I should silence
this troublesome whispering
inside my heart

I've already considered
the plain facts
of absence

Falling headlong
into its gorge
too soon

Not knowing who might
drown in their own eyes
night after night

It's not my wish to punish
or pain another soul
beyond my own.

Spent the afternoon
In bed
On my regular
Scheduled
Day off.

Kept dreaming
That people
Were trying to
**** me.

My folks
Are saying
I don't look good.

Maybe tomorrow
Will be better

i know
the idea of you
is pointless

nevertheless
today
i dream of you
like i tend to do

in that valley
where i left your kiss
hanging in the air

i could feel you waiting
for a change of heart in me

my heart never changed
it still beats with the same
ambiguous beats

i cannot remember
our night time talks
and forget our burned down silence

all the same i try

tingling agony
desperate for your gaze

i cannot shake you off

longing for your absence
to pass

when I began to write
poetry
all those years ago

I was amazed to find
that I even
had a voice.

It was a gift
that I never
hoped for.

I only shared light.

There is too much
darkness.

And then
little by little
I had to write
about the monsters
in the deep.

And my writing
got to be
unrecognizable.

Those couldn't be
my words.

Don't bury me
in a grave
in a big old box
I've known too much
darkness.

And so here I am
trying to balance
injury
with hope for a new future

That may be called
healing.