I'm addicted. You've got me hooked. I'm addicted to your smile: the way you look into my eyes and see right through me, through all the lies and disguises. I'm addicted to your touch: how your body presses against me when we hug, or how your hands seem to wonder when we're alone, and the bittersweet taste of our goodbye kiss. I'm addicted to the high you set me off on. You make me feel like I'm on top of the world! Like you and I are the only people in the universe that matter. I smile on the darkest of days, why? Because of you. I have hope that I'll make it through these times, why? Because I have you. With anyone else our silence would be considered awkward and would be filled with meaningless small talk; but with you... It's simply perfect, because we understand each other. The silence, the noise, it's all the same. You know me better than anyone. You know what I'll say before it's said, you know my hopes, dreams, and fears. You make me high, and I can't get enough. You're more addictive than heroine, *******, or ****; and I don't want to stop.

I want you to want me, like I want you. I want you to need me, like I need you. I want to be the person you think about when you can't sleep at night, and when you first wake up in the morning. I want little things like a song, a commercial, or a piece of clothing to remind you of me. I want you to imagine us together. Imagine all the things we could be, do, and see. Together. Us. You and me. I want us to be more than just friends. I want us to be more than what we are or were. I want us to be the couple everyone looks at and is jealous of. I know we could be. I know we could be a power couple, constantly pushing each other to be better. I want to explore new things with you. Let's go on adventures, let's go get lost together. I want to build something so big, so pure, so real with you that it never really ends. I want you to want this. I want you to want me.

You were the one constant thing in my life. The one thing I could count on. That summer, I knew that no matter how awful my day had been, talking to you would always make it better. I could look forward to waking up every morning, because I knew you would have already told me "Good Morning Sunshine!". I was the first person you talked to in the morning, and the last you spoke with at night. You could always tell when I was irritated, sad, or mad...no mater how hard I tried to mask it. For the first time in my life, someone cared. The thing about it was though... I cared too.

Maybe not in the beginning, but as things progressed there was an undeniable connection. Every day all I could think about was you, small little things reminded me of you. I was falling for you. I didn't know it then, but I was. You seemed perfect. All it took was one summer: Three, short, sweet months. All day, everyday, caring a conversation without getting bored or annoyed, all I felt was calm, happy, anxious for what you'd say. One summer, then it all just...stopped.

I can't pinpoint why, how, or when the exact moment was that I noticed you growing distant. It might have been because of your job, my school, a girl. Who knows? All I know is that you suddenly had no more time for me. For our late night conversations, mid-day chats, or to remind me that I was what you thought of the very first thing in the morning.

Maybe it happened slowly; perhaps it was all at once.

It's been months since we last spoke. I woke up Sunday and for some reason all I thought of was you. You, you, you, you... I did the stupidest thing too... I re-connected with you. Ugh. I shouldn't have done that. At least now, I know what to expect. It was surprising though, you sounded like.. you actually missed me. It's impossible though, I know you don't. I know you do...

It was one summer, one love, one ending.

It hurts. I've found that the exit wounds never fully heal. They stand as a reminder of all the people who have left, are leaving or are going to leave. The pain never dies. The memories live on. Memories of a child, ripped for her family never able to see them again. Forced into a place of  total isolation; knowing no one. memories of the one and only friend you ever had, dying before your eyes, to save your life. Never given the chance to say goodbye.. Of the only person you have ever loved, telling you they love someone else... not knowing why or how or when, but they go. Yeah, it hurts.

I don't know if I'd call this.. this life, living. Yes, physically I am alive. My heart beats, my lungs take in oxygen. But I feel nothing. Walking amongst the crowds invisible to all; without purpose, without responsibility, without hope. No one sees the pain in my eye as a cry for help. It's just normal, regular, me. They tell me to "get over it", "move on", "find someone new", "it'll be okay"; but how? How can I? I have no idea where to begin. Day in and day out he is all I think about. It's almost repulsive really how obsessive I've become. It'd be different if I'd actually spoken to him, I suppose. I haven't said a word to him in over four months besides " Happy New Year", even then it was nothing special. This is pathetic. I am a pathetic. Why can't I just face reality? Accept the truth. In my heart, I know if I ever mattered, he would have reached out.