Hazel the eyes which
Stare at me
Asking me questions
Without mumbling a word
Keeping quite across the room
But the intensity still travels to me

Asking questions about
My history and what
Else might trouble me
But questions can be troublesome
And answers just as unclear
So keep sitting and staring at me

But my eyes are staying shut
Right along with my mouth

I've lost the ones I hold dear
To the other crowds around
The *** smokers and chain smokers
The cheer leaders and class clowns

All the cool kids in the street
Basically everyone that you could possibly meet
Except me, I sit here lonely
Only called upon to be used as a seat

I'm walked on and trashed on
And I don't really blame them anyways
For I am disgusting and weak
Having see my better days

So good bye my so called friends friends
I hope you find what you're looking for
While I sit here and wait patiently
For new friends to walk in the door

But there won't be any new friends
That's the punchline, you see
I don't expect you to understand it
Because that "I" was once "We"

That's okay
I don't like me either

High school will be
The best four years
Of your short
History

But they are wrong
To state these lies
To fill our head with hopes
Just to let them die

It is more like four years
Of mandatory Hell
In small little rooms
With small windows
Where you are told to
Sit and stay
Behave and be quite
Don't speak your mind
Tolerate your peers
Do as we say with no questions asked
Grades are everything
Forget your social life
Your happiness
Mental health and
Well being
It will not matter

High school is beyond
Describable
For I cannot put torment
Into words, it is undefinable

Of course you've left
I don't blame you
Because who could love a girl
Who does not love herself
What man could just stand by
And watch her slowly die
Take razors to her skin
And fight a loosing battle within

Of course you don't want to
Be around for my own demise
I'm only a ticking time bomb
Watching the world pass
Me by while I do nothing
But sit in a puddle of my own self loathing
Who would want to stick around for that

No one would
No one can love a girl
Who doesn't love herself
Due to the voices in her head
Placed there by years of torture and
Genetics, not by choice but
Only by force
Of course you wouldn't love me

Who could love a girl
Who doesn't even love herself?

The answer is obviously
No one

Running around from boy to
Boy, the occasional female or two
Just to try to fix myself
To not see what is true

Forcing myself to kiss
To not shy away from touch
But I know I cannot keep
Away from reality's clutch

"So what if you like girls
I think that is okay"
But you don't hate to live
With it every single day

You don't have to be paranoid
About the glances shot your way
You don't have to live with
Trying to keep feelings at bay

And the one girl I know
That I have fallen for
Does not deserve someone like me
Someone with all these doors

Closed tight and locked
With the key thrown in the hay stack
I am a terrible human being
Who does not deserve to be loved back