I was sad before
But now I am depressed
And it dines on me
Slow some days, fast others

I was terribly, deeply sad before
Especially when I was alone
But I still smiled and
I still continued to feel

But now I am numb
And suicide is a constant companion
Lingering over me
Waiting for me to grab her hand and run

But I am at a stand still
A battle within myself
I am trying to decide whether to run
Or to stand tall and anchor myself to the soil

I cannot seem to stay clean
Days will pass since my last encounter
Then it starts all over again
And I feel guilty

Because I am worthless
And almost all my friends have left me
Disgusting, terrible, fat, nasty, pathetic
All branded on my body for the world to see

I feel numb
I feel alone
Tired and depressed
But no matter how I feel

I will still whisper
Steady "okay"'s and "I'm fine"'s
Cover my arms and legs
Hide away from the world because

I don't want you to worry

I am so alone
And I shouldn't be
For when I am left alone
Memories swirl and the
Past rises from the grave
The blade calls to me and
Anxiety hits me like a brick wall

Death is so tempting when I
Am alone, left to ponder
How quickly it will be
Long and painful
Short, like falling asleep
I don't know
And I hate not knowing

I hate being lonely

Before I let them
Rip open the earth and
Stick me under just
To sew it back up
I want to fly

I want to loose my breathe
With the wind and
Close my eyes, to be at peace
For three fragile seconds
I want the wind to slip through
My hair and my make up to
Be ruined
I want to smile and be
Happy for three seconds

Before I come crashing down
And land on solid ground
Reality will hit
My body will just be a body
No me inside
But before I let this world take me
I want to be free and live
For the first time
Right before I die

The date is blurred out numbers
Running through my head
But I remember she caught my eye
And my stomach then felt like lead

Hair a ***** blonde and
Hazel eyes occupied by
Her own thoughts racing
Little did I know her thoughts said "die"

Later I would hear from peers
That she was a walking cry for attention
She sat silently with bruises on her thighs
But it was the self harming they forgot to mention

I watched her every day walk
In and out of class
Sit in the same seat
With a different book each time she'd pass

The girl would pull back
Her bangs from her view
And study her frail pages
Each word to her new

The day I had decided to
Ask her out to a date
Was the day her desk sat empty
I thought maybe she was late

But several days passed without
An appearance from the teen
I figured she was sick or had moved
Without having been seen

Magically eighteen days later
She settles into the chair
Girl looks up and smiles at me
And I am suddenly aware

She tried to leave the town
Leave the state and country
She tried to leave the planet
On a spaceship to see

The planets and stars
Meteors flying by
The rings of Saturn
She tried to fly so high

But was grounded from her mission
The abort button was hit
Now the girl is back with me
And in her chair she sits

She flew away into the sun
But the wax wings melted her hope

I watched what the world did to him
Leaving scares on his skin
As he tried to be whole again
With all these pieces missing of him

And laying on the bed with
Tears in his eyes
He watched the ceiling fan go round
Letting escape a heavy sigh

He walked through the arch of his door way
And went straight to the bathroom drawers
There he pulled out the razors
Ready to take away more

I watched the world rip him apart
Into unrecognizable shreds
Scaring him on the inside
Letting his outside become slowly dead

Each slice rips away
A little more of your soul
And you don't see it happening
Till it's cost a deathly toll

I watched the world take him away
Not a care in their head
Until my precious him
Was in a coffin, dead