I like being alone
accomplishing a mental checklist of mundane activities
or doing nothing but thinking
I like being alone

I don't like being lonely
letting my mind wander to corners where you used to reside
tucking in the sheets, not having to worry if I've pulled them too far to my side
I don't like being lonely

what used to be pleasure now is nothing but pain
my smile was washed away with the rain
and I shiver in the soggy cold
wishing I had someone's hand to hold

time passes and feelings stay
I've been patiently waiting for them to fade away
days, through months, then onto years
the smokes in my pack slowly disappear
and I wish I could share each one
with you

your ******* scent mixed with traces of your cigarettes
reminds me of a place called home

as I pull your sweater over my head like I would familiar sheets over my body
shivers that once ran down my spine cautiously fade away as I sense comfort in my surroundings

and when I look in your magical eyes I feel homesick for a place I haven't been
a place that I'm only just now exploring

my eager finger tips glide over your skin and I am hungry for more of you
my paradise
I feel you in my bones
I breathe you in

I remember every mark on your skin like it was my own
if home is where the heart is
then I have found mine in your arms

each day I lend an ear to word that another friend is on the path of drug abuse
denying to themselves and everyone else that there is a problem
though ten hospital visits in two months defines the opposite

your constant snorting and sniffing is not a routine considered normal
to anyone but you

rapidly emptying baggy after baggy
rapidly spending cheque after cheque

sustainable until the grave

about 300 kilometres
years of indecisiveness
finally requited feelings
bad timing
and bc ferries
are keeping us from giving it a try

1 year of snap chats and texting
almost daily
all added up to both of us being too shy
to actually make a move

day to day
I can forget your face
it is out of my control though
when my eyes close and you appear
in my dreams your face is beautiful and soft
fresh and inviting
in my dreams I want to kiss you
and I do
and in my dreams I remember why I wanted you
but day to day is not the same as it once was
I'm sorry I dream of you
my subconscious can't remember
I hate the thought of you

The surroundings are drowning my sorry soul  
but my fingers are too feeble to pry me away.
When nothing feels familiar,
I won't find any more than an empty bleak bed with wrinkled sheets.

I'm drearily dancing away from hints of lost enchantment
that come my way every time I close my tear soaked eyes.

I know where home is and it is not where I lay my head.

we act as though we are soldiers on opposing forces
desperately longing to withdraw from the fight

broken, battered, beaten

let me into your wounded soul and I will mend it with well versed
kisses that are the product of many years of the same pairs of lips
pressing against each other

coming off my ****** high
veins pulsing, head sweating, body shaking
always thinking it would never be me
always thought I took my own advice
if I could pierce my skin with the tainted needle but just one more time

I am ruined
thoughts of my drug ferociously circle my ****** brain
morning, afternoon, night
an unbelievable fight that I am winning

my demons pull me back every once in a while
and I wish I could dip my feet in
but the water is much too shallow
and the surrounding air laughs

only the flowers know

aching to run away from the crumbling mess I call home
I stumble into my thoughts and concerns
I writhe in pain and regret at moments lost while on this journey of emotions
get me out of here
get me out of here
too cautious of the feelings of those around me
I'd rather rip my flesh apart and **** the marrow from my broken bones
than sit another minute in this decrepit excuse for my abode
I will not wait

I don't care how many bottles of pills line your shelves
you've gone about destructing our friendship
with neglect tangled in subtext

I stand up for you and you pretend you don't know me
9 years of friendship with bouts of time spent apart
and you don't seem to think you owe me
an explanation

you are a novel I've read a thousand times
each time I become more familiar with the parts I don't care for
and there are parts I grow fonder of
I never bore because each time I learn more about you

I've read some other novels
some half-way, some all the way through
most books I never look twice at

Though since my eyes have glanced through your pages
I will always be enchanted by the words you convey

the snow is a reminder of how cold you were last winter
icy

subsequently,
compassion is a common courtesy
of which you considerably lack

you will rue the day you bit your tongue instead of tasting mine
and repent the hours I lost carving your memory into my skin

I feel no guilt for what I've done
or rather who

and I do not take your **** shaming lightly

my body is a temple and I treat it with respect
gifting it with pleasure and health
all things of nature

the frightened will tell you that all kinds of evil will fall
upon your mind
upon your soul
upon your body
if you share it with another

if you do not let the government have a part
in who you love or do not

how can something so undeniably natural have so many opposers?
punishment, banishment
spend your eternity in purgatory
for your lustful sins
all for having the bravery to let another touch more than your soul
without a judge vesting his power
to bring you holy matrimony

**** your societal confines

I shouldn't have been so naive as to fall for your enchanting lies

distance may make the heart grow fonder
but deceiving me will make me drift
farther from you than you're
typical and unthoughtful
brain ever would
have known

a recipe for disaster
your lips pressed on mine
like you want to get to know me

the morning after
it never happened
we slept on the same decrepit fold out couch

cuddles to kisses to
everything else
naked bodies pressed against each other for warmth
just friends
I wasn't even drunk that time