there were words that never
passed our lips

but that our hearts would beat out
the rhythm of every single time

our fingers brushed together

at every single embrace and stolen kiss

for every morning spent sharing
our dreams over coffee

just because we didn’t say it
doesn’t mean we felt it any less

Maybe I’ve been craving you my whole life

like a cigarette
I had forbidden myself from smoking

or like love
that I had convinced myself wouldn’t happen

because you have not been craving me
your whole life

like chocolate
a sugar rush you wouldn’t share

with me

our names are written

in the stars, too bright for eyes to see

a pattern of hands clasped,
fingers entwined

the constellation of love

blinding to those below

whose first thought is to hate

The fault was not yours, and you’ll come to accept that one day

you will learn not to carry the weight of other people’s depraved actions on your shoulders

healing is not always the same as forgetting

but there will be moments when you forget, just for an hour, a minute, a second

collect these moments like pennies, buttons, pins

showcase them in your eyes, sparkling back into life

you were not buried in the dirt, my love

you were planted

wandering heart

nomad soul

my only longing is to roam

these ***** streets of pride and pity

these forests of failure and flight

I only want to know the feel

of grass between my toes

Caged birds do not sing

Until they are given a voice

Do not fly

Until they learn to find their wings

But with patient nurturing,
they will grow from meek and timid things

From quivering chicks hiding in the shadows
Into a fledgling

Preparing to take flight into a sky of endless possibilities

It stuck to us like glue

to our shoes
in our hair

we applied a chemical peel
that we hoped would

erase the taint of the past
on our skin

but the past evolved
with each step we took away from it

until it was a barred toothed wolf
with metal claws

to tear at and devour us

fight, flight, freeze

but if only there was more to life
than a ******* F word

You’re in my bones, you know
the calcium that strengthens me

stops my heart from breaking
into a million pieces

that turn to dust
blown into the night sky
to pollinate with the stars

I close my eyes and you are there
my night time phantom

that in the morning becomes
flesh and bone

Turn me free from this fickle life

this reckless longing
for the things that will destroy me

(you)

my heart is a fist in your hands
turning inwards,
beating the living **** out of me

in the name of love, my dear
in the name of forever

cut me loose

I have seen enough of love

A heart in Spring bloom
glowing as brightly as daffodils

I tread on a carpet of tulip petals
my eyes weeping sunflower seeds
each one containing a droplet of love
as my soul aches with the sun

and the bitter knowledge that flowers
have too short a lifespan

too short a life to stare into your stem green eyes
and quiver, like a clematis stumbling
on its climb towards

the sky

A tantalising score of lovers
lined up like shot glasses

down in one
hoping to taste gold liquor

until you realise that each one
is merely bad Sambuca

that your friends are egging you on to drink
before you can finish off the night

and go home

Is there such a thing
as a human heart
that hasn’t loved
and lost?

because if so,
I am willing to
undergo

a transplant

The moon shines like a giant pearl
scurried away from the ocean
on the crest of a forbidden

wave

I would sit with you here, forever
my hand wrapped tightly
in the million promises

of yours

if you’d let me
if you’d let me

stay

I am forever searching
for the ones I’m grateful to have lost

rose tinted glasses that make
peasant lovers look like kings

the swirl of the past
distorting my memories of heartache
and broken promises

into jewels of truth and the safety
of the crook of your arm

but I must shed these glasses,
swim against the current of these whirlpools

if I am ever to keep hold of myself
if I am ever to move on from
bitter words and anger
into a new chapter of trust and sensitivity

Our love bred nothing but deceit

an endless line of lies

heirs to untruths and fictions

it runs in the family

this passion for deception

this ache to mislead

we beg an audience for our falsehoods

for they are nothing if they go unappreciated

these frantic fabrications

Every breath is agony
when you’re conflicted about
whether you want to take it

dark shadows,
creeping into the corners of my heart

ghosts in my head,
talking to me at night,
their endless plotting for

more

paralysis when I try to wake from
this nightmare, that is happening without sleep

I am screaming from the bottom of the ocean
but it is too late, for no one saw me

drowning

This is not my war

this struggle of hearts,
fighting for dominance

thinking there can only be one winner,
because that’s what life has taught us

love has one winner,
and the winner, victorious,
takes the very soul of the loser,

but no, I will not play this game,
with my silver dagger,
shining sharp as the stars

I will not plunge it into any man,
nor allow it to be turned inward,
into my own heart

I will not fight you to the death

I will give our love to the moon,
in the hopes that she will bring peace
to your restless soul

my girlhood unravels like wool,
coarse, that unwanted touch  
stinging my skin,

a wasps nest, kicked alive
swarming all over me,

but these stings will not scar me,

I will grow new skin,
a shroud of flesh that has not
known the prickle of unwanted fingers tips

I will rise from the ashes of your depravity
like a Phoenix, born again

we danced on the eggshells
of our broken hearts

each step was exquisite agony,
and carried the endless hope
that we may find our way to love again

in the white dust crumbs

I am the ghost of poetry past

that cringe in your chest as you skim through words you once thought barred your soul
but now only shame it

that lump in your throat
as you try not to cry over a cliched metaphor
you used when you were sixteen and riddled with angst

you may think I am only here
to hurt and embarrass you

but actually,
I am the best teacher you’ll ever have

I will allow you to learn from what
now looks like shattered prose

I will allow you to grow from the imagery
you didn’t get quite right

and when poetry future calls,
she will bare gifts of words of wonder

that were only made possible
through listening to me

The trees sang our names
as if we were an ancient song,
shrouded in mystery and an infinite hope

the woods rattled with longing,
as our hearts danced beneath
a star splattered carpet

we were not unique, or new to these elements,
but it didn’t matter,

they held our love close
as if it were a newborn baby,
seeing a life unfurl as it gazed
into our bright blue eyes

as our souls cried out, primal,
for one more dance

I drank from your cup of love
like a child, idle with thirst,

the taste of forever swirled in my throat,

words that once formed there,
turned to white foam at the corners
of my mouth,

my heart sank deeper into my chest
at your fickle touch,

cemented there, caged there,

and I knew I would never be free
from this reckless lover’s command

I would follow wherever it lead,
happily

wild with longing and
that first promised taste of

forever

I am a child of the Earth,
sun soaked, soil clinging
to my bleeding fingernails,

breathing out the fires of desperation
and temptation,
breathing in the flame of purification
and damnation,

I am Earth child,
covered in mud and blood,
singing with the weeds,
dancing between the lilac lilies

How fast does the sun set
when no one is watching?

burnt orange skies that sink
like pebbles in a gently ebbing river

if no one bares witness
to the miracle of day’s end

does it happen?

or is all illusion and pink lies
told by the sunrise

The scars on my hips
that leave blood on your lips

the taste of innocence and ignorance

unknowing
of love’s sting

the bitter kiss of loss

wrapped in the promise of forever

Starlight

unforgiving to our hearts,
as we drink cheap scotch on the porch

the smoke from our cigarettes twirling,
twirling into the night

the thick, black night sky
stretched like an arm upon waking

and mine are always, always
reaching over to embrace

you

I wake up eager for that first coffee
that early morning cigarette
and that smile across the table
hidden behind a book
but I can still see it, my love
through those off-white pages
words swirling about your face
I can still see that smile that melts my heart
like syrup on a summer’s day

I hear voices...
soft and delicate
guiding and guarding
that are mine, and mine
alone

I keep them close to my heart,
like lovers
caress them
whisper kindnesses
and promises to never betray them

and how could I?
these soft, sweet kisses from a world unknown
this loving embrace from a body
without
a
body

secrets shared in darkness
with only the flicker of a candle flame for warmth

I will keep you, sweet nothings,
mounting up to everything
that is mine, and mine alone

those sun bleached days
are mere memories now

our hearts squeezed like a sponge
until they ran dry

kisses on tiptoes with sand
scorching our feet

are now drops in an infinite ocean
of dark blue - to

black

angel eyes,
glance my way
survey how my arms
twist in delight
at the mention of
your name
take in each detail
of my freckles and hair
my haggard heart
has kept its beats warm
for you, kept itself going
for the promise of one
more kiss

angel eyes,
you have the devil
inside you

your hunger for my heart
leaves me shaking

in a slow state of slow decay

from the over consumption
of sweetened words of love

you should have been more hesitant

wary of the destruction your passion
would cause

forever taught us to sing
like nightingales,
each note an echo of a heart -
beating, in unison,

we were the wild ones,
reckless with love,
spending its currency
like there was no tomorrow

and now we cling to the tomorrow
we never thought we’d share,

hands clasped tight,
our initials written
on our spines in fingerprints

we glow under the stars of
the ones that made it
through together

Old poems are like old photographs
they are a snapshot of who you once were

a memory
an echo of a former self
that cannot be erased

loose and yellowed around the edges
or sealed behind a battered frame

you must take from them what you’ve learnt
and pour it into new, brilliant words

How rare now,
is this touch of gold?

this majesty of purple tulips that tap out
love’s fingers

stretching,
like a babes arm towards it’s mother

mighty in feeling
this one second,

stopped on a watch
as if smashed in a murderous fall,

and in knowing,
that nothing lasts forever,

not even the taste of stardust
on lover’s lips

piece by piece
I built bricks
out of ashes,
cemented them
with hunger
so that they would
never be satisfied
standing still

my feet, like the roots of mighty oak trees
were planted firmly in the ground,
impatient with seeing the same view
I long to break free

but I can’t,
I can only grow tall
so that I might see a different one

In every whirlwind breath I take

in waves that contain
an absolute promise of freedom

in fire whose flames rise high
and tickle the sky

in forests that close in on me,
forcing me off course,
and leave my heart racing with panic

I long for your kiss
calming my lungs,
imagination and heart

I long for your kiss, completing me

People used to worry about nuclear bombs
I have never understood the building of bunkers

the arrogance or foolishness to believe
that if you survive

you will be the ones to rebuild society
on a toxic planet

I wouldn’t worry about it

I would gather all those I love in my house
and paint an X on the roof

we would hold hands as they aimed
for our target

and we would sleep together
knowing we were not leaving
a better world behind

you try
with a flint
and matches
to set a fire
in his heart

but the ice
that lives there
melts it as soon
as it touches it

and she knows
she will have to
either live in the cold
loveless and cruel
or be a moth to a flame
forever

this one's for September's sadness
splintered floors and splashes
of chemicals
that the doctor prescribed,
that you're not sure work
but are too scared to argue,
sweep your sadness into a clinical hug,
caress it like a dumb lover,
for it cannot speak aloud,
only yell inside your head
screaming banshees in the night,
thirty days, and thirty pills
and a bottle of *****,
September's sadness has an end
it cries out under blue lights
and sirens...

turbulent ocean waves do not scare me,

I urge them on to reach the sky,

knowing that they never will
but still holding a small amount of hope

that maybe, maybe

all our spirits can soar

infinitely

and we will never be grounded

again

I stand
with you
for you
even when
you go to war
against yourself

(especially when)

I see your heart breaking
love running through
your fingers like sand

I believe in you

stardust soul
you will drink
water from the
craters of the
moon

doing the impossible
dreaming the undreamable
living, daring, being

owning the space of the universe
that is designed only for you

My heart may crumble
in your hands
like Autumn leaves

but I am a Spring storm in waiting,
ready to drown yours in rain,
until it shrivels up and dies

We dig our graves with our fingernails,
imprinting the memory of the soil to them

to be able to claw our way back out again

when death wraps us around His teeth
and sinks them into our despairing necks,

people ask me;

“did you fight to the death?”

and I blink, not understanding the point
they are trying to make,

or else wondering if they are asking
to see the documented photos of my injuries,

“I would rather die!”
they say,

but I know how desperately
you want to stay alive

when a fist meets your face
and a hand smothers your mouth

and you can’t breathe

and you don’t believe in God,
but you pray anyway

Do. Not. Let. Me. Die. Here.

Please,

don’t

Death’s jaws will take you,
but you know that soil, now

and you can climb,
dear God girl, you can crawl

inch by inch

into the sunlight

is love like silent stars
shining in a midnight sky
or crying moondust into
a gigantic ocean of pearls

or is it merely veins
twisting and untethering
between two hearts

it is for the skies and oceans to know
but for mere humans to feel

if only green leaves, stayed green
flowers stayed in full bloom
and the autumn of our lives
didn't chase us down
until we tired, and collapsed
into submission

but we must make peace
with the seasons of our lives
for each can heal us
each can free us
each can save us

with rain there is cleansing
with brown leaves, you can crush hate in your hand
with snow, everything becomes pure again

embrace the changing year
before it falls into silence

When the flowers die
our hearts die with them
shrivelled, brittle and cold
winter waiting in slumber
for the next Spring bloom

Damaged girl, they say,
so damaged girl, I act,

don’t touch me,
for my fingers are fire,
and I will not hesitate to burn you to the ground,

don’t love me,
for my heart is a serpent that will
land a poisonous bite in your neck,
and I will not flinch, but look on,

damaged girl,
damaged goods,
unworthy of touch,
unworthy of love,

but do not mistake my tone for self pity,

for I am happy
burning my way through men,
as they have burnt their way through me

revenge is a flame on the flesh of one
who reminds you of your enemy

and a snake bite, in the neck of your abuser

we sighed
so deeply
that the moon
shook
and the stars
rattled
and the night
trembled
to know our names

our tears stained the ocean
but they were really pearls

to be cherished
in an antique box

our sighs and tears
moving skies and seas

breathing fresh life into
the universe

How do we go from surviving
to thriving?

to plunge our hands
into the heart of darkness
and twist it into light

to learn to bloom into a rose
from a rotten seed

I long to sing stardust from my lungs
and scatter the sky with diamonds

but I must learn how to live, first

to live and not exist

heathen heart -
you sank your teeth
into my neck
and drank my blood
like a fine wine,
lips dripping merlot red
you didn't care about
the consequences
in your moment of pleasure,
a volcanic eruption
of shame was waiting
but still you drank me down
deep, as if thirst was your plague,
as you drew for fractured breath
I trembled,
and in your eyes their was the slightest shadow of
remorse,
enough to stop you draining me dry, though?
to stop you leaving me an empty vessel
skin and bones
remains to be seen