we are the dancing shadows on your wall

birthed by the moon

voiceless, we sing for our hearts

captivity

rocks and bones, sticks and stones

a cage that shackles love

fearful of its infinite strength to heal

sun and moon, light and day

we break free

we are stardust

choking the throats of the unbelievers

along the road of disregard

I walked, hand in hand with destiny

teasing it to tell my stories end

greeted only with silence

and solemn vows

to keep placing one foot

in front of the other

until we reached our journey’s end

where my past flashed before my eyes

before making peace with every shard

of shame

You forged my heart

and stamped it
on every lover’s lips

every act of authenticity
got lost

in your haste to make
quick bucks of love

Your love ran through my veins

until they became

varicose

and now I am twisted out of

shape

and the natural art of bleeding is

all consuming

pain

He told me I had old eyes

that had devoured an ocean
and skies of midnight blue

so deep, that he was scared
to tip his toe in the water

for fear of being consumed
by my ancient seas

daydreams

you woke me from

with wine soaked kisses
and sugar soft touches

fingers, painting our initials on my back

my spine a canvas for the heartsick
artist

and his muse

forsaking their hearts for an age old tale
locked together in a common fantasy

that this is what love looks like

Like the desert,
your heart lives in a state of extremes

my fingers burn as I touch it, in daylight
and freeze, at night

I cannot live in its contrasting shades of heat
unstable and frantic

I have tried to tame the polarities of love

but was left broken hearted

myself

I held forever
in the palm of my hand

as pretty and promising
as a pink carnation

and you took your thumb and forefinger
and ripped every petal off

until all I was left with was a green stem
of memories and might have been

My eyes scan the empty night

stars burn my soul,
exposing the core of me

the darkness and light
that contrast in an infinite paradox,
that my mind cannot always bare

the moon picks my heart, like a flower
and treats it with a fragility it isn’t used too

my heart and soul now belong
to the endless night

and I feel a calmness I have not felt in years
knowing I am now a child of the universe

I still feel you

in the water that covers my toes
after another night staring out at the waves

in my shallow breath,
in my lungs that ache for a red wine kiss

in my blood that runs cold,
begging for the warmth of your touch

I still feel you
I still feel you
are you really...

gone

hearts beating,
black blood

limbs twisted together wildly,
like contortionists

fingers gripping onto fingers,
like icicles

something beautiful,
made obscene

we are a mere echo of love

the girl in the red dress
haunts my dreams

twirling through my nightmares
like a ghost

taking coffee at my breakfast table
like an unwelcome house guest

she carries herself with sorrow
with the reminders of every scar on her heart
one for each time it was broken

she walks hand in hand with darkness
for she has seen it, known it, felt it
with her very fingertips

I do not look in mirrors,
for their reflection will show

that the girl in the red dress
is me

my cure and my curse

wrapped in one flesh

whose fingers flicker lightly down my back

until I beg for moonlight

to conceal the shame of this moment

I stand a monument of your prosperity

but I am really just a fool who cannot

say no

Your memory is etched into my mind

as permanently as though it were stone,
and someone took out a chisel
and carved out your name

I cannot forget you,

after six glasses of gin, you blur
into something more beautiful, in character  

but it is still
your face
your hands
your heart

that have woven me
in the fabric of time and space

so that I am a planet

forever in debt to your sun

I look in the mirror
each morning
and see a stranger
reflected back at me

I take my fingers
and peel back the first layer
of glass, and reveal nothing

I accept that I have to invite this stranger
into my life, like an old friend
offer her tea, make her comfortable
love her enough in the hopes that one day
we may connect

and I shall no longer see her face
but my own, reflected, smiling

Fallen -
like Lucifer
we find ourselves a new home

scolding -
we toast marshmallows in the the flames
let them lick our feet

burn our hair
until the smell makes us
faint

for you,
and only you

I take tea in the fires of Hell

this heart of porcelain

vitrified by your gentle hands

I am delicate, you said

like an unplucked flower

I am just waiting to be

smashed, picked, broken

and you would stand in the smithereens

and cry

over a ruined masterpiece

but shed no tears

over the girl who sacrificed her heart

for your art

Your fist opens
like a spray carnation

I pick at its pink petals
teasing it to take my fingers
and weave them between yours

for us to hold hands
as the sun beams down on us

burning the flowers to dirt
offering them back to the Earth

There’s no crueller word
than goodbye

Until it’s accompanied
by the whys

I am not whole, you see,
for there is a hole that runs
right through the centre of me

a void of emotion
where fear, shame and despair

disappear from view

(from me)

rainy days can make my mind murmur, though
with a flicker of recognition

For even the sky cries, dear...

Even the sky

I thought about the body I have hated all my life

I asked it “what will it take?”

Less food
More food
More puke
More pills
More miles
Less stones

It never answers, so I was surprised to hear a whisper this time...

“It will take kindness, acceptance, love...

You have to love me, darling. You have to let go.”

bleeding ink from my fingers
I try to paint a picture with words
clumsy and heavy
the letters swim
and change
I smoke ten cigarettes
in an hour
desperate to tease some kind
of creativity from my mind
but the ink runs dry,
and all that is left
is a black handprint on the page,
the result of pressing down too hard,
trying to put my pain to paper

pale and interesting
wilts under the August sun

each ray eradicating a joke, a charming tale

your skin ****** with heat and as it cracks
seeps through everything you tried to hide

a boring soul, a wandering eye, a fickle heart

I did not mean to burn you, darling
but you just weren’t interesting

to me

we kissed on rain soaked
street corners

as each droplet looked
like a crystal on the
concrete

and on your wet lips
I tasted the word

forever

poets long to be held
in the embrace of words

caressed by consonants  
held in the void with vowels

to have letters wrap around their fingers
like fingers

their sadness lies in knowing
that each poem has an ending

and that most are no more
than a drop in the ocean

of history

I am tired of being
a pit stop for your love

I am not here to fix your broken soul
or refuel your depleting lust

my heart has it’s own wound
don’t make me try to heal yours

(as well)

I stay up waiting
for a sign

maybe it is in
the sun rise

or the moon’s fall
as the stars start to fade

and my love wanes
with waiting

I type as I live,
from word to word,
bouncing from the walls
of my brain,
as I try to find another image
of beauty or love,

I type as I live,
in a desperate frenzy
with nicotine and coffee stains,

I type as I live,
because I have no choice, no say, no control
in this

Like the moon and stars

we belong to the night

we do not quiver
when darkness falls

for our hearts and eyes

belong to the midnight sky

scars are stories
with next chapters

they are not
the final lines

they do not mean
you’ve reached
the end of the book

the promises
were too high
the cost of failing
to meet them
will show
in due time

a man without a gun
can still ****

with a word or without
an unsaid goodbye

to plunge a knife into a chest
pierces a heart and leaves it bleeding

a pool of crimson settling around
his feet

he will move away
when it gets too close to his toes

repulsed, not by his act
but by his lover's final offering

that means nothing to him

bloodsucker
night terror
ghosts that haunt the sheets
I sleep under

black heart
bleeding ink
desperate to write, but the words
won’t cut loose from my throat

black cloud
black dog
biting
teeth bared, ready to taste blood

I sink deeper into misery
looking for a hand
to pull me out of this ocean
of despair

on reflection
this year has held more grief than joy
but grief and joy and be held
in the same palm of your hand
and blossom into a new bloom of hope
it’s okay if all you did was survive
next year will be your year
to thrive

I see your eyes
false stars in a faithless sky
begging us to try again

but luck runs dry, like water
and dull sparks cannot reignite a fire
the burnt out, long ago

I miss your touch
but it no loner warms me
or reaches my heart

farewell, faithless sky
I have to say goodbye

my heart bleeds

not for you

but for the you I used to know

black mist falls
like night
and it is always night

(here)

where the shadows dance
and ghosts play poker
with my heart

I am not in control
of my mind

(you see)

I am its player
acting out a scene of smiles
when all is sorrow

(inside)

your mind
is merely dancing skeletons
in the dark
take comfort
in the quickstep
and know that these
shackles will break
and you will dance upon
the heavy dew grass
again

How did we fall into
this power struggle

love and kindness
tugging with scorn and disregard

each day we wake
and wonder whose heart
will triumph

we drink our coffee
and contest over its
bitterness

or sweetness

every day we fight
over nothing
and everything

our souls eradicating
with each row

if this is love
then I shudder at the thought
of hate

the branches shook to hear your name

the magpies screamed when there was
nothing left

to steal

as you’d taken it all, in a fell swoop

like you’d taken my heart

brutally, dishonestly

and the branches shook

in trepidation

in case they were next

forever washed over our skin

like water

waves against the shore

boats against the current

we struggled, like sailors

to control the ocean

to bend it to our will

but in the end

the deep sea took us

and we drowned in beautiful

blue

these fingers can weave magic
these lips can utter spells

but only you have the potion which I drink
as if dying of thirst

that transforms my heart into a quivering bird

desperately seeking it’s voice
to sing it’s song of freedom

holy water, holy wine
your touch comes as a Holy Trinity

a beginning
a middle and
an end

let us not say goodbye, just yet
let us just wait for the potion
to settle in my stomach
one last time

Your voice calls in the night

stirring the silence of my cigarettes and coffee

I have not slept in days, for your hauntings

leave me questioning everything

every kiss
every “I love you”
every goodbye

did I mean that last goodbye?

or does my heart still grow under your touch

Star shaped bullets

fired from the night sky’s rifle

murdering the sins of daylight

what must never be seen under the sun

destroyed in a passionate blaze

star shaped bullets

footprints on the moon

our kisses and confessions

will all be over soon

You hold lies in your hands, like aces

they grow like Chrysanthemums

a word that you learnt to spell, at school

scarred on your memory like a bad trip  

pass me a card,

and I will feed and water it

tend to it daily

in hopes that it may just bloom

into something beautiful

I wake up to your face each morning,

your hair creating red flames across a cotton white pillow,
your eyes, deep blue, luring me to stare into the depths
of the ocean, to be serenaded by mermaids,
your lips taste of coffee and cigarettes
as I plant a good morning kiss onto them,

this is a sight I want to see before I breathe
my very last breath,

I take it in, each detail
and fingerprint it on my memory,

you are more beautiful in this raw moment
than you could ever be

any other way

Do not compare me to a summer’s day

for I am a storm

incoming

ready to consume everything in my path

your heart included

I am not subtle, sweet or warm

I am fierce, loud, overwhelming

I will devour your

soul

and leave it singing only

for me

a diamond in the rough -
I took a chance
ruby stained lips -
my hearts second glance

we painted the town as if
red was the colour of timidity
our shadows forever glowed
with a blue halo

but now we're older
past thirty, at least
and we're tired of chasing stars
being chased out of bars

"let's settle down"
you say
and I can imagine it
wild hearts - tamed by age and exhaustion
free spirits - locked in by doors and windows

but I've found my diamond
and will wear it on my heart
into old age and mundanity

wrinkled hands clinging tightly to each other
hot mugs of tea and newspapers on a Sundays
our last breath, shared

what if I'd been born
twenty years before you
and missed you

let us watch the infinite night sky

and pick which constellation
we are going to set our love against

the stars sing our names

and the moon reminds us
that every phase is part of
a whole picture

growing, healing, moving

with the ocean

and in the beating of waves
we find clarity

in the end
the only love that you’ll remember

is the kind that made your heart break
with each act of kindness, or cruelty

made your lungs burn, as you gasped for air
between each kiss

made you feel like you were going to die
each morning, when you said goodbye

that kind of love
is the only love that will leave
fingerprints on your mind