I don't know where to begin.
I wish I could tell you.
Everyday I punch a wall once, twice maybe three times.
This isn't the worst part.
On the outside I am an image of childhood.
Innocence.
On the inside I can see what I've done to myself.
Temple.
I can feel that I've destroyed my insides, everything that keeps me alive.
I've slowly destroyed it.
Every day I add a new line, one, two, maybe even three.
You'll never know, you never ask.
Enjoy your time.
I'll enjoy mine.

The ocean is a beautiful blue during the day. Warm water covering my existence with every step.
Everyone admires the ocean and what it can provide but what happens when it turns cold, black and lifeless at night.
People will turn away, no longer take pictures and leave it to be alone. Anyone who try's to become close with the ocean will be struck with the catastrophic waves, turned cold, soon to be lifeless.
The lucky ones will turn away before even taking the chance to be eroded by the waves.
When the day returns the ocean is once again a beautiful blue. Don't they realize the cycle will always continue...until what once was forgotten is remembered.
To bad water evaporates.
Once it's gone there is no bringing it back.

You slid in and took my place.
I'm happy that you've found another but at the same time I hate it.
I tear myself apart every time I see you together.
I say that should have been me but maybe they needed it more.
It isn't fair though because I didn't ask for this.
I hate this.
I loveeee doing it but I hate the consequences.
I do this because of you and them.
All the times we should have been on the playground remembering, we weren't.
I wish you knew.

My emotions are blank.
I hear my mother and father laughing and talking.
My sister joins in the conversation, soon she starts to laugh and talk.
My brother is asleep.
I walk downstairs, get a cup of coffee, respond to the everyday questions "how'd you sleep?" my response "fine."
"What'd you dream about?" My response "nothing." Their response "oh so you were very tired" my thought response "silence."
I stare aimlessly at the cup across from me.
Thinking about every thing and nothing at the same time.
I soon realize my cup is empty.
Breakfast is ready and no one has talked to me yet again.
I hear "emma" I think it's my brain saying that.
"Emma" I realize it isn't, it's my father.
"I need your help" my response "oh okay."
Once I'm done helping I realize I'm only ever called upon if someone needs my help.
When is it my turn?
Can anyone help me?

I look, it'll never be.
My thoughts tell me...it'll never be.
I know, it'll never be.
It's so perfect, the shades, the angles and the sounds.
I look, your a disappointment.
My thoughts tell me...your a disappointment.
I know, I'm a disappointment.
Go away.

Every song reminds me of what we were.
I miss you.
I need you.
I've thought about it everyday "if I could just go back to my old ways, before anyone knew."
I'd do it all over again because now I know what I want.
I've already replayed every time it happened to see if I could get the same emotion out of it.
I'm beginning to experiment again.
I now have a reason for every single one.
I've reached the point where I have them all in reach.
I will soon allow myself to fall into it... In every way.

The wind howls.
The wind outlines my body.
The wind makes my bones ache.
The wind freezes my existence.
Even without the wind I feel these things creep upon me.
As I dare my friend to scream as loud as she can I hope she doesn't back out. Little does she know I want to let everything that is built up inside of me out.
I just need an excuse to scream in the middle of an empty road.
The wind cuts my hands , my arms and my face.
Tonight I didn't have to do it.
The wind did everything for me.

Your eyes are distorted.
Hazy.
Your eyes aren't perfect inside.
The outside of your eye is one of the great wonders.
Stormy and torn up one moment.
Sunny and inspired the next.
I see the love and I see the hate.
I have a plan to make you see what's real.
Take it.
It's within reach, it's not hard.
Help me, help you.
Take it.

The reason I don't miss you anymore is because I got used to not having you.
One day passed.
One week.
One month.
7 months and 18 days later.
My heart shatters time to time, nothing that poison can't fix.
It's killing me inside all over, one thing led to another.
Would you be okay with it?
If you are just tell me and I won't hesitate to give into the temptation.
It's warm outside, it warms my outer body.
Not my insides though, they are still slowly dying and cold.
I feel as if I touch you you'll be whole again and as soon as I let go I'll demolish our well being.
I'll continue to play the same song and create scenarios.
My brain is stuck In twister season.

I looked into your eyes and discovered your life was a lie.
You were more worried about the size of your thighs than being alive.
You told me you wanted to die and every day I asked myself why.
I look at the sky and think to myself could you have come up with better lies?