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6.2k · Oct 2016
inspired maybe
Emily B Oct 2016
Sometimes I wonder

if I even survived
my childhood.

Maybe some part of me
is sleeping
up on the hill.

One of those
Nightmares
That I couldn't escape
Carried me off
In its jaws

and so maybe
I am planted.
Looking down
At all the people
I can't remember.

I hope that I am ashes.
I never wanted a stone.
4.5k · Sep 2017
healing
Emily B Sep 2017
when I began to write
poetry
all those years ago

I was amazed to find
that I even
had a voice.

It was a gift
that I never
hoped for.

I only shared light.

There is too much
darkness.

And then
little by little
I had to write
about the monsters
in the deep.

And my writing
got to be
unrecognizable.

Those couldn't be
my words.

Don't bury me
in a grave
in a big old box
I've known too much
darkness.

And so here I am
trying to balance
injury
with hope for a new future

That may be called
healing.
2.3k · Oct 2016
roots
Emily B Oct 2016
We talk about roots
And I have some concept
Spent my summer
Digging up plants
And moving them
To other places.

I was the self-proclaimed
Smiling Creator

But my heart
Is at home
In the hills

I can breathe here
And it has always
Been so

Limestone
Is in my bones

The sound the hawk makes
Is my blues
This is not that pome
2.2k · May 2017
Icarus knew
Emily B May 2017
I was a poet, a healer and a woman
once
a dreamable woman
who got behind his eyes

I learned about flying
too

I still dream about flying

so ****** pragmatic these days

Afraid to write

Afraid to fly

He said my wings
really stoked the fire
once

And now I remember
why I am afraid to fly
a conversation of sorts
2.1k · Jul 2017
PTSD
Emily B Jul 2017
Some girls
Have butterflies
Beautiful winged elegance
Flying through their cerebrums

Me?

I've got old ghosts
That turn into whiskey drunk monsters
Saying
"I should put a bullet
In your brain".

I saw him yesterday.
Standing in front of me.
Blowing his brains out
Over and over.

A movie stuck on repeat
In my brain.

And some small part
Of me
Hopes he does it.
So he doesn't come after me
Anymore.

Maybe
The monster is me.
I don't know
2.1k · Mar 2016
adulting
Emily B Mar 2016
my mother worries
that there will be no one
by her bed
when she dies

she doesn't remember
that when i was a toddler
she put herself to bed
and made me her parent

she forgets that she used
those little hands to rub
her back--her head
until she felt better

these grown up hands
still wince
at the thought of touching
her skin

somehow i will have
to find a way to fulfill my
adult responsibilities
perhaps she still has

a day or two til then
more honest if it kills me
1.9k · Apr 2016
the problem with poets
Emily B Apr 2016
his words take my breath away
his stars are not my stars
and there are worlds in-between

so i come back and i sit
and trace all the letters
slow, slow

i let my heart wander
just far enough
to feel the mountain air

singing feels like flying
from the pines
on the mountain

his words take my breath away
and i don't mind much
1.9k · Mar 2016
Silence by Edgar Lee Masters
Emily B Mar 2016
Edgar Lee Masters. 1869–
  
Silence
  
  
I HAVE known the silence of the stars and of the sea,  
And the silence of the city when it pauses,  
And the silence of a man and a maid,  
And the silence for which music alone finds the word,  
And the silence of the woods before the winds of spring begin,          
And the silence of the sick  
When their eyes roam about the room.  
And I ask: For the depths  
Of what use is language?  
A beast of the field moans a few times  
When death takes its young.  
And we are voiceless in the presence of realities—  
We cannot speak.  
  
A curious boy asks an old soldier  
Sitting in front of the grocery store,  
"How did you lose your leg?"  
And the old soldier is struck with silence,  
Or his mind flies away  
Because he cannot concentrate it on Gettysburg.  
It comes back jocosely  
And he says, "A bear bit it off."  
And the boy wonders, while the old soldier  
Dumbly, feebly lives over  
The flashes of guns, the thunder of cannon,  
The shrieks of the slain,  
And himself lying on the ground,  
And the hospital surgeons, the knives,  
And the long days in bed.  
But if he could describe it all  
He would be an artist.  
But if he were an artist there would he deeper wounds  
Which he could not describe.  
  
There is the silence of a great hatred,  
And the silence of a great love,  
And the silence of a deep peace of mind,  
And the silence of an embittered friendship,  
There is the silence of a spiritual crisis,  
Through which your soul, exquisitely tortured,  
Comes with visions not to be uttered  
Into a realm of higher life.  
And the silence of the gods who understand each other without speech,  
There is the silence of defeat.  
There is the silence of those unjustly punished;  
And the silence of the dying whose hand  
Suddenly grips yours.  
There is the silence between father and son,  
When the father cannot explain his life,  
Even though he be misunderstood for it.  
  
There is the silence that comes between husband and wife.  
There is the silence of those who have failed;  
And the vast silence that covers  
Broken nations and vanquished leaders.  
There is the silence of Lincoln,  
Thinking of the poverty of his youth.  
And the silence of Napoleon  
After Waterloo.  
And the silence of Jeanne d'Arc  
Saying amid the flames, "Blesséd Jesus"—  
Revealing in two words all sorrow, all hope.  
And there is the silence of age,  
Too full of wisdom for the tongue to utter it  
In words intelligible to those who have not lived  
The great range of life.  
  
And there is the silence of the dead.  
If we who are in life cannot speak  
Of profound experiences,  
Why do you marvel that the dead  
Do not tell you of death?  
Their silence shall be interpreted  
As we approach them.
1.9k · Feb 2017
invisibility
Emily B Feb 2017
I've worked so hard
to blend into the woodwork
I knitted myself
an invisibility cloak
and I wear it
everywhere I go

because if they can't
see me
then they can't hurt me

one of these days
when my nightmares
stop killing me

maybe I will begin
to reappear again
1.9k · Apr 2016
Family Portrait
Emily B Apr 2016
If I could draw it -
but I was never an artist.
What a picture that would be -
my family.

And maybe if I could trace the lines
I could better understand
how I came to be--me.

But I can't separate the smells
and sounds
and touch of it,
pencils can only go so far.

And there are the scenes
that I can only imagine.
The ones that happened
decades before me.
I see my grandpa's smiling face.
I don't remember him
as a brawling drunk
terrorizing his family
after world war II.

Granny smelled like powder
and liked men
though she would never admit it.
She talked a lot
but I don't remember ever
hearing any thing worthwhile.

The one I can't name.
He hurt me in the dark.

Mom Glass, the bootlegger,
who took her grandaughters
on Sunday trips up the mountain
to buy moonshine.
She wore red underdrawers
and she didn't care who knew.

Mammaw, who gave me words.
Who didn't know I was a refugee
but always welcomed me warmly.
She taught me the beauty
of being earthy.
No prim or proper uppity
girls fishin in the creek.
That one brought tears.
I miss her smile.

There are so many faces.

Voices.

Memories.

All contributed something
to the poem
I haven't written yet.
"No beauty in a family poem at all;
a portrait's empty space is on the wall."
NaPoWriMo 2016 day 2 - a family poem. / This one will be a draft
1.8k · Jun 2017
my brother's keeper
Emily B Jun 2017
I tried, Lord,
I tried.

I protected him as often
and with what
little strength I had.

He punched me
in the stomach
when he thought
the neighbor wasn't watching.

And his eyes said
plain enough
that he could **** me
before mom got home
and I would barricade
myself in my room
til she pulled in the driveway
and act like every
thing was fine.

When dad died
he called the funeral home
and threatened
everybody.

I can't keep him anymore.
Even if
his blood cries to me
from the ground.
And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.

9 And the LORD said unto Cain, Where [is] Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: [Am] I my brother's keeper?

10 And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground.
Emily B Mar 2016
last night i dreamed a brown bear wandered in my room and grabbed something off the side table and just wandered out again

i assumed the kids had just got another pet

but then you said

I had not shaved in weeks, get very Grizzly like, and your door was unlocked, so?

so, maybe it was that old story
Goldilocks in reverse
but i don't think you were really after my porridge
playing
1.2k · Apr 2016
not a poem
Emily B Apr 2016
North Carolina poet, Jim Wayne Miller, on his goal in writing poetry. "Growing up in North Carolina, I was often amused, along with other natives, at tourists who fished the trout streams. The pools, so perfectly clear, had a deceptive depth. Fishermen unacquainted with them were forever stepping into what they thought was knee-deep water and going in up to their waists or even their armpits, sometimes being floated right off their feet. I try to make poems like those pools, so simple and clear their depth is deceiving. I want the writing to be so transparent that the reader forgets he is reading and is aware only that he is having an experience. He is suddenly plunged deeper than he expected and comes up shivering."
lofty goals
Emily B Dec 2015
she asks him
do you believe

in magic?

in ghosts?

in angels?


and he thinks
he does

he'd rather talk about
how soft she is
and how lonely
he's been

he doesn't understand
the magnetism
that draws him
toward her

he doesn't understand
the poetry
that happens
in confused conversations

he doesn't understand
walls

or conflict
that advances and withdraws
with no warning

he can't see her blue skies
and doesn't know
that they bring real tears
that fade when
the rain comes

these things almost never
end well

maybe she should have asked
do you believe in me?
1.1k · Feb 2017
false alarm
Emily B Feb 2017
sitting at mcdonald's
I clicked 'add poem'
and I thought about
all the words I have
today

impatience and anger
blue blues

I think I better go home
and clean the bath tub

no poeting today
1.1k · Feb 2016
ghosts of dead poets
Emily B Feb 2016
sometimes
i get a glimpse
of words i think i ought to know
from poets i used to read
way back when

i keep running
down dark alleys
chasing shadowy figures
and alluring words

where do the ghosts
of dead poets go
anyway?
draft
1.1k · Jan 2012
disconnected
Emily B Jan 2012
it was a slender thread
that connected you to me

not much of a lifeline
no matter how you look at it

a wish stacked on a dream

stacked on a hope

teetering on destiny

it sparkled slightly
in the sun
-this thread-

but it is gone now
and maybe you are homeless

and dis-connected

the world seems gray-er
and
less suited to poets
I miss you, Ziggy, wherever you are.
1.0k · Mar 2016
Stay Close, My Heart by Rumi
Emily B Mar 2016
STAY CLOSE, MY HEART -- RUMI

Stay close, my heart, to the one who knows your ways;
Come into the shade of the tree that allays has fresh flowers.
Don't stroll idly through the bazaar of the perfume-markers:
Stay in the shop of the sugar-seller.
If you don't find true balance, anyone can deceive you;
Anyone can trick out of a thing of straw,
And make you take it for gold
Don't squat with a bowl before every boiling ***;
In each *** on the fire you find very different things.
Not all sugarcanes have sugar, not all abysses a peak;
Not all eyes possess vision, not every sea is full of pearls.
O nightingale, with your voice of dark honey! Go on lamenting!
Only your drunken ecstasy can pierce the rock's hard heart!
Surrender yourself, and if you cannot be welcomes by the Friend,
Know that you are rebelling inwardly like a thread
That doesn't want to go through the needle's eye!
The awakened heart is a lamp; protect it by the him of your robe!
Hurry and get out of this wind, for the weather is bad.
And when you've left this storm, you will come to a fountain;
You'll find a Friend there who will always nourish your soul.
And with your soul always green, you'll grow into a tall tree
Flowering always with sweet light-fruit, whose growth is interior.

(translated by Andrew Harvey)
1.0k · Apr 2016
noteless
Emily B Apr 2016
my locker is cleaned out
i have
deleted the documents
on my desktop
my uniforms are washed
and waiting for
the next new employee
tomorrow will be another day
and i won't be here

it turns out
i am leaving
as noteless
as i came
989 · Dec 2016
merry christmas
Emily B Dec 2016
One of these days
When i clear myself
Of the wreckage
Heaped by my own personal
Hurricane
I will write some words
So pretty
That you won't notice
The devastation
All around me.

We'll light a candle
For peace on earth
Goodwill
Toward men.
948 · Dec 2015
the quilt
Emily B Dec 2015
On cold nights I seamed
pieces of fabric
left over
from dresses
and girls frocks
and shirts I made you.
Until the fabric squares
covered our bed.
After the stitches
are all complete,
the coverlet
that I
pieced from our lives
will bring comfort
to your soul
and warmth
on long, cold nights.
When I can't
wrap my arms
around you,
You'll still have
my heart
to keep you warm
Emily B Jul 2016
People ask how I am
Almost every day.
And I smile
I say I have been
A pretty good hermit.
They don't see the hundred hurts
That color every current
Interaction.
I have felt disrespected
And I can't
Seem to shake the bitterness.
It hangs on my shoulders
Til I go to bed
Way too early.
It whispers
From under the mattress
That I am the only one
Waiting apology.
The hawk has something to say
About the whole gawdawfull mess
But he talks in riddles
Around me
To the monsters
Hiding under my bed.
889 · Sep 2016
inspired
Emily B Sep 2016
If I were to write you a poem

I might appeal to your senses

Tastes and smells
That trigger comfort
And satiety

Images that make a man
Stand taller

There would have to be
A mountain
And some tall trees.

If I were to write you a poem

There would be a hand to hold
Shining eyes
And communication without words

One day soon
I will write it
880 · Jul 2016
public service
Emily B Jul 2016
Smart alecky tourists
All crack the same tired jokes
A thousand times a day.

And we are no saints.
Sometimes when the heat
Is elevated
And the humidity
Takes your breath
We forget to laugh.

One ******* on sunday
Asked If there would be
An indian attack
And I just looked at him.

Too stupid to give up
He asked if I would attack
Because I look like an Indian.

I smiled
As if to say bless your heart
And told him honestly
"Not usually on Sunday."

Knife and tomahawk
Are never far away
Though
Did you know they didn't have air conditioning or electric lights in the 18th century? Yeah, me too.
867 · Apr 2017
trying to write
Emily B Apr 2017
sitting at mcdonald's
on the free wifi
sipping sweet tea
and reading
all the offerings here

a cold chill
bent me over

and I thought of
the new cold war
that threatens to ignite

and somewhere
comes the idea
that someone
is walking on my grave

it could well be
863 · Mar 2016
giving notice
Emily B Mar 2016
my world changed today
and nobody has noticed
yet
i don't like change
don't deal well
with upheaval
with letting go

even when it is needed

but at least there are words
and time has a way
of erasing memories

a year from now
no one will even remember
i once filled a chair
during the night shift
being able to see that you fulfill a certain time and purpose doesn't make it any easier to accept when folks move on, i guess
845 · Aug 2017
just thinking
Emily B Aug 2017
But i need a day
To lay in bed
And twine toes with somebody
And stare at the ceiling

A day to talk
About nonsense
And be really heard

And laughter
I could use
Lots of that

I just need
A day

Or two or three
841 · Jul 2016
meditation
Emily B Jul 2016
Folks have been asking for years
About my meditation practices

I finally
Have an answer

Mammaw knew

Stirring milk gravy
In the cast iron skillet
Until it thickens
Just enough

There
is
Peace and understanding
840 · Aug 2016
storm weary
Emily B Aug 2016
I've been seeing
That old hawk
In some very strange places.

Feathers askew

Too tired
To fly above the storm

My messenger
Has something to say

But he is too weary
To spill it
Just now
833 · Dec 2015
what i ought to know
Emily B Dec 2015
I read once that Emily Dickinson had trouble learning to tell time, I can well
understand her reluctance. . .*
I am sometimes
embarrassed
at the way I linger
too long on yesterday's news
and the foolish way
I sing songs that drifted away long ago.
Conversations long dead
still swirl in my squirrely sub-conscious.
Someday, maybe,
when my favorite fashions
have come back in vogue again,
I will be on time
with what I ought to know.
829 · Feb 2017
pardon me
Emily B Feb 2017
My anger is showing.

The capitol is full
Of treason and misogyny.

Pressure is building.
Boiling hot lava
Could erupt.

And I'm just over here
Making lard and yarn.
Not necessarily in that order.

I guess it is a good thing
That i wasn't made
winged and fire-breathing.

Just trying really hard
Not to destroy
Anything
In my path.
827 · Apr 2016
clearing the path
Emily B Apr 2016
I went out this morning
to clear the cobwebs
off the walking path
though truth be told
it was too cold for spiders.
The plants and trees
were more or less
hospitable.
That one **** spit
seeds at me --
will have to remember
to learn his name later.
The pawpaw trees
are looking well.
I greeted all the ones
on my level.
The violets winked.
A woodpecker drummed.
There were no still waters--
but I swear,
He restoreth my soul.
825 · May 2017
Watching ants
Emily B May 2017
I've wiped the coffee table
Down with windex
At least three times.

But here I sit.

Watching them wander
Trying to remember
To breathe.

And waiting for details
Of my brother's suicide.
Truth is always stranger than fiction. And stranger describes my brother well.
822 · Jan 2016
small stitches
Emily B Jan 2016
i am finding my life
in small stitches
lately

mending the hem
on a pillowcase

darning the hole
in a sock

patching a hole
in well-worn sheets

i am finding my life
in small stitches
lately

until i have the energy
to make larger seams
813 · Apr 2017
the quilt
Emily B Apr 2017
one of my daughter's young friends
confided a blessed event last summer
I decided to make the bundle of joy
a quilt to keep forever

I cut the blocks out
in October

the baby made her appearance
in December
the blocks haven't sewed themselves
together yet

maybe soon
the family is traveling south
for the summer
an internship

hopefully I will be inspired
to do the sewing soon
I've decided to embroider some of the blocks with traits that will inspire: virtue, strength, dignity, wisdom, faith
804 · Jun 2016
legacy
Emily B Jun 2016
Bob is seventy four
And fighting cancer
Every day.

He's had us plant seeds
For four o'clocks
Twice now.

He told me confidentially
That he knows the flowers
Weren't here
In Boone's time

But his mother always
Had them

And maybe they are his legacy.

I found one
Of his wandering
Flowers in the garden bed
Yesterday.

And four more
In between
My sage and horseradish
Today

I dug them up
And carried them
Home.

I don't think
We could forget
Bob
Anytime soon.
789 · Dec 2015
Picking Blackberries
Emily B Dec 2015
When I was young, my grandmother would tell me stories
about her grandparents.
There were stories about the origins of the universe.
Legends that connected me to my world.
Embedded in the stories were admonitions to live a worthy life.
Sometimes, when I walk out with my daughter to pick berries,
I think about those lessons . . .

Mama, we have to pick all the blackberries so the bugs don't get any . . .

There's plenty of berries for you, me, and the beetles, baby girl.

I don't like the beetles. See that one?

Where? Oh, look how beautiful and shiny his wings are. . . the beetle respects us. We should respect the beetle.

What about the birds? Do we have to share with them?

Plenty of berries for them, too.

But, why, mama?

Because we are supposed to share with others. Don't eat so many, there won't be any left in the bucket.

I only eat the ones I pick . . .

Alright, girl.

Mama. . . ?

Yes?

Do you want to pick blackberries by yourself now?

Are you wanting to go and play? Go on, then, baby girl.
773 · Jan 2017
quick note
Emily B Jan 2017
this is not a poem

I have been absent

for days and weeks.

I have been cleaning
and sewing

and trying to quiet the anger
that I can't control
in light of this new America.

They say there will be a day
when federal monies
will be revoked from arts programs.

I suggest we start looking for ways
to protect the voices
the ones that are real and true
*and not alternative
768 · Sep 2016
recognition
Emily B Sep 2016
And sometimes
Just like that
I see
What I have been
Seeing

And
I understand
This path
I'm on

The darkness
Lifts
And the fog
Clears
Though
I don't mind
Either

And I see
Straight enough
To step
Forward
766 · Nov 2016
after the storm
Emily B Nov 2016
The hawk must be the only one.

I know he sees me -
He makes a sign.
A secret code
That siblings use
When speaking straight
Might ensnare.

I walk through worlds
With quiet steps.
But not too near
That any see
Or feel my breath
Or even guess.

Yes.

The hawk may be
The only one.

My wings are straight.
My wings are strong.
And one day soon
I'll fly to him.
733 · Jan 2016
creation
Emily B Jan 2016
I was a mythical creature once.

I lived in a small picturesque town
next to a little hole of blue water.

I sang the sweetest songs.

Mortal man never heard the like before.
They wandered by to listen very often.

They say my feathers fairly sparkled
and if the sun lived closer he might outshine me.

There was darkness that the feathers covered.
No one could tell what destruction lurked beneath.

But I lived to sing that song.
Morning, noon and night. I put my heart in it.
I never faltered, but once

and I looked in the placid lake to see my own reflection.
The monster that looked back at me grinned
at my surprise.
The darkness laughed out loud.

And I did nothing but climb that tall live oak.
As close as I could get to the sun
and I built my nest with twigs.

I lined it with bits of color, silken scraps
to echo my plumage.
And I lined it with sweet-smelling spices
cinnamon and lavender and myrrh.

And then I sang my best last song
'til the suns rays came too, too close.

I kept singing til my last breath was ash
until the day that I will begin again.
723 · Mar 2016
wonder
Emily B Mar 2016
Don't tell me how it works, sir,
I like to watch
And be amazed at the display.
The inner workings, wiring, switches,
all, are unnecessary details.
Miracles deflated.
Don't explain the rainbow,
or the sunshine,
or brain waves.
Child-like
in my comprehension
I want to smile
and clap my hands
at the wonder
of it all.
718 · Feb 2017
i can't breathe
Emily B Feb 2017
this morning

seems that was
the battle cry
for some movement
pushed out of our minds
by more insistent
and newer news

maybe it is the weather

maybe it is
some mid-life crisis
afflicting me
at the mcdonald's
while I use the free wifi

whatever it is

I will win
this battle too

just like
every other one
so far
717 · Feb 2016
stress
Emily B Feb 2016
under my blue polo
with the emergency logo
i think there is a hole
in my chest
but i am afraid to look

another deep breath
and another

send the ambulance
to the old lady
who has fallen

what if on further inspection
there really is a hole
in my chest
and i find that i am missing
that big cardiac muscle

i still remember
when he said i was
heartless
716 · Jun 2016
healing
Emily B Jun 2016
I keep planting
My hands in the dirt.
Keeping the weeds clear-
Making the garden grow.
Repeating the thought that
There is healing there
Maybe even for me.
I never wanted to be buried
Under ground.
I have already known
Too much darkness.
But there are days
When I have to wonder
If I planted this old set
Of creaking bones--
Would something more beautiful grow?
710 · Jan 2016
walking
Emily B Jan 2016
I wish you would take my hand
and walk away with me.
Conversations may float
from autumn branches
or we may find
that silence is sweeter.
There are wildflowers somewhere

   -waiting-
to wave in the wind.

There is a rock
high on the hill
where distant drums
still pray.

I want to take you there.
an old one
694 · Mar 2016
can you guess?
Emily B Mar 2016
Hello, fellow human mortal soul,
it is nice to find folks
who can converse
in the same foolish language
that I make.

being Muse makes me very happy

It is nice to find poets
who know all
my secret favorite words.

a lot can happen
to a person during times of
struggle/growth

there are still nightmares to decipher
and songs to sing

you keep me company
from way down there
in the garden of Eden
where you're all pine
and we're all cedar
i bet the rain even smells different,
where we're all limestone and you're clay

Yes, like I am -
I won't forget you.
691 · Apr 2016
worry
Emily B Apr 2016
i learned how
to diagnose myself
somewhere
along the way

trauma
dissociation
abuse
depression

so many words
to describe
who i may be

words i don't talk about

i worry about
drowning
in waters
no one can see
but me
i watched "The Fisher King" last night. It got me thinking.
684 · Aug 2017
my inner poet
Emily B Aug 2017
I keep my inner poet
Put away.
She is dangerous.
Doesn't understand her own power.
She thinks she can fly
And she'll make you believe
That you can, too.
But her wings are paper thin.
Too fragile for flight.

Her eyes shine too much
When the poetry is flowing.
I've seen the devastation
That can follow in her wake.

Grown men don't believe
In poetry.
Get lured in by siren songs.
Feel cheated
when the music ends.

I keep her put away
And hold my gaze on my hands
In the dirt.

We are safer that way.
681 · Feb 2016
do you ever feel unwanted?
Emily B Feb 2016
i don't know how long
it has been
since
i shut myself
off from the world
around me

i reinforced
old boundaries

closed the gates
to new acquaintances

stopped talking

i see myself
stepping away
from some old patterns
and people

only the pattern
is
me
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