i’m living the live i always wanted to live
yet i feel so empty

*****, Tito’s?
Whatever you have is fine
Ginger beer
Garnished with lime
Copper mug

Copper
Taste of blood
Rushing to your head
Sharpening with every word I speak
A splitting headache
You always claim to have, when your

You’re
Upset

I want to commit.
You are my only happiness.

How I
let you down
Left and gone
And all I can think about is those two sentences that should never be spoken subsequently and the unwanted control I was given.

Because of You-
I belong among the wild flowers

One shot
Three shots, cheers
My head is spinning

Men-bloodshot eyes fester up my body
As if they try to climb into my skin, to live out the rest of their youth

I-saw a beautiful woman tonight
Mom I might be bisexual?
I-am maybe.

She was wearing black shorts and clogs.
Leather woven into itself
with wooden soles- companions

A boy
Loved my presence
Worth every minute

I wish he was between my thighs
My mother would disagree

A future with someone new maybe.

you still have time.
to Live.

Olive trees, north of Boston
Mute green buds,
maturing into flowers
Blanketed in frost

            Dipping my toes into the beginnings of      
                                                          mother­hood.

One sole tree and sharp shadows
Fruit the color of deep plum
crystalized in ice

                                    Decisions in motherhood.

In loving memory,
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon,

                                          A Daughters Eulogy

why is it so hard to love
what you hate

learn to love
what you hate.

It will always be me.

My chest tightened
Knees sweltered on these marble stairs
Dirt in grain-
Sweat in pores
Broken under the blazed sun
Fetal.

My body is pure
My mindset is corrupt
And together
Hand in hand
We become
Partners in Misery

beautiful boy
i know your weren’t the One
but i still miss you every day
i’m lucky i got to love someone like you
thank you

Stripped
you threw me into the Lions Den
and I tamed the Beasts

I have never been so sure of something  more
That I loved you
Upside down, inside out
Left to right
To never let you go a days unnoticed
Please don’t leave me behind

But I- pass you into new hands of youth
To bathe in your ponds of vitality
For the trees to feel the wind before you
To watch the swallows fetch feathers in the motion of draped garland

To learn to love this land as much as I have

My own, to yours

in a world that moves so fast
sometimes we need to slow down

Love is kind-
Don't let someone tamper
With those words

I may have out grown you
But my heart will always come back to you
I love you forever

I love you always

Lying under the plum tree
Buds, ripening like dew in April air
You make plum trees blossom
In the dead of winter
Vigor and bronze.

Apricots on my nightstand
Sun invading my sage linen sheets
My naked body, bare
Hands, against my olive skin
Rest your head on my shoulder
My promenade collarbones
Evoke in my femininity.

Now, you leave me
Broken under the blazing sun,
Feverish eyes and dilated pupils
You are,
Pit of the plum.
Fetal.

I laughed more tonight, than I have in awhile
Wholesome friends
And sweet,
Sweet laughter

no matter how lonely i become

i hope you know
i am never coming back

Mothers
Talking to daughters

Jaded voices,
Become subdue.

Eyes gazing
Daughter-
Stiffed black corduroy dress

Threading interwoven
Fagoting stitch
A bridge between two edges.
Seam.

All I could think about was you.
Intertwined with you
Soul to soul.

Silent.

I'm so scared
I won't find someone to love me
That I'm forgetting to love myself

i’m glad you left

I find you-
in everything i see

You lost
The one person
Who handed you her heart

You will never find a love like me again

I love when
The sea air
Dances with your hair

You are so beautiful

I hear
The frogs,
singing to their soul mates

Children playing on a hot summer’s day
Humid
And Ripe
Noise and laughter
Chaos!

Stillness
Children stop running.
Collapsing

Encapsulated
In the horrors of stillness
Able to see the cracks in the foundation
The raw truth

no matter how bad it hurts
i will give you my heart
over and
over and
over
again

Take a deep breath, my dear
It's not that serious-

It's only going to haunt you forever

Ask yourself
Are you in love
Or are you just lonely-

Craving for someone to love you

here we are
together

leaving you
set me free

finding you
let us fly

I only see
my worth
through the eyes
of men

the only wars
i create
are against myself

dance through
the hard times
i’ll dance with you

I want to love you all night,
and again
In the morning

your hands touch my body
and play me
like the beautiful song
with rhythm
and sweet words
i was always meant to be

To the girl next door,
who knew
I would love you forever

make love to me
under the rain

your soft skin
against mine

i love you eternally

relationships are like bridges.

don’t burn bridges
even if they are less traveled

don’t burn bridges
even if they have failed you

Rebuild the ones that were once traveled greatly
or
Let them become Overgrown
Let them become Vacant.

keep your Integrity.

I live in the past
but with you,
I feel present

I bend over
and every inch of my spine
Comes together
Holding a body
That can barley be supported

Let me tell you
I’m so ******* hungry
I’m so angry
I’m so ******* tired

i have watched the wild flowers
Grow
Grow
Grow
Grow
and bloom
just to start again

Love becomes blurry
When your lonely

i’m falling
for you

I pushed you too far
You pushed for me
But you wouldn’t let me go down that path any longer
I thought you failed me
You only did it out of love
I got sick
You were unable to fight it off
You weren't weak
You didn’t have another choice
You fainted
Hands that saw your true beauty that I couldn’t see caught you.
Dad caught you.
You became frail
You became pale
Doctors saw illness
Needles pricked in you
Tests were taken

But I saw beauty
That still needed “more” progress

I will not let myself go down that path again

Thank you
You taught me love
You taught me acceptance
You taught me that eating is a form of self respect
I want to grow with you

I love you

you asked me why didn’t we do this earlier

i’ve been loving you forever
and you never knew

until now

i’m so afraid
that letting you go
will be the biggest mistake of my life