There was a time
I thought that you did
everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy, I must've been
out of my mind
When I think of the
time that I almost
loved you,
you showed your ***
& I saw the real you
Thank God you blew it,
I thank God I dodged
the bullet
I'm so over you,
so baby, good looking out

So sad, you're hurt
Boo hoo, did you
expect me to care
You don't deserve
my tears
I guess that's why
they ain't there
When I think that
there was a time that
I almost loved you
You showed your ***
& baby, yes, I saw
the real you
Thank God you blew it
I thank God I dodged
the bullet
I'm so over you,
baby, good looking out

I know you
want me back,
it's time to
face the facts
That I'm the one
that's got away
Lord knows that
it would take
another place,
another time,
another world,
another life
Thank God I found
the good in goodbye

I used to want you so bad
I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you
turned out to be the
best thing I never had
You turned out to be the
best thing I never had
& I will always be the
best thing you ever had

It ***** to be you right now

I excused myself to the bathroom which was shared with laundry
& I remember the door not closing all the way
because of the door **** missing & something in the way
Once I was finished with my business, the door flew open
I would have been startled had I not been drunk off my ***
It was him & he was smiling & I didn't like, but I did
He pushed me against the washing machine & drier duo,
& all thoughts left my mind along with the clothes on my body
It happened so fast & I didn't like it, but I did
He kissed me with such force, my lip got stuck in his braces
& I had to awkwardly explain to my mother about the bruise
I may have been drunk, but I knew what was happening,
but the only thoughts on my mind was about how
much **** I had to do tomorrow, I was so bored & unsatisfied
He wanted more after what he got & I promised I would
even though he had zero game & very poor aim
He lead me back to the couch & he fell asleep
with his head dug in my shoulder, arm around my chest,
hand between my thighs, & heavy snores in my ear
But I wasn't going to sleep, never planned on it in fact
I slid out of his grasp & quietly slid into my shoes by the door
I couldn't find my pants or my bra, but it didn't matter
I gathered all of my things & stepped out of that college party,
my almost completely exposed body meeting the cold winter
I got in my car & drove myself home at 5:30 in the morning
with the smell of bud light, ***, but almost no regret in the air
I climbed in through my window, not wanting to wake
up my parents or brother for arriving home so early
I slid into bed & pulled the covers over my poorly dressed frame
before deleting my one night stand off of my snapchat history
& falling asleep...

I shouldn't be here, I thought to myself
as soon as I stepped foot into that college party
But since they invited a high schooler, I thought,
who am I to turn down free ***** & a good time
I was greeted with a ping pong ball & a partner
& we found ourselves winning game after game
Someone got me a beer & a shot of fireball whiskey,
which were followed almost instantly by three more
I wanted the escape & I knew alcohol would  help,
help with getting me there faster & not having to worry
He was dancing with his friends before I noticed,
he was dancing over into my direction with another shot
It was bright blue & tasted like a sheet of rusty metal,
but I downed another & found myself dancing to the beat
of the music that I would never listen to sober
because rap music has absolutely no meaning to me
Everyone was sweating & dancing against one another,
& the only person I knew when I got there was Jordan,
but he was no where to be seen, only strangers now
But were they really strangers anymore? They knew me
Maybe as that drunk high schooler, but they'll remember
me tomorrow when talking about how fun their night was
& what I thought was coming to an end, was only the beginning

A sinister crimson smile spreads across my lips,
thinking wicked thoughts while weapons I equip
My inky eyes narrow as I step into the street,
I have a dark night ahead & a hero to beat
I feel it's time for a new villain to grow,
one whose not afraid to watch the blood freely flow
I'm going to show them all whose really chief,
& never will I suffer any of their grief
I ask before I **** them, one last query,
"Why so serious?" I laugh viciously, their eyes get teary
Then as the blood pours from a fresh cut, I go insane,
merely a part of my psychopathic game
So here I am, carving smiles into their faces,
dicing their flesh into ribbons & laces
Waiting for the hero to try & save the day,
anticipating a new game for me to play
Because around here, you can't just be mediocre
They'll see, I'll show them, I am the Joker

I'm not sure when it started,
or why it is so strong
On the outside, I seem happy,
no one thinks anything's wrong
But on the inside I am dying,
screaming for someone to see
that the happy smile & carefree
laugh is not the real me
I've never been happy,
not that I can recall
Between the world & myself,
I've built up a wall
I don't know why I'm like this,
it makes no sense to me
I actually come from a very
close & loving family
But even they have no idea
of the hell that I endure
They think I'm happy & normal;
of this I am sure
I can't take it much longer,
I can't live like this
I want to feel truly happy,
that is my biggest wish
I need help, but who will help me?
Who could comprehend?
Is there anyone out there who
can help bring this to an end?
Or am I simply trapped,
a prisoner of despair?
Am I really all alone?
Is there no hope for me out there?

Another day of life by the drop,
I pray to the lord, help me stop
I awake in pain, feeling shame
knowing soon again, I'll play the game
For the brief second with myself,
before I walk over to that shelf
I stop & think of all the things I do,
& the people I hurt while drinking *****
I grip the bottle o' so tight,
I won't let go until the night
All these thoughts rush through my head,
loves & pride & things I once said
I know it's from the former me,
the one that can no longer be
It hits me hard, I cannot cope,
so drunk until I start to choke
Day to day, I live like this
High to high & kiss to kiss
I hope one day, the drunk will let me out
& never again will I drink & shout
Until that time, I'll drown & hate
I just hope that's not my final fate