My body is fine
It is not fine wine
It is not **** fine
but its fine
"My body" is a foreign phrase
Because it is there
Its not here
Its just there
its fine
But sometimes my body does not feel like mine
It doesn't feel like yours or hers or his
But it feels unlike mine
It feels fine in a way of
Its just,
there
yet not there
Sometimes it wants to change
But I do not want to change
I want to like what's already there
The fine I've had to grow use to
Adapt to
The fine of old and new
The fine I tell myself to learn to like
The fine that stops me from asking too much
The fine that wont let me bother
The it's fine
The you're fine
The you're perfect the way you way
But I sit here curled up and I realize
Maybe
Maybe its not fine

There is no fatigue that is not of the wind,
     with storms that land on seas blow in.
Speckled dust of others sorrows.
     As feelings launch from mouths spitting wild.
With shivers we feel the wind releasing,
        out our fingertips gripping our own throats releasing.

When I close my eyes
In those times when my mind wanders
An image of you makes my heart sting
I see her on the outside like shes still inside
The words we exchanged in moments shared
Encompassed in pouring water
Our bodies pressed gently as we laid near
I wish I had caught your distance
But your promises of forever broke my heart
I needed you
Would it have made a difference if I knew that then?
I admit this now as the wet pen strokes the soft paper
Like the smell of your empty room
our time together was short lived, like the happiness in your eyes
The fire you started burnt me to a smoldered black
You were so small and comfortable in my arms
Yet the damage you did was enough for two
After my death you became absent
Your words posed threats, and you told me I changed
but how do you stay the same after you lose your life
I needed you
Where did you go when you went back to him
Is your unhappiness in his bed, better than a year with me
I was your first valentine, and our drunk kisses tasted like warm blooded wine
In exile you run to forget us
I see you with your crowd you cling
Your eyes look over me, and under your clothes I miss you
You left me in ruins
The pieces I had already lost, far before you came
I needed you, and I feel the need for you still grows
Im a fool, yet I know you're still here
You're in my head like a plague
I know your silence, it speaks enough
You've left, and you made sure I don't follow.

I'm afraid of where this all may  lead
It happened faster than a wound can bleed
As if in all my past attempts, I falter
but with this I feel far stronger,
than when a wave so strong falls beneath my feet
in currents I swim, and water I breath
but in this, I do not drown
it is my mind that now reaches beyond my bounds
Because I feel with you, I am at a loss
it could end up with me in your arms
or in between a rock, and hard
tears stained on alter or bed sheets, alone
where will I be lead
and where is this road?

It is on this day
The eve on the 'morrow
that my insatiable hunger cannot be satisfied
It is on this night
on the early morn' of a new dawn
that i am at a lack of devices that could stop my yearn'
Yet with my lack of conviction I find
that in debt and loss I can begin to breath
a new wave of emptiness can be considered a blessing
When gluttony can only fill you up with unease

In this, I feel
Shaky hands that cannot type
My breath unable to catch like coats on a hanger
Chocked by garbage dispensers in mid flight

I have no one to blame but myself
For letting your smile that stabs like daggers,
Into my vulnerable organs now spilled on the floor,
all the more craddled in my now bloodied hands

You could say its my lack of conviction
or my social manners in dealing with all the more composed

Your eyes that catch mine and rip open the doors to my early demise

Yet, These intense emotions are all in my head
This lair where you slumber and never wake
because you are not really here

Your stay is that of a cheap motel fly, who zips and zaps
your noise quick and sharp

How all the others cannot see the glow that surrounds you
is beyond any words I could compose

It is known that I do, because it is I that is motionless from the amount I inject
The osmosis of emotional intake, has left me dead on the ground.