You're the reason
I return to earth
The reason I come home
Because my love

You are my home

You're the reason I write
Fill my papers with ink
The reason I touch pen to parchment
Because my love

You are my muse

You're the reason I dream
Nights filled with you
Wrapped up tight in bed
Because my love

You are my reality

Youre the reason for reasons
Without you there would be none
You make it so easy to forget
Because my love

You are my reason for reasons

I hear it
Drip
        Drip
               Drip
As it runs
    D
O
   W
N

My finger tips

It
F
    A
          L
                L
                     S

To the hard
Wood floors
And slips
In be tween
The
C r a c k s

And I am
Okay with that

So let the blood
Drip
         Drip
                 Drip
Straight
   D
O
   W
N

The finger tips

"Simply dont"
Says my mother
But she does not grasp
That I am nearly 17

And "dont" is not
In my vocabulary

Sorry

Unfair is the world
Unjust are the poeple
There is not much I can do about it
So let us pout

And cry tears
And write angst filled poetry
About how unfair
And unjust
The world is

Underneath the Poet Tree


Come and rest awhile with me,


And watch the way the word-web weaves


Between the shady story leaves.


The branches of the Poet Tree


Reach from the mountains to the sea.


So come and dream, or come and climb--


Just don't get hit by falling rhymes.

I'm going to throw a party
Reserved for one alone
I don't need my friends anyway
They're cruel down to the bone

I ponder the world
Such a messed up place
Filled with foolish people
With torn up grace

The world is cruel
And stripes you of hope
Your faith and sanity
Clinging on by a thinning piece of rope

But this little boy
Though foolish he may be
His hope stronger than others
For our humanity

He looks at the world
With untainted eyes
Looking at each new day
As a new surprise

His smile is wide and white
His eyes dark and knowing
This boy keeps me sane while
I question why I'm living

I have a crush
On this little boy
He likes to call me
Little girl who's coy

He knows I am shy
But brings me out of my shell
Walls I have built
But they now crumble and fall

At his touch
At his voice
I spill my secrets and doubts
This time by a strong minded choice

So little boy
Who gives me a reason
I'm glad to have you here

If only for a season

You sometimes forget my age
That I am only sixteen
You whisper words and tell me things
That you dont always mean

You see me older than I am
Because my soul is old
You tell me all your worries
Of how your heart has grown cold

But when you dont tell me
What is on your mind
I feel hurt and my curiosity peaks
My fingers twist and bind

I can tell something
Picks at your head
Something you wont tell me this time
Something filled with dread

I feel betrayed and sad
But I shouldnt be
You are my mother and I the daughter
Its not you its me

Parties with friends
Hot dates with boys out late
Staying up till midnight
The homework I would hate

High school is not quite
What imagined as a child
Since I've left middle school
My life has gone wild

The last two years
Have been hectic and flown by fast
Relationships and secrets
Things I thought would last

The last two years
Have flown by fast
Memories and people
I thought I had left in the past

The last two years
Have flown by
I wave at the history
And I ask why

The last two years

I am a woman
Feet flying through the air
I fly through the universe
But I really don't go no where

And I tried to tell you
My time would come soon
You didn't let me explain
So I'm hanging by a noose

My regrets are little
And my memories swim
As I'm about to hang around
Till someone else comes and cuts me down

Hot fires out in the woods
Or on our little island, green
Food fights and fist fights
I acted like they don't mean a thing

You think about those little things
While they tie your knot
When they slip that rope around your neck
And wait for you to rot

But that's okay, my love
For I have no regrets
I'm ready to face death head on
I'm not loosing any bets today

A grim smile plays across my face
As I am not afraid to fly
The crooked grin is there because
I'm quite ready to die

Happiness hides under the bed
Where I dropped it one day
As I collapsed down on the mattress
Reading your text at the end of the day

"It's not you it's me
I can hardly breathe
But we need to part ways"
Is what he says

I cried and cried
My happiness lost
Under my bed it sits
Getting moldy and rots

Today I decided
You would affect me no more
I am trying to really get over you, boy
I'm trying to mend the heart you tore

While cleaning out my life
Of friends and family I don't need
Today I looked under my bed
My happiness was there and it pleads

"I know he hurt you
But you need me more than him
Please leave your thoughts behind
For your lost happiness has dimmed"

I picked it up and looked it over
It was changed from years of loneliness
I shake my head and tired it appears
Cracked and dry from weariness

My happiness is not the same
It is anerexic and mad
Not whole anymore
Not the same as it had

So I set my happiness down
And shoved it back under the bed
I will find a new happiness
To use instead

I waited at our park today
Four you said you would be there
I sat at our bench and read a book
Besides me, that bench was bare

I read and read
Pushed away reality
As I waited for you to fill in the space
Side by side with me

You never showed up at our park
I waited there for you till it was dark
Till all the lights had gone out
And the moon was hanging high
As I was hangin low

I looked around me to only find
An empty field of grass left behind
I knew that you were a no show at ten
I picked myself up from my spot
And left my friendship on the bench again

Every one is asking
Too much from me

Mom wants perfect hair
Grades and me to wear dresses

Dad wanted a boy
He wants me to have more motivation

The brothers wish for a better sister
A normal sister they will never get

Peers want my friendship and guidance
I want peace and quite

Close friends want me to have all the answers
And not to ask any of my own

Even hello poetry asks
To add another

I want to do what I want to do
For myself and myself only

I start now

Lets throw it away
For a night
Only one

The differences and struggles
The anger and the fights
Just so we can sleep in peace

One night only
Is all I ask
But you cannot even give that

I know she's
In the bathroom stall
Letting the magic dust
Work it's way to her dreams
And she comes out
Her laugh airy

Her windows meet mine
And she halts
Her smile fades
Her laugh stops
And she sniffs the dust and snot
Back into her happy place

I take a step towards her
Eyes wet
With knowing
And she takes a step back
And collapses
Against the concrete

She sits and let's her sadness
Drip down her nose
Her eyes
And her mouth
Speaks of her past in one blurr
Stuttering

I don't even know her
But comfort her I do
And I take
The white dust
In the bag from her hand
And toss it down the toilet

I whisper it's done
All gone
And that she needed to pull herself together
And leave
She whips out her cell
Phones for a woman on the other side

And I leave the bathroom
Thinking maybe something broke tonight

We tell ourselves
It won't hurt

We promise ourselves
We won't cry

What a crock
Of *******
*******

I've begun it
The distancing process
You say you won't leave
But well wait and see

That wait won't be long
Before I'm left all alone
In our park
When it's dark outside

My love, you'll find someone prettier
Smarter, with the body
Way out of your league
As I sit here wondering where we went wrong

If I distance myself from you
Maybe it won't hurt that bad
It will be easier for the both of us
You won't feel hurt at all

Because you'll have her
While you hate me
For distancing us
Loosing all those secrets and trust

It needs to be done
To save us both

But as I write this
I miss you already

18 seems so close
But so far away
It doesn't arrive quick enough
Here I don't want to stay

I screamed at him
That I hate him
That he has lost all my respect
All trust has been trimed

He shrugged because
He doesn't care
He thinks I'm just angry
He doesn't know my heart is bare

Where that trust used to be
I never fully respected or loved my father
But now he has lost what little he had
Of his depressed daughter

He screamed back at me
Fine get away from me then
So I went, screaming, stomping away
With the thought of I hate men

He doesn't realize
His actions impacted me bigger
Than he thought
I just want to pull the trigger

My body pillow
Isn't you

My diary
Doesn't talk back

My razor blades
Hurt me in a different way

And my heart
Isn't the same

Screams of laughter
Fill my ghetto block
That's our nick name anyways
Because every door and window we lock

When the night comes
We secure the our house
For fear of people just walking in
Or someone getting out

We keep safe
Because on the street
There are quite some odd
People you will meet

A man with grey hairs
Asked me for my digits
He wanted me to ******* for him
I told him where he could stick it

The house three doors down
Has barred windows and large doors
A women's shelter it is
To stop the domestic wars

The neighbor kid hides in fear
In his closet deep
For fear his daddy with his gun
Might return to collect his keep

A flock of foster kids
Lives right behind us too
One is confused and misses his mom
Jail time for what she didn't do

A child molester lives two roads down
And he is a level three
We avoid him and have caution
All the kids leave him be

Police sirens wail often
Every once in a while a startling shot
I hear dogs bark and cats hiss
A woman ran over in a parking lot

Gang wars and turf wars
A crack house four blocks down
But for people who just drive by
It might not seem too bad a place to be around

We make the best with what we've got
We have a few neighbors who look after us
We try to be as normal as we can
But normal is something we cannot trust

Of our three cities
Our area is called The Ghetto
We don't earn our name for no reason
It's because of the creepy pedos

I cry as I write
Because a passion builds
A frustration in my mind
And my head chills

*******.
For making me love you
Making me feel
The way I do

The ache in my heart
The salt water in my eyes
The screams of frustration
The scares I try to hide

I thought I was over you
I thought we could be friends
But the mention of her name
Puts me on edge

You don't talk to me for days
But you go on dates with her
We use to stay up all night together
But now my nights are painful blurs

I just want to be loved
If not by you
Then at least someone who might treat me right
Who might hold me at night

Who will care for me
And not break my heart every other week
Who won't cheat or use me
Make me feel empty and bleak

But my single issue
With finding someone else
Is having to deal with the fact that
They simply aren't you

I hear you praise her
Again and again of her beauty
You speak softly to me
The list of things you have in common
And I smile

You talk about her hair
Her short but built body
The girl's perfect frame
And perfect smile
And I nod

But what ever happened to us?
The midnight calls
Late night texts
The warmth we shared in bed?
And I cry

Because once you have her
Once she finally becomes yours
What's already dwindled away
Into a dry trickle of a stream of understanding
Will become nothing

I will mean nothing to you
I almost mean nothing now
As you stay up late with her
And I lay in bed clutching a pillow
Wishing it was you

I dont wanna waste my
Breathe on things I'm trying to
Forget my past is troubled and
Behind me....
And take your weary soul to
Bed, these voices in my
Head are reminding me of
My faults

I always thought when I was with
You the sky would open
Up and thered be something
New I sometimes like to dream that if I close my eyes I'd see
You

But the bed is growing
Cold and my hands search for
Your sweaty skin, and
Instead I hear the door click
Behind you and it begins

So I cry
I cry out for you
I lay in the bed
Thoughts filled with dread as
Your footsteps echo on the linoleum
And I cry again

I dare not move in hopes
I'll hear your feet smacking the
Hard cold floor again
Sprinting back into my arms
In this lifeless bed
Where our lifeless dreams lay with

We had high hopes
And now we're only
Sinking
Into our mess we have made

You said something
To a friend of mine
You thought thy wouldn't tell
You were so wrong

"No wonder she is with a girl now
She did a terrible job
At ******* My ****"
Really boy?

You shared something personnel
Something that should not have been shared
How would your girl friend feel about this?
You have been with her for a while

Well, she knows now
But not truly
Guess you didn't think I had ears or a brain
Wrong

You are so wrong

I bet I could fly
If I willed my body enough
That means I could escape from here
But life would be tough

In a dream I had
I had feathered wings of snow
I kept trying to take off
Every time my stomach sank low

You know that feeling your middle endures
When falling back to land
Or when on a roller coaster
With your face in your hands

When I took off
My stomach felt this way
I felt the drop in real life
Though I thought the feeling in my dreams would stay

Pain when stabbed
Is as real as it gets
Kissing a girl
Ties me in knots

I thought the emotions
And physical elements of it all
Would stay in my dreams
But they won't at all

I wake up scared
Alone and in pain
Because my dreams are real to me
My mind is not sane

I don't want to sleep
For fear of the after math
What use to be my escape
Is now the scariest Path

My body whispers
To my head now
It is time for shut eye
If the head will allow

My head says no politely
It would rather stay up all night
Thinking of every mistake I have made
Every foolish fight

Or how life is so short
And we are only gifted with so little
Our body grows old and our souls tired
The bones ache and become brittle

All unfair events
That are out of our hands
Plays though my head
And my heart does not understand

I stay awake and cry at night
Because my brain puts up a fight
With my body out of spite
Because my brain tells everyone 'it's alright'

Nothing is right
My life feels out of control
I feel like I am having a midlife crises
Though I am only sixteen years old

After my brain battles my body
Over control of the dark
It is worn and weathered
With it's several marks

The brain whispers back
'I am done for a few days
You may sleep for now'
It says in a craze

So I can now sleep
Because my brain is worn down
Though the cycle with soon repeat
Everything is alright for now

If you're having male problems
I feel bad for ya ***
I've got 99 problems
But a **** ain't one

I've not a care in the world
Not change in my pocket
My house is a wreck
Left my keys in my car after I locked it

Got a dad who screams
And a mom who fights
Have a friend who's pregnant
And a dog that bites

But what I don't got
To deal with at night
Is a man begging me please
And grabbing me tight

If you're having male problems
I feel bad for ya ***
I've got 99 problems
But a **** ain't one

****** and Energetic
Entagled and Entrapped
Eexplosive and Emergencies  
Extremes and Erased

From itself in a sea

On satin sheets we stretch
And tangled our bodies lay
Our thoughts confused and disconnected
No words we need to say

Your soft hands search for me
But I still feel jaded and wronged
So I curl away from you
In the bed where I no longer belong

My feet hit the ice cold floor
And I sigh as I stand
My hand reaches for the door
On my own command

You turn in your bed
And whisper come back
Your hand palm up and out
This time not in attack

My body sore
And my mind weak
I turn and walk back
Feeble, unable to speak

Though my feet bring me to you
Next time may differ
Maybe next time I will be stronger
Maybe next time I will be bigger

But until the time comes
Until I can stand on my own
Fear controls me
Til my last moan

I dont wanna waste my
Breathe on things I'm trying to
forget my past is troubled and
behind me
And take your weary soul to
Bed, these voices in my
Head are reminding me of
My faults

I always thought when I was with
You the sky would open
Up and thered be something
New I sometimes like to dream that if
I close my eyes I'd see
You

But the bed is growing
Cold and my hands search for
Your sweaty skin, and
Instead I hear the door click
Behind you and it begins

So I cry
I cry out for you
I lay in the bed
Thoughts filled with dread

I always thought when I was with
You the sky would open
Up and thered be something
New I sometimes like to dream that if
I close my eyes I'd see
You

Life is not the same, no
Not anymore and I
Play with my hair as my heart quickens
As you shut that door

I thought I saw you
I thought I saw you
I thought I saw you
The other day

Pit in my stomach
As you try
To get me to hop over the fence
Try to get me to fly

In more ways then one
You tell me to fly
I said no because of a gut feeling
To flying so high

You scream and yell
Your actions are cruel
What's even worse is
You don't expect a reaction

You in your own little world
If you are not happy
Neither are we
That's how it's always been

This is how it will always be

You are that happy memory
That lingers in my head
Us two at the ocean
Intertwined in the bed

But sadly now I toss and turn
Searching through the sheets
For a love we once had
Sorrow took it and reaped

I talked of you today
I let my thoughts go where
Words flying through the air

I had to stop
Forced by my throat as it tightened
The moment quite and still

It was that moment it slapped me
Two years and talking of you brings pain
My mind is still not sane

My friend looked at me
And could see the anguish in my eyes
As I tried not to cry, tears stinging

If I had a time turner
I would twist it till my fingers numb
Just to see us teens happy and dumb

Dolls and Damns
Drunkards and Drifts
Dimples and Darkess
Dank and Dreamy

I am trying to set free

You tried to catch me
In mid fall
I contimplated stopping you
You insisted to lend a hand

My heart stolen by another
So you slipped into the darkness
You ran many miles, my dear
Just so you could steal it back

But once you found my heart
In a box it was kept
Beating slowly, hypnotically
Dying, starvation grasping it tightly

You rushed back to me, my dear
Heavy breathes fell past your lips
You prayed to God I would still be alive
You found an empy shell of a woman instead

My heart crumbled in your hands
As you stared into my eyes
That day I whispered no you you, my dear
The words cascaded from my mouth

I cant love you, I am broken
I cant be mended, though youre hopin'
My body weak, soul chokin'
Im sorry, my dear, I cant be loved

You took my heart, crumbled may be
Compressed it tightly in your hands, you see
It formed its shape, as it should be
You breathed life back in it
You saved me

*My dear

You are my conscience
Whispering the rules of life
But you poisen my head
No I wont listen

Anymore

You say you know whats best
But clearly you still have tribulations
Tiny daggers peircing my esophagus
Keeping me from telling the truth

Not anymore

Will I let you cover my mouth
Bound and gag my own words
I will let them drip out
The way they were meant to

Anymore

And I might stop breathing
Instead I hold onto dear thoughts
They keep me living
Through your pain
Your selfishness inflicting lies

Not Anymore

Will I let you control
My allies are mine
My whimpers were hushed by
The screaming of your lies

No not anymore