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Nov 2013 · 1.0k
Appearances
Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013
Appearances
Lucky
Is what you are
So lucky your life
Seems happy and complete

You have three sets of grandparents
Your own mother and father are still married
You have two younger brothers
You've had so many boy friends
You seem so happy and normal
Your life seems so perfect

Reality is, my life is far from it

One pair if grandparents
Lives in the town over
Grandpa molested me
And grandma is still married to the SOB

Another pair in Illinois
Another right with them
Both love me with all their hearts
Both 2000 miles away

My mother had two husbands before my dad
One abused her and she was told kids
Were nothing but a big dream
And then she found my dad

That's when I came into the picture
They fight and argue
I use to wish they would just divorce already
But yes, things are better

I shouldn't be called a big sister
I am terrible
Always screaming and yelling
But my love for them is infinite
I just wish they knew it

One boy friend abused me
Others broke my heart
And secretly
I am dating a girl

I have so many brain issues
You want me to list them
Alphabetically
Or chronologically

My life isn't perfect but I try
You don't know the whole
You shouldn't judge anyone
On what you've heard from foreign ears

Same goes for me I guess
Continue reading...
Nov 2013 · 780
Emotions
Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013
Emotions
I made a bad choice
In mixing up my emotions again
The emotions that tell the difference
Between lovers and friends

I wasn't for sure at the start
But now I know I was dead wrong
Maybe you feel it too
How our emotions just aren't that strong

I should take a brake from
This game of date and kiss
My only issue is the
Kisses I'm going to miss

At this point I don't care who they're with
Or what they mean or what its for
I just need to hold and be held
A little bit more

Yes I sound like a ****
But at this point
If you've been what I've been through
You might understand
Continue reading...
Nov 2013 · 276
Friend or Not
Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013
Friend or Not
Yes I really like you
Yes, I would **** for a kiss
But I don't think think the feeling
Is mutual

I'm fine with just being your friend
Yes, it does ****
But yes
I do need you here

Friend or not
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 639
Rusty Rhymes That Are Sublime
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Rusty Rhymes That Are Sublime
I had no idea
Why we clicked
Snapped right into place
But we hit

And when we collided
My thoughts, memories
Feelings and pent up aggressions
Knocked out, jumbled my sentries

That were protecting the words
From escaping my lips
But I've set them free
Past my finger tips

Unto your hands
Your long fingers, cold
I hope that you keep my secrets
Till you are weary and old

My dear friend
Who I've burdened with so much trust
Please understand my words
Don't let my stories rust
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 388
Anything?
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Anything?
A feeling this strong
A lust and dream
This persistent Thought
In my head and heavy heart

Must be mutual
You must feel something
Anything?
Oh, okay, only my imagination
And high, irrational hopes again
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 244
Secret Sharing
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Secret Sharing
I'm confused
Because yes, she is sweet
And yes, my heart likes her
And my brain tells me I should

But today something happened

The only place I've slightly conveyed
My issues and my problems whole
Is this website here
This is my diary for strangers far and near

But today you got me talking
As we we're driving
You we're so inviting
I lent my secrets to you

Only time will tell
If this secret sharing
Was a mistake
Or the best choice yet
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 361
Making Friends
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Making Friends
I've just met you
But talking to you
Makes my heart flutter
And we're only on day two

Our conversations feel
Like they are crammed together
Making up for years
Of worn out life, like leather

Your voice hits me hard
Affects my vocal strands
Makes me stutter and fumble
Sweaty and cold hands

Being friends with someone
Who listens but doesn't pity
Who doesn't judge or make assumptions
Who likes me for me

Is a shock to the system
A feeling foreign to me
I hope our friendship can blossom and further
Turn into a wild tree

Maybe we can be
For than "just friends" some day
But for now, friendship is new and magical
I wouldn't have it any other way
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 1.3k
Bitch, Please
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
*****, Please
Just because I am attracted
To all and every gender
Does not mean I am attracted to
Every self identified male or female

***** please, you
Have no ***
No class
And plenty of sass

I like them feisty
But you take it to extremes
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 729
Love is Blind
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Love is Blind
No*
Me being pansexual
Has nothing to do with
Greed or confusion

It is simply me
And who I am
Making a statement
That shouldn't have to be made

Love is blind*
Not black or white
Not male or female
Or somebody in between

It is not simply a boy
And a girl
Love is universal
Love is everywhere

And if I still am having
To make this statement
And people still don't understand
I will keep making this statement

Till the world fully understand *love
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 738
Confusion
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Confusion
I believe in you God
Oh loving and powerful
But the Bible feels wrong
It feels shameful

I wouldn't say I'm atheist
Because I believe in the One
But I wouldn't say I'm Christian
Though I do believe in his son

I'm confused on where I stand
Or if I even do
But through all the confusion
I still believe in the one and only you
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 238
One to Twelve
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
One to Twelve
One and only one
All I need is one more
Red line of beauty on my skin
Then I'll be complete

I tell myself one
And one turns into four
Which turns into seven
Then we end with twelve

It helps and makes me heal
The cold metal caressing my skin
Almost a burn
And one turns into twelve
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
Like a Glove
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Like a Glove
Oh captain, captain
Have you looked around
We have a problem
I think we need to slow down

I've noticed how you
Don't show your gentle side
You keep it tight
Tucked neatly inside

Let's tug a little
At the loose ends popping out
Let's try to show the word
What you're really about

You might act tough
But truly you're dying to cry
Let your lies and demons out
All your past, traumatize

In the end you have
The raw being I love
You have my favorite person
Who fits me like a glove
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 897
I Can't
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
I Can't
Jealousy finds me
Easier than most

But I am loyal
To the very end

And I might have
Paranoia of you liking others

It's just that I don't want
To lose you

Yes, I don't show my
Jealousy or paranoia
I keep it on the inside
So to not upset you

I'm sorry for not always
Talking of my feelings
I just don't want to loose you
Because I'm crazy
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 808
Keep Me From My Razors
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Keep Me From My Razors
I don't need it
I don't need to
I'm grinning ear to ear
While she doesn't have a clue

That I need the cut
I need that slice
I am happy, I promise
but happy comes with a price

I'm craving the metal
Pressing into my skin
The cool of steel
The endorphins that win

I resist the urge
Just for one and one alone
Please don't leave me tonight
Or I'll dig to the bone
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 415
Universal
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Universal
Let's press the pause
And open your eyes
Look around the world
At the truth and the lies

You say I can't love
The one I want
Majority rules
You taunt

But world, you're changing
And judging love is less
In some countries loving the same ***
Means you're both blessed

I did not choose this
But now I don't mind
I would do it all over again
With her right behind

I tried to find the dream man
The one tv tells us is right
The one society says
Because it's all black and white

But I can testify
The world had shades of grey
She proves this to me
Every **** day

But grey is so bland
Let's be rainbow
Bright purple colors
We'll proudly show

Press the pause
Not the rewind
Don't you dare touch the stop
And back in motion you'll find

That love
Is universal
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 751
You Swing My Way
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
You Swing My Way
I can't help but
Let the tone of
My voice change
As I wink, with love

My eyes glimpse at
A beautiful person
And my heart flutters
The world spins, in motion

Your subtle curves
Long body, thin
Your long but precise fingers
Let rest your chin

You lean into me
And your smell is intoxicatingly sweet
Your smile fragile
Your body radiating heat

You swing my way
And I'll meet you half way there
As your body draws into me
I attempt to show I care

People may stare when
We hold hand in hand
I stopped caring a while ago
This is our land

So let's kiss in public like normal
Let's talk sweet and sentimental
Because a girl and a girl can love
More than the judgmental
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 462
Rant of Why
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Rant of Why
I hate you
No, hate is too kind
Despise is a better
Taste on the tongue

The chances of ever
Having a normal life
Were stripped from me
My peace of mind

I can't be with a person
In a romantic way
Like every one else
It is not the same

I just want to love
And be loved
But paranoia sets in
And it usually wins

What you have done
Didn't just hurt me
My brothers and mother
My father doesn't have a father

He hurts the worst of all
His own dad
******* up his family
And now we are all off kilter

I have three sets of grandparents
Six elders that are suppose to care
One went to jail for his crimes on me
The other two live in Illinois

Three sets of aunts and uncles
One didn't believe his confessions
One barely talks to us
The other... where is she again?

Our family is torn apart
Because you couldn't keep it
In your pants
You *******
I need to scream, because what has happened to me has torn up and ruined nearly everything.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 340
Replacements
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Replacements
Once butterflies
Now nausea
Once faith
Now doubt

I really thought
We could do it again
But I'm always wrong
I'm always the friend
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 243
Mixed Signals
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Mixed Signals
Either take me
Or leave me

But do not
Lead me on
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 5.7k
Perspective
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Perspective
Bipolar
Schitzo
Paranoia
Mania
Anxiety
PTSD
Depression

******
Liar
Dramatic
Never sits still
Makes a scene
Lives in her past
Needs to get over it

Beautiful
Unique
Quirky
Energetic
Caring
Wise
Helpful

You only know parts of me
Not the total
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 783
Ellynn's Path
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Ellynn's Path
Mark the day
In your calenders
Tell all of
Your many friends

Of the day Ellyn flew,
The beginning of the end

The end of the bullies
She threw out her fears
Ellyn cut out the negatives in life
The change drastic and severe

Ellyn decided that it's
The beginning of the end

She tore apart her monsters
Faced the voices in her head
She cleared out her closet
And checked under her bed

And by the time Ellyn was done
The end was quite near

The girl decided her past
Did not define her
And tomorrow is a new day
He mistakes would not recur

And now Ellyn is happy
And her new beginning glows
She faced down her demons
But there will still be cons and pros

Life is not a straight path
Obstacles you will face
But if your perspective is positive
Then you will find your place
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 232
Girl Who Cried
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Girl Who Cried
I am the
Girl who cries wolf

Except this time
Someone believes
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 664
Just Ask Already
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Just Ask Already
I just want us
To be together again
To hold hands
With my favorite friend

So just ask already
You know I'll say yes
What's holding you back
Is it just nerves and stress

Because I'm ready
I can tell you are too
So let's elope at the park
And start something new
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 1.5k
Up Dark Stairs, Black
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Up Dark Stairs, Black
Today we played a game
Except it wasn't fun at all
We climbed up some dark stairs
Where no one even cared

About where we were
Or knew where we were even at
There we played truth or dare
We laughed and we sat

But then the game turned
Down a serious trail
Where there are more dares than truths
Where one of us decided to bail

One fully naked
Me fully clothed
Two still half dressed
As we went deeper down this road

Half dressed boy
Started tugging at my shirt
A dare I had passed
Cause I knew it would hurt

Hurt my pride
My already scared mind
But you kept tugging and tugging
My stomach in a binde

You forced it over me
And started to force off my bra
Grabbed my *****, that's when fully naked girl
Looked into my eyes and saw

"I think were done
So you can now stop"
He tugged at my arms and bra some more
You could have heard the tears drop

So we stood up in silence
Gathered our clothes
Headed back down the dark stairs
And didn't speak another word
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 683
Monster
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Monster
Monster
Slowly takes over
Crippling her mind
Bends her backwards

It takes her
Winds her up like
A toy soldier
It whispers "I'll make her mine"

And she loves the
Feeling and craves the
Beast to drive her
And thrive within

She takes her dark
Creature and injects
Him into her blood stream
And that's how it begins

"I'll only try it once"
But Monster cackles and says
"Once I'm in you there
Is no going back"

Now she plays games
With Monster
Gambling with death
Her life out of wack

And Monster keeps her
In his jar
Feeds her ***
Starves her of love

She realizes Monster is
In control now
She is in too deep
To break free
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 351
Strength In Razors
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Strength In Razors
I
I don't
I don't need
To cut

Is what I whisper
Over and over again
To myself
Rocking in my bed

It's a comforting motion
With a comforting notion
But it doesn't seem to
Comfort me at all

I
I don't
I don't need
To slice down my thigh

Only you keep
Me going
Keep me from going
From leaving the planet

Thanks love
I don't know why you
Like my scary scattered brain
But I guess I shouldn't complain

I
I don't
I don't need
The razors right now

But I still succumb
No matter what I tell myself
I still fall down
To my knees

I
I still
I still need
To cut
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 525
Print and Publish
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Print and Publish
Why dont we put an
End to my sad story
Only a few cuts
Here and there

Watch as I write the words
With red ink
Now bind it up tightly
Not like anyone would care

But oh, no
I still am missing the ******
And oh, woah
Still some loose ends I need to attach

And Oh, I promise you now
As I head back into the dark
This is not a fairy tale
But a bang after my spark
It is more a King novel
Than a Snow White fantasy
So cut me up
Write me down
And take me out
To print and publish

Im bound up by leather
Oh what a tragedy
No one wants to hear
My sad sob story

And I find its easier
To pretend the people looking
Back at me are only
Judging me by my cover

And oh, no
Im still not at the finish line
And oh, woah
Still some loose ends I need to attach

As I head back into the dark, I promise
This is not a fairy tale
But a bang after the spark
It is more a King novel
Than a Snow White fantasy
So cut me up
Write me down
And take me out
To print and publish

Lets put me on the shelves!
Yet another song.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 271
Walk To Decide
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Walk To Decide
Tomorrow I promise
I will walk right over to you
I won't get nervous
And avoid what I need to do

I will tap your shoulder
And when you twist around
I will smile large
And I won't make a.sound

I'll let your mouth and eyes
Tell me what I need to know
I'm I'm clinging
On an imaginary string of hope

If I see what I need to see
I will work my way back
Into your heart
And life will be right and on track

Tomorrow I will walk up to you
And this walk will decide
If you're here to stay
Or if you're going to hide
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 242
I Made You Smile...
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
I Made You Smile...
While talking to you
You said I made you smile
Made you happy
Made your day

After these months I
Am elated I can
Still make your lips
Shift from their usual form
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 808
Awkward Quirks
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Awkward Quirks
Every body has
Their awkward quirks

I love yours
Because to me
They aren't awkward
At all

In fact I feel
At home
Cuddled up with you
In your bed
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 847
I Wish I Was a Phone
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
I Wish I Was a Phone
My phone flashes
Screaming it needs sleep
When I scream I don't get sleep
I receive ***** looks
And tempered screams back

I wish I was a phone
Someone would hold me every day
Someone would care if I was broken
I would talk to so many
I could see the world through a safe screen

Ohh how I wish
I was a phone
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 199
Left Alone With My Thoughts
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Left Alone With My Thoughts
I was left alone
And I thought too much

I shouldn't be left alone
Ever again
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 414
Explore the Neighbors
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Explore the Neighbors
I've thought about escaping
Not for long
Only for a night

And I want to travel
My neighborhood
And wander through their yards

I wish to sit in their back yards
And climb the big tree
In the front

To see what they dont see
And do see
All at the same time

I want to venture into their house
And sit on their couch
And analyze

I want to see
How others live and work
Because they are different

My family is different
Our home, different
Our attitudes change the house

Just one night
I want to escape
And explore

See what others have to deal with
And see it if is anything like
What I have to deal with too
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 490
Melancholy Memories
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Melancholy Memories
My future is heavy
Heart beat is steady
All the weight of the world
Rests heavy on my shoulders

As I take the mic
And inhale a steady breath
I feel my self shake
And start to quake

As I inhale
I think of life
All my failures
All my glories

Grandpa showing me more
Than his coin collection
And my cousin playing
Dangerous games

Past loves
Past friends
Now a memory
Only a memory

I exhale
And the words pour
In lyrics
A melody

And when I finish
I wake up
And smile
Because in my dream

I tried
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 725
Setting You Free
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
Setting You Free
I hold my head up high
For I'm to proud to cry
As I whisper our final good bye
The words you say full of lies

Your hand finds my face
And you pull me into your embrace
My hearts pounding like I've ran a race
Oh I try not to leave a single trace

Of sadness in my heart
As you turn away to start
Heading home, and drifting us apart
My head tries to dart

The bullet of emotions racing to me
I tell myself this is the way it's meant to be
I lean on this cherry tree
And feel myself be free
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 367
You Matter
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
You Matter
Even the glass
In the old windows
Will eventually break

Even the foundation
Of this building will crumble
Into a pile of clay and ash

And the pillars that
Reach so high now
Will only stand a few feet tall

So what is it all for?
What is the purpose
Why build when all things seem
To do is crumble

The experience
The memories
Legends and stories passed down

Generation to generation
Will hear of the pyramids
And temples in Greece

So if you ever think
Whats the point
No one will remember me

Remember that you helped

You helped build these stone walls
Pillars that stand tall
And broken windows shattered into small

You matter
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 614
I'm Sorry
Ellyn k Thaiden Oct 2013
I'm Sorry
Turn these scars
Into something beautiful
I am tired of staring
At the mess on my wrists

Take my hurt and
Kiss it all better
I bet if you tried you could twist
My scars into pictures and photographs

Cause this mess that I've made
Is a disaster of rage
The price that I've paid
Is too high to trade

And I am lost in the razors
That's I hold so dear
My safety will be
The death of me

And I'm sorry
For only being half of
What I used to be
And I'm sorry
For only being able to
Give what's left of me
And I'm sorry for all the
Mistakes that I've made
The thank you's I've not let free

I'm sorry
For being there
When I'm not
This is another song. Cried while writing it and I cry even harder when I sing it. Three four time, pretty melody and an even prettier piano and cello piece in my head that I can't seem to write.
I'm sorry for glazing over and I'm sorry for pretending. I'm sorry for the cuts and I'm sorry for slicing my heart away.
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 346
Who Will I Turn To?
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Who Will I Turn To?
A little bird said
You hate it when I complain
So I've kept quite for days
And nothing's been the same

I keep a quite tongue
Silent and locked up tight
I try not to whine to you
But I am lonely and scared at night

Repressed memories
Have made themselves clear
I usually speak to you of my troubles
Now you don't want them near

I rock myself in my bed
Afraid of what's to come
My only wish to tell you now
But my body is too numb

I promise I will not complain
To you any more
But who will I talk to now
When death is knocking at my door
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 331
Ramblings of a Schizophrenic
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Ramblings of a Schizophrenic
I cry often these days
Silently singing to keep
Away the bad thoughts

In the shower and
In my bed
Walking home when no one sees

I cry often these days
And I think
I think about suicide

And how it could solve
All my problems
Down to the last bone

But I'm too much of
A coward
        No, that's makes you strong

No, can't you see?
I'm crumbling and drying up
        I think your life is just about
             To begin
I'm fighting my inner demons and I'm afraid of who is going to win.
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 313
This Time Around
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
This Time Around
You only wanted my happiness
When I was in despair
I didn't see your struggle
Through my own selfish haze
And I'm sorry

I should have uncovered my eyes
And seen you were there
Arms out and trying to hold me
That's all you wanted
Was to hold me

But I put up a fight
Saying things were all right
I nearly lost my voice
By saying I'm fine
When I was not

I'm still not fine
And I didn't realize the comfort
That you gave until I told you to go
Now I talk less
And cut more

My life a mess
And my heart aches
All I want now
Is your embrace

But I'm not going to get
What I want this time

Am I?
I'm sorry, Levi.
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 313
I'm Sorry, But I'm Not
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
I'm Sorry, But I'm Not
He says he worries
And he whispers he cares
I tell I've bleed through my bandage
He says to stop there

I cannot stop
A flowing river
My will is weak
So I slice and shiver

His eyes meet mine
Guilt fills me up
And I tell myself I'm done
That's my last cut

But here we are again
In the same routine
With the same old razor
And the same ****** thing
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 332
Walls That Broke
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Walls That Broke
I have a problem
With keeping secrets
I never let one go
I know how to keep it

I hold on tight
Placing my blocks with care
Around my little secrets
I challenge people and dare

Dare them to climb over
The walls I've made
Around my secrets
In the walls I used to wade

But now I'm neck deep
In my walls
That's when you broke through
Like a wrecking ball

The dam broke
The secrets pour
You know almost every one
Except for one left on the floor

Leave that one there
Let it lie in mystery
My one last secret
And wonder what it could be
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 343
Keep Moving Forward
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Keep Moving Forward
A wise man once said
"Keep moving forward"
So that's what I'll do

I will look back
From time to time
My past made me

But I won't worry
About things
I can't change
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 4.3k
Hipster
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Hipster
"You're such a Hipster
You with your poetry
And indie music
And clothing so different"

I use to hate it
When you called me
A hipster
But now I can admit it

I wish you were here
To call me a hipster

Just one more time
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 391
One Hundred and Twenty One
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
One Hundred and Twenty One
One hundred and twenty
Poems published on this page
It is not my whole collection
But a majority of the rage

One hundred and twenty
Pieces of my art
Poured out onto my page
Each one my soul, all a different part

One hundred and twenty
Scattered pieces of my brain
I do not know where is begins
Or where the pieces will end

One hundred and twenty one
Poems on my page
It is not my complete collection
Still not a fraction of my rage
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 488
I Still Want You
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
I Still Want You
You, boy, have been
On my mind
My sanity lately
Has been difficult to find

Ive been wondering what
You do in your spare time
Are you thinking about me
No it's not a crime

To think about the past
And our past persons too
Because I've been thinking about you
And your point of view

I think about you holding me
And your lips touching mine
I think of the fire works we watched
The kisses stolen waiting in line

So do you still think of me
I still think of you

Please still think of me
I still want you
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Sep 2013 · 165
Oh I Wish I Could
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Oh I Wish I Could
I miss you more
Than I thought I would

It's not healthy
And I know I should

Forget you and move on
Oh I wish I could
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 641
Its Been a Long Day
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Its Been a Long Day
It's been a long day
I whisper and sigh
Every moment full of anxiety
Full of me wanting to cry

I tell people I'm fine
I hand them my lies
Nearly perfected the art
Of my disguise

I'm over wheeled
By normal teen events
But some not so normal
Some are more permanent

Like the scars on the skin
My emotional trauma within
The past we don't talk about
A taboo of sins

It's been canned and pressurized
Packed tightly inside
All the secrets I hold
All the secrets I hide

There is a storm raging
All around my mind
The calm is on the outside
The storm harder to find
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Sep 2013 · 648
My Dream of Suicide
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
My Dream of Suicide
I had a dream
The other night
And by the end
All I saw was white

It was a appoctalyptic world
Many years after a war
World War Four
Is what I knew

And I felt a force
Slip into my dream
Making reality a myth
And tear at the seams

Every where I looked
Poeple were paranoid and afraid
They pretended like it was not real
That it might just leave or fade

But the evil force stayed
It grew strong and brave
It told me I must **** myself
If my dear ones I were to save

My father was the one
To hand me a razor blade
He said I must slit my throught
For every sin I had made

So I started slicing the skin
But I realized it would never end
There are too many sins Ive commited
So I choked on my blood and the razor I did bend

I awoke seeing white
And air couldnt grace my lungs quick enough
I cried for ten minutes
Because to me it was real and tough

Dont let dreams take over
Your life and your mind
They might seem fun at first
But whatch them and mind
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 335
Can We Let Go?
Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013
Can We Let Go?
There is nothing left
For us to say
So how about just a kiss
And then we can let go?

You go left
And I right
Different paths
One dark, another light

Our eyes betray
How much we will miss
Being together, we thought forever
In eternal bliss

But I succumbed
To any thought
Of our futures intertwining and binding
I left those memories to rot

There is nothing left
For us to say
So how about just a kiss
And then we can let go?
Continue reading...
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