I live
inside these bones
a memory that rises
and grows in the vast
cavity of my chest

my heart ripped
our, now clenched
in the jaws
of a ravenous
wolf

it’s teeth tasting
blood, my blood,
as if it’s ageless
as if it has the
power to sustain
anything except

myself

I have spent my life
drying out, like wood
left in the sun

shrinking back into
the shape I was
born

rather than the
woman I wanted
to grow into

Women of fire burn more
than the bridges that no longer serve them

they burn holes in the souls of their lovers

leaving them forever branded
with their spirit of flame

engulfing their hearts in passionate smoke,
so that they may choke on their very presence

even when are no longer there

whether their love is reciprocated

or not

white roses
turning red
with the blood
I've lost

over you

heart beating
slower as we
kiss in the

rain

never imagining
that the clouds will
blow over one

day

don't leave me
waiting without
a word of

goodbye

without a word
to wrap inside
at night

words are power

like “goodbye”

words are growing silent, now

whispers of a long forgotten
“I love you”
now echoing in the chambers
of winter

an icy kiss to say goodbye
and then...

silence

so loud and deafening it drowns
every other sound into the frozen
depths of the

ocean

I long
to be folded
in paragraphs
and wrapped tight
in sentences

words that are both
a balm and a blaze

for a vowel to be the spark
that sets of a fire
that reduces everything to ashes

(past, present, future…)

is all I dare hope for

It was a lie when they said
that the power to change the world
lied within you

but the ability to transform
the small square of Earth
on which I stand

with a smile

lies within your heart and hands

We talked of fuselage
floating on top of
an ocean

waves consuming
us as we frantically
tried to reach
out

lingering onto
life as if it was
the same thing
as love

& I wonder what they're scanning for,

the grey shadows of my mind projected into pictures,

yet not.

I wait in the small, green room
it's plastic chairs and **** stained floor,

they hand me two pills, one pink like an *****, an ***** failure,

one white like the sheet they wrap around me, turning me into a ghost,

yet not.

They'll write my name on a chart, an ink stain that will never wash off

a tick box. Did you swallow? Are they hiding under your tongue?

dissolving into a metal taste that burns

like the sun

yet not.

I will get walks on Tuesday's, twenty minutes of grass and air

that I will drink, my thirst unquenchable

I'll get in line, shuffle in baggy clothes, watch television with a glassy stare,

eyes white and wide, a girl trapped inside (almost)

yet not.

as my fingers flicker through
the sleeping curves of your body
I find what I have always known to be true
you, and only you

as I arch my back to the moon
the splendid silver of the night a mirror
reflecting what I have always known to be true
you, and only you      

as I walk open armed into the ocean
swallowed by sea salt and tangled in mermaid hair
I am captured by what I have always known to be true
you, and only you

when I yell at you to leave
I am desperately hoping that
you’ll hear the shaking cries of “stay”
hidden beneath my scream

when I pick you up on
every
little
thing

please know that I am only
scrutinising myself over every
mistake
I’ve
ever
made

when I ignore you for days
please know that it is because
I am too busy speaking to the
anxiety that calls myself
her friend

know that I don’t hate you
that I only hate myself

I conjure you,
out of yellowed newspapers
and matches.

I come to recognise the scent of you, through which you untie
the core of me

I swallow you down
as the hoards devour religions.

People banging on the doors of churches.

Swallowed up in scripture.

I wanted to see God
in the silver blades between your teeth.

To cut out your Adam's apple and place it between my lips.

Consuming your masculinity with a single, careless kiss.

Anatomy's foundations rocking like an antique chair.
Stripped wood that still sings of trees, chopped down in their prime.

This destruction of youth that should sicken me, thrills me to the bone.

Each blade of gentle green grass grows in the sunlight and I pick each daisy
as carefully as I pick my men.

Young men that touch silk sheets, glistening with sweat. I lick the knife, metal caressing metal, blood on
steal.

I am ready to receive him.

It was beautiful to touch
the curve of your spine

outside, gray skies dance
over umbrellas, foam cups of
sugared coffee sit tight
between gloved hands

everything is m o v i n g

yet in here, I am still,
limbs kneaded to the
curve of your

s
p
   i
n
e

That wild ride of lust and laughter

the sheer lunacy of running barefoot
along the sand at midnight

our clothes falling behind us
like leaves off an autumn tree

do you even remember it?

as you sit across from me at breakfast
drinking black coffee and smoking
until your lungs peel

do you even remember
that we used to be young?

now that your withered hand
hovers over mine

too scared to touch
as if my skin is made of fire

what did we lose?
what did we gain?

did it even out
in the end

or are we in debt to our
youth

I wanted to cut down

something that had barely begun to bloom

to pour poison on its roots so it may never

grow again

maybe it was envy driving me

or maybe I just wanted the world to see

how fleeting youth and beauty

can be

to be real
in a false
world

is like wearing
a corset made
of your own
bones

your heart
weakly beating
beneath your
armour

it pulses red
fist shaped
and ready
to fight

the creatures
that lurk
like spectres
in the dark
corners of
your mind

it's not up
to you if
you win
this fight

only you
try, you
try, you
try