I can't make my poems rhyme
Or flow
Like I wish I could
My brain just
Spits my thoughts out
Onto the empty paper
Like my brain is sick with all these thoughts
And this is the way to get better

I've come to the
realization
that I will never be
strong enough
to end my life

And that makes me
want to end it
even more

-e.w.

I'm so scared
That you won't
Think about me
As you lie awake
Restless
5 years from now
Because I tried
To give you everything
But you
Denied me
And I became
A mere
Nothing
To you

And I say
I'm over you,
I'm over this
But the truth is
You meant
A lot
To me
So I can't
Get over you
As quickly
As I want
Or,
As quickly
As my heart
Needs.

-e.w.

It's nights like these
That I wish
I could just
Disappear

-e.w.

You make me
Sick to my
Stomach
Yet I feel
Right at
Home
When you speak
Even one word
To me.

Because your presence
Can either
Make me feel
Like I want to die
Or like
I want to be
Around,
Hopefully with you,
Forever.

You either
Make me feel
Like I'm the most
Worthless
Person in the
Whole world
Or like
I'm the one
Who matters
Most to you.

And I don't
Understand
How someone
Like me
Could love and
Hate someone
So much

And that
Someone
Is you.

-e.w.

You give me
Such terrible,
Bone crippling
Anxiety
And it feels like
My heart
Is ready
To leap out of
My chest
Whenever you're
Around.

-e.w.

I say goodbyes
Quite often
Because once someone
Enters into
My life
They seem to leave
As if
They were never
Here.

-e.w.

I want
To feel
Love
So bad.
But at the
Same time,
I don't want
To feel like
I finally
Matter to someone
And then get dropped
Because I know
That I will
Shatter, once again
Into a million,
Teeny-tiny
Pieces.

-e.w.

one minute
i hate your guts,
and the next
i'm hopelessly drowning
in those ocean blue eyes
and i know
that we never have a chance
because you have her
and she's so much better
than me
but sometimes,
for a few moments,
i love to think
that one day
you'll talk to me
like you used to
and we could help each other
heal our hearts
that are shattered in a
million pieces

-e.w.

Two more days
Until I get to hear
The songs
That keep me alive
And see the two boys
That make all that
Possible

Because they write the
Music
That help me get
Through the days

And lately,
This concert has been
The only thing
I'm staying alive for

-e.w.

nine days
until I can finally
get out of this
hell

but I wish it was longer
than for just
the summer

-e.w.

I’m not sure if I can do this
If I can make it through the days

If I can hold onto the small string
From the tough rope

My grasp is loosening
My mind is unraveling
My heart is racing

I’m not cut out for this

I’ve tried my hardest
I promise
But I’ve come to the end

I can’t keep struggling
With this smile
Slapped across my face

Making it seem like I’m okay

But I’m a walking skeleton
I’m losing wieght
I’m tired
All the time

I don’t want to be around
Or talk
To anyone

No one can fix this.

I’ve gotten myself in too deep
And I can’t force myself out
It’s a neverending pit

I think I might die here
With a bottle in my right hand
And a cell phone in the left

911 punched in
As the pills sing me to sleep

-e.w.

I haven't been
Doing very well
These past few weeks

And part of me thought
I was over this;
This never ending
Sadness

But it came
Creeping back up
Because I always
Let things get to me
And they just can't seem
To leave well enough
Alone

Because I've become
Sadder than ever
And it's like
My heart has been replaced
With this black hole
Slowly ******* me in

And somehow
You don't seem to notice
Or,
Maybe you try to
Ignore it

But you're the man
Who raised me
Who has been by my side
Through thick
And thin

So I don't understand
How you could not see
That your little girl
Is slowly
Dying.

-e.w.

I write these words
Arranged in different sentences
As they sit nicely
On the lines of a poem
So I can maybe make something
Out of the hell raging on
Inside my mind.

-e.w.

I'm trying to be happy

I'm trying to be positive

I'm trying
for you

-e.w.

I always seem
To describe you
As nicotine

Because even if I'm
Sober
From the way
You make me feel

There's still that lingering
Addiction
Flowing through my veins.

-e.w.

For the first time in awhile
I took a bath
And I went outside
And just sat there
For the first time
In a long time
And thought about
Everything
For the longest time

And it was the best feeling
In the whole world

-e.w.

I hate you
So much
And it's
So hard
To pretend
Like I
Don't

Because every
Move you make,
Every word you
Say
I feel like
Either suffocating
You
Or maybe it would
Be easier
To just suffocate
Myself

Because you act
Perfect
When we all know
No one is
Perfect

Especially not
You.

-e.w.

I wish so badly
That I could take back
Everything
I've ever said to
Everybody
So I wouldn't have gotten close to
Anybody
Because then I wouldn't be a
Somebody
In their minds

Because then it might make
Swallowing these ******* pills
So much easier.

-e.w.

I liked you
       But I know
           You don't like me too,
                                 But it's okay
                                    No one seems to
                                                     Anyway

-e.w.

Today's been bad
           The worst in awhile
                 And it's days like these
                        That I wish I could just
                                  End it.
-e.w

I have this feeling
Deep inside my chest
That I need to
Stop loving you

Because I look at you
With longing eyes
But you walk right past
With longing strides

My name gets caught
Between your lips
As it slides right out
I'm wishing that it hadn't

You've broken me
Oh, so many times
I know I'm stupid,
But I can't help it

Because yet again,
I fall for you
With every word you say
With every smile you flash

I promised myself
That I would try to not love you

But here I am,
9:04 on Valentines Eve

Falling for you
Yet again.

-e.w.

I've been called
A "self-loathing *****"
Too many times
To count on
Two hands
Just in the past
Week

But I'm sorry
That I hate
Every inch
Of this body that I'm
Trapped in

And I'm sorry
That every word
That slips from my lips,
I look at
As a huge mistake

And I'm sorry
That you think
I'm just doing it
All for "show"

When in reality
There's something
Deep in my chest
That makes me
So depressed
And it
Just
Won't
Leave.

-e.w.

There was nothing I liked more
Than walking past you
Pretending I didn't see you
As you stared at me,
Yearning for me to look

But I didn't
And I never do

Because I told myself awhile ago
That if you wanted me
You would've tried
At least a little
To talk to me
And try at
Whatever the hell
This is,
Or was
Between
Us

-e.w.

I'm sorry
That I didn't want to talk
But I promise
I didn't want to talk to
Anyone
I wanted to entangle
Myself in the sadness
Because I think it has finally won
These slits on my arm
Show that I have lost this battle
And the evil thoughts
Coursing through my terrible mind
Show that I have lost
Part of me thought that I could possibly
Win
But that part was
Incredibly wrong
Because today has been the
Worst
And I lost the person
Who I cared for most
Because my best friend
Thinks I'm intentionally
Pushing her away
When really
It's just these bad thoughts
Telling me
That she doesn't care
Either
But I promise
That I have been trying
My hardest
But like I've said
Over and over and over
Again

I have never been good enough
And I never
Will
Be.

-e.w.

Life is hell
Love is poison

But sometimes you find that person
You'd follow though hell
And get sick for

-e.w.

It tears me apart
When I want so badly
To pursue the one thing
In this world
That makes me truly happy

But it's so hard
When there are so many people
Who are so much
Better
Than me
And I know
I'll never
Make it out
On top

-e.w.

I'm having one of those
Days,
Weeks,
Months,
Years.

Because nothing
Seems to help
Anymore

Because nothing
Seems to make me
Happy

Because like I've said
A million times
And I'll say it
A million more

I am in this
Pit of depression
Where I am stuck
Without a ladder,
Rope,
Or even a hand
To bring me back
To the
Surface.

-e.w.

The only way anymore
For me to feel
Just an ounce of
Happiness
Is to listen to the music
That fills my ears
And fills the empty cracks
Inside my heart
That ache with pain
But when I hear
Those few notes
And that voice
That could compare to
My very own angels
I am
Free

Even for just a moment
I can forget
About the depression,
Anxiety
And all the other horrors
That fill my body
And crazy, mixed-up
Mind.

-e.w.

I’m shaking
I can’t breath

I’m lost
I’m stuck
I don’t know where I am

You reach your hand out
A way for help
You made me love you

You talked to me
Made me feel important
Like I actually mattered

You understood me
You were going through it too
I helped you as you helped me

It lasted 17 days
That’s all
Until I was just another person

Left on the floor
Broken
Like a shard of glass

I had no one
No one to understand
To help

Yes, I have friends
But they aren't like you
I felt something with you

You smile in the halls
You wave
I smile back

But I’m silent
I realize it was over
Before it even started

Then why do I miss you?

-e.w.