I've always wondered
What it would be like to take a drag
From a cigarette

To have the nicotine fill my heavy lungs
To puff out the beautiful smoke
To feel calm

But when I thought about your lips
On mine

I think that it was close enough.

-e.w.

I'm insane.

Yet,
I'm as sane as they get

These emotions fill me up
Up to the brim

The outside always holds the lie
Waiting for the day I will explode
Making sure everyone knows
Exactly how I feel

But for now,
My emotions topple over my eyes

Making my eyelids heavy
As I keep them awake until 4:32 am
As my mind races
And my heart thumps with anxiety

Waiting for the day
When you'll know,
That I have never been okay.

-e.w.

I hit,
Scratch,
Cut

At all the imperfections that line my body.

There is a monster
Swimming around
Bumping into my organs
Scratching up my insides

It gets stronger every day
Wanting to get out

It points out the flaws
Makes me weak
Shreds up my hope

I'm weak.

I lay in bed at night
Pondering the thought of sleep
Deep, deep sleep

Thinking if I had the courage to,
I would be long gone by now

But something makes me hold on
I don't know what it is;

But some days,
I wish it would just let go.

-e.w.

I’m shaking
I can’t breath

I’m lost
I’m stuck
I don’t know where I am

You reach your hand out
A way for help
You made me love you

You talked to me
Made me feel important
Like I actually mattered

You understood me
You were going through it too
I helped you as you helped me

It lasted 17 days
That’s all
Until I was just another person

Left on the floor
Broken
Like a shard of glass

I had no one
No one to understand
To help

Yes, I have friends
But they aren't like you
I felt something with you

You smile in the halls
You wave
I smile back

But I’m silent
I realize it was over
Before it even started

Then why do I miss you?

-e.w.

Life is hell
Love is poison

But sometimes you find that person
You'd follow though hell
And get sick for

-e.w.

I’m not sure if I can do this
If I can make it through the days

If I can hold onto the small string
From the tough rope

My grasp is loosening
My mind is unraveling
My heart is racing

I’m not cut out for this

I’ve tried my hardest
I promise
But I’ve come to the end

I can’t keep struggling
With this smile
Slapped across my face

Making it seem like I’m okay

But I’m a walking skeleton
I’m losing wieght
I’m tired
All the time

I don’t want to be around
Or talk
To anyone

No one can fix this.

I’ve gotten myself in too deep
And I can’t force myself out
It’s a neverending pit

I think I might die here
With a bottle in my right hand
And a cell phone in the left

911 punched in
As the pills sing me to sleep

-e.w.

There’s nothing left
I’ve come down to the end
I’ve fought my war long enough

I can feel death’s fingers
Wrap around my neck with ease
I’m losing my breath

Why can’t it be over?
Why can’t I just end it?

There’s a bottle of pills on my counter
With my name labeled across it
Begging me to gulp them down

There’s a bottle of alcohol
Next to the pills
Begging for me to take a few sips

But why is it so hard?

It would take 60 seconds
60 seconds for my body to collapse
Fade away

I would love that
It would be an escape
An escape from this hell

People don’t even try to help
I suffer
In silence

I’m sorry I’m like this
I really am
But the depression is the sea

And I am forever drowning in it

-e.w.