actors linger on curtains
laughs and cries hang in the air like ghosts
scratches on the floor of stories past
empty chairs where laughs and tears were shed
the curtains red
hanging half drawn
but where are the people? the show must go on

surging through the woods
bouncing and shaking on rough terrain
almost hitting trees
but wanting to go faster
up over hills and almost flying over
hitting trees and toppling over
and just laughing and getting back on

kicking into third gear and soaring down hills
simply for the fear and thrill
of shredding through empty corn fields
thinking your safe when all you have is plastic to protect you
but I just go faster
into forth because the thrill is the best part
barley having control
but never crashing and burning

i never realized how much i was missing
with a group of friends not quite complete
but now that girl has finally set you free
and you can back to us
our band of amigos is finally complete
we laugh more than ever
leave lunch with tears in our eyes
and our stomachs ache
not because we are sad but because we can't stop laughing

just stop
yeah it's going to be hard
but you have to stop
you can't start again
until you stop
you know it's bad
so why the heck do you do it?
you don't like,
your friends don't like it.
So fix it
and stop it
before you regret it

it's like floating
that feeling when you know
you're still on the ground
but you're up in clouds

when you laugh so hard you can't
when you smile so big
you can't stop

it's the feeling of empty corridors
turning into ballrooms
where you dance all night long
conversation  turns to song

because you're smiling so much
and laughing so hard
and floating so high

that you're up in the clouds
but your still on the ground

There's something about the way you talk
the way you turn and look at me
like I'm made of glass
Careful not to let me fall
break into a million pieces
but glass is strong
and so am I
but you don't always see it
because glass isn't as clear as we think

I feel fragile
Like a hollow glass sculpture
A murky glass
That resembles the person i was
I can feel the fractures
From the intense change
From eccstasy to fear
Excitement to disinterest
Mountains to valleys
Glass cracks in change
I guess im starting to
But if i do, nothing will spill
The hollow of this sculpture
Is just that, empty
An empty, hollow, sculpture
of  who i used to be

i do not plan to go down
but if i shall fall
i will not go down with out a fight
i do not choose many battles
but those i do i fight till the end
i will go up in flames
or come out victorious
either way i will stick with my army
through bullets and flames till the end

I should be running
but laying here in the grass is fine
small green blades brush my arms
while i on the line of perfect and chilly
a bright sun on my face
a gentle breeze on my arms
I should run but the grass is more inviting

my tiny frame has hardened
the porcelain of my skin
just a pretty shell around steel
burning steel, red hot
hot with fire and flames
flames concealed with baby face and blue eyes
there is a strength behind my pretty face
a strength derived by not being strong
no longer a pretty sunshine song
but a heavy beat that resembles rock
no more beautiful marble pristine
but red hot coals that fuel the heat

Hate is strong, scary
Its hard work to hate
Time and effort
Such a human emotion
Whats scariest is disregard
Not giving a ****
Because at least if you hate
You're thinking you care
Disregard is animalistic
Its child like
Its the monsters under your bed
The ones you hated but you now ignore

HIM
Alice, you child, show them your smile
ALENA
My name is not Alice
An you know that well
so, shut up and return to...
HIM
You little girl
you must be nice,
Alice, is sugar not spice
ALENA
Alice is a girl, not a car
stuck in traffic!
And if you dare think you can break me,
Break ALENA! then you're wrong
cause  I, am strong
and I still have fire in my eyes
HIM
She speaks  lies
she  is  submissive
not a beast, so boys you may feast
ALENA
Fine! go ahead!
But just take a  listen
Your sister, your mother, your baby cousin
Imagine them as me
HIM
Shut up you insolent brat!
ALENA
No! because one, one day
oh  yess one day
I'll never come back
and I will no longer be a car, stuck in traffic

                                   for my name is  ALENA not ALICE!

throwing yourself at the wind,

losing yourself in moment

the reason you bang your head on the wall
because that last movement ruined it all
the reason she left you, the reason you left him
or
the reason you haven't
the last thing you said spur of the moment
made them stop, made them listen
the thing you did last second
makes them think
the pause before going out the door
the impulse to slam it

She had 250 friends on Facebook
200 followers on twitter
150 on instagram
snap chatted her 50 best friends on the daily
Professed her love to the media
through emojis, snaps, and selfies
the media loved her back
with re-tweets, likes, and pokes
but none of the emojis or snaps in the world
could give what  she wanted most
no matter how many emojis or words of love are sent
one cannot profess true love
through the internet

they say that alcohol releases another side of you
to say the things you wouldn't say sober
to feel more or feel nothing
to bold while faded
it's intoxicating

perhaps that's why I am drawn to you
your presence challenges me
challenges me to be bold and be me
the thrill is intoxicating
but you're gentle arms invite me
like the warm feeling the liquor gives me
but then you turn cold and sour
I'm left confused and feeling hungover

they will say it was "just a kiss"
I know because I said it too

I was 12, only in seventh grade
and in case you were wondering,
I wore gray jeans, a black sweater, and boots
let's be honest we all went through a goth phase or two
and he, he was dark and mysterious
the bad boy type every pre-teen girl swoons over
I was the good girl, straight A's and naive
hell, it's beginning to sound like a fairy tale
but it wasn't, see I said "no"
this would be the first of many ignored "no"s

we were waiting for the bus
no, we were not alone. not just us
and he told me "just a kiss goodbye"
I said no, "no please just go"
but instead, he cornered me
and how could I ever fight back
he was 5'10 I was barely five feet
I tried to duck away
he took his hands forced me to stay
I turned my head looking anywhere but him
he took his hand made me face him
said "but I like you" I said "please, no thank you"
he tried again, I turned and said "NO"
and there we were, just a kiss
and with that, he left a smirk across his face
I looked to my friend, he saw it all happen
didn't say a single thing
one boy yelled "****"
but no one listened

I ran to the bathroom, back to the stall
silent sobs echoing off tile walls
I rubbed my lips, scrubbed them raw
rinsed my mouth with soap and water
just to wash it away hoping that,
maybe if I scrub hard enough It didn't happen

but it did

and I reminded when I called it quits
gathered the bravery to say we are done
and he responded with "you'll pay for this ***"
the next day I was greeted with
****, *****, thirsty, ****
he told everyone I asked for it
He said I liked it rough
I retaliated but his word was worth more than mine
but tell me how can I like it rough
I didn't even know what that meant
that was just the beginning
it all started wth just a kiss

and it was just a kiss
a quick peck on the lips right?
I shouldn't be so upset
but hell, I don't now what's worse
the memories or  words
both haunted me filling my head with lies
lead to trouble with other guys

you see, I eventually found someone, someone good
I found my first real boyfriend
I told him what had happened
he said he promised he'd never do that to me
and for a time it was true, everything was fine

but then he decided to test the waters
wade into the deep end, but I couldn't swim
I lost my breath, thrashed searching for air
digging nails for a grip on reality
and we continued this dangerous dance
but I made the music stop, said no
said I've had enough
he took my naivety and fear he told me
"It's okay, I've got you"
"if we do this enough you'll get used to it"
had the audacity to say "what about my needs"


and at that point, I went numb
I know it's dumb but it's easier
it is easier to hold my tongue and face it
than it is to speak and hold my ground
just to be buried beneath it
he pushed lines, lines that were set from day one
saw them as suggestive speed limits rather than stop signs
so he slowed down, did a drive by
he drove into me and away with confidence and any remaining pride

it got to the point where makeup couldn't hide cuts
laughter couldn't hide tears
he smothered the light from me
I began to fancy the idea of cars colliding with trees
curled up, head on my knees

my saving grace was my friends
I thank them for showing me sense
and with sweating palms and teary eyes
I painfully, finally, called it quits
it had become so much more than a kiss

There seems to be a misunderstanding.
You are under the impression,
You got away with theft possession.
However you never will

The girl that's too sweet too nice
You had her heart her trust
You played make believe, used the word us
You stole her innocence, broke her trust

You'll never get away
Because she wont ever forget
Those who see her everyday
They know you took something precious away

She will never do anything to hurt you
could never do what you put Her through
She has forgiven but will never forget
You haven't faced justice yet

Her army of friends aren't so forgiving
see how hard it is for her to keep living
You destroyed a girl so sweet so nice
Be prepared to face a storm of fire and ice

As if you knew,
in the slightest what others went through?
who is to say his smile is not a mask,
her life is not a cry?

He, he goes home everyday to a broken home
where he tends to broken bones
up till four every night
doing homework, going to work
but in school the smile is the only thing in sight

and she, she is the captain of the soccer team
a never wavering laugh
but when she goes home,
her arm is patterned in complex lattice
an intricate pattern of pain and sorrow

her laugh never fails to light a room
his smile lifts people from their gloom

Society
the place where you are expected
to wear a mask
a facade
because forbid you're different
you're not a size 2
don't share the same views
And if you don't
wear a mask
to this masquerade we call life
then its an icy blast
of cold shoulders
because you're different
you don't care
you would rather live you life in the light
than play masquerade

I look at my phone
Waiting for your text
Holding your sweatshirt.
Hoping that when i open my eyes
Your lingering smell woukd have materilized into you
And your electrobic words
Transformed into hushed whispers
And i open my eyes
And you're not here
And it's silence
All im left with is missing you

There are monsters in my closet
they cry my name
the cries they make are always the same,
"look at what you've done,
you narcissistic beast"
and in my closet they feast
on my guilt
while in the corner, I sit quite and still

I don't remember much
but the detective going mad
trying to unclasp hands, reaching for air
and major Metcalf saving me
what i remember most is
running, running for your embrace
looking up into your face
that i'd never thought I'd see again
I was giddy with joy and shaking with fright
you hold me close,
i explain how i once taught the children
that i couldn't help. how i thought you were the murderer
and you hold me tight
tell me it's alright
that's when they dim the lights

when you try to break a cookie half, someone always gets a bigger piece
torn from they're heart
someone always hurts more
even if they said they're "okay" with it


Don't you see
or are you blind?
oblivious?
you always were
you think i'm okay with this?
well i'm not! inside i'm braking to bits
because hearts aren't perforated to break down the middle
so yes, i'm hurting more than you know
you always saw so little
is this, this uneven split
what is called mutual?

You can't
                                                                                                           yes i can!
then why haven't you already?
                                                                                     My demons keep me from
                                                                                     me from doing so!
you can't control them and you can't do this
so deal with it!
because you are a waste!
                                                                                 No NO NO
                                                                                 I refuse to be seen as such
                                                                                so you better hush!
                                                                         I am tired of fighting a civil war
You can't stop me
                                                                        Oh really? can't you see?
                                                                    you are merely the dark side of me
                                                           i can bring you down to your surrender
                                                               my demons, control me never

Because this is my fault
that it's you and me
not us
please do remind me
who stormed off the buss
screaming "you cheat!"
when you were the one who got caught
and you thought
that it was my fault
that you weren't loyal
had to sleep around
let our love spoil
so yes it is my fault
I made the mistake of loving you

the light in which we see ourselves is dimmer than the light in which we are seen

There's something here
I'm sorry you're to blind to see it
but how, how can you not see
that you meant, you mean everything to me

There was always something here
from giggles over the years
and awkward silences that screamed
Oh how i wish i could tell you

There finally was, we were
we were the teenage romance
a story of struggle, laughter, and adventure
a story john green would be proud of

but then, you closed the book
distracted by new places, new adventures
but here i am, book open
ready to write new chapters