I sit. A pleasant
Chill arouses me into
An old trance-like state.

If you love someone
Do not ever let them go.
They will not come back.

My love, I know not
If death is better as a
Butcher or ballet.

There may be a thorn
In my side, but you have such
Beautiful petals.

You stay on my mind like a compliment.
Something that stays there making you smile
Through all the troubles you might come across in a day.
A comfortable place where you can run to
When you feel most vulnerable.
For me, that place was your arms.
On my most troubling days,
I would immediately feel at peace when I was with you.
Your lips would press to my forehead
And my brain would begin to calm down
As my heart would start to race.
We were so young,
And maybe our youth is what ended us in the first place.
But we attempted to face the odds of lasting forever
Solely because we thought our love could conquer all.
We would drive through neighborhoods and look at houses saying,
"That's the house we will live in.
White panel siding,
Black shutters,
And a red door.
Our three kids would love the backyard.
Don't you think?"
That was our dream.
What you didn't understand is
That you are already home for me.
I don't need a fancy house
Or a big yard
Or even children to make my life seem fulfilled-
I just need you.
And when you got down on your knee,
I knew you were serious.
We may have been young,
And I might have seemed doubtful at times,
But I swear to you I knew
From the instant I said, "I love you too"
That you would have my heart forever.
It was supposed to be me and you.
Happy together.
But we let the movie fade to black too soon and our
Happily Ever After
Was all just a dream.
Those don't always come true, you know.
I know that I've been talking too much,
And I shouldn't be saying these things,
But I want to be the one to make you happy.
I want to be the one who lives life with you
After the screen fades to black.

People keep asking me if I still love you.

Of course I do.
I would yell it from the rooftops.
A first love is one that blossoms before
Your eyes into the most beautiful and innocent
Bouquet of intertwined stems whose necks lead up to petals kissing.
The feeling of butterflies
Swarms you when he kisses you for
The first time, for that feeling just continues to grow
Up and out until it leads to the revealing of a sudden, "I love you"
In my heart
And mind.
Is it my heart making me feel like this?
Or is the swarm flying around all through me that
*Makes me feel as if my mind is no longer only for my soul's desires?

We have never talked
About when you kissed me.

Did you think it was a mistake?
I'm too much of a mess
To take care of.

But still on quiet nights,
After I become clean
And rid myself of tears,
I long for happiness.
I find it in thoughts of you.

Those thoughts don't lead to much
I sometimes try to act on them,
But then the happiness is eclipsed by fear.
And my fear is always crippling.

So instead I turn to what people think of as fear.
Instead I long for dreams of
Clowns chasing me with an ax.