I love how you have branded
Me with the words
Beautiful, gorgeous,
Smart, funny

While others have been staining
Different flavors on my coffee table like
Ugly, dumb,
Clingy, overwhelming

You see past the flaws
And the flaws you do see
You turn into my quirks
And that they're just apart of me

You don't try to morph me
Mold me like clay
You accept me as a fine piece of
Art still being painted

So thank you
For sticking around
Through the ups and
Through my downs

Your jacket I kept today
And now I'm swaddled in
Your smell and the vastness of it

Laying in my bed I
Engulf you, take in the perfume
Of your natural body

And it feels like you're right here
Curled up next to me and
All around me

I am swallowed by you
While I cry and wish with my
Heavy heart that you were really here

I invited my friend over
To keep from killing myself
I wish I didn't even ask
Because I now feel trapped

The urge to cut too strong
The will to die to great
I am trying to crawl out of the hole
But it feels like Depression gnaws at my feet

It bites at the nails on my toes
And wraps the tongue around the ankle
It's claws tug at my waist
The aroma of death clings to me

And I'm trying to keep my head
Above the abyss of sadness
But I'm so tempted just to
Let myself sink in

To allow my body to relax
And let depression drag me down
My muscles are sore from holding on
My body is scared beyond
recognition

It feels like a long way
Down to the bottom
But I bet if I let is slit my wrists
I would feel the relief I crave

So monster monster
Hiding in my head
Come out now, come out
It's time for me to be dead

Are you sad, my dear?
Because it's quit clear
That your mask that you made
Out of tears and ash

Is starting to peel away
And your heart is starting to pay
The hefty price of pain
From casting your heart

Are you tired, my dear?
It's near the end of the year
It's been a long time
Since you've had good rest

You whisper you're just tired
But we know that you're wired
In a different way
Where tired means dead inside

Are you done, my dear?
With shedding your tears
And sliceing and burning yourself
And not being happy with your reflection

Because I'm done too
Salty tears are too true
Maybe it's time to pop the pills
And take a trip right down the hill

No I'm not
I'm not okay
See through my lies
Through my strong facade, disguise

"I'm tired or bored"
"No I'm just thinking"
I am so tired
And I am thinking

Of terrible thoughts
Of nasty words
My world is spinning
And the depression is winning

My hand shakes as I
Add another cut
To my thigh, where no one
Can see how I'm just done

Done with life
With the so called friends
I'm done putting on a face
So I don't leave a residue, any trace

Of sticky, sour sadness
Anywhere near your happiness
I'm done saying I'm okay
That it's just the left overs of a long day

I'm tired of lies spilling so easily
From my tainted mouth
I'm tired of breathing
And weeping

I'm tired of being lonely
Of nights spent crying in bed
I'm tired of every one believing
Of me so easily deceiving

I'm tired of cutting
But I just can't ******* stop
I'm tired of a lot of things
And what life has next to dish up

So yes
"Oh I'm just tired"
Tired of living

I deactivated my Facebook
Deactivated is such a strange word
More like I left because I was tired of seeing
Every one talking to one another

Every one discussing weekend plans
Of past, present, and soon to come
Of their fun family trips
And I'm sitting here

Lonely and uninvited
Crying my eyes out
Wishing for a friend
Hoping to be liked

Jealous? Definitely.
My two best friends don't talk
To me, but they talk to their
Facebook walls and other people

They hang out with others
Others but me
I'm not saying they can't have
Their own set of friends

I just feel cheated because
Whenever they need me I try to
Always show up and
Pat their backs and wipe tears

But in a time where I need
My friends the most
They've vanished for what seems like forever
Abandoned me

I just don't want to be alone
Can't be alone
When I am suicide pops up
And the cutting starts again

So please friends don't
Leave me alone

While other kids laughed
And played their days away
I spent mine hiding in a shell
Building my walls, made of

The tears I cried
The ash of dreams I once dreamt
My own bones for the structure inside
And the blood which flowed freely

While other kids slept
I cried my night's away
And made myself physically sick by
Crying too much

At a young age I thought of
The world and the agony we
Are forced through
Because I'd been through it myself

While other kids didn't worry
About the financial situation their
Parents were in
At age five I was

I didn't mention the class shirts
Or the fields trips as much as I should
And I worries about Christmas
And how to pay the rent instead

While other kids enjoyed their youth
I was too busy focusing on the future
And trying to grow up
That I didn't savor my childhood

I'm still young but not
Young enough to truly enjoy
The days on the play ground
Or the birthday parties with the clowns

Now I'm big and I still worry
Nothing has changed
And I feel more alone
Than I ever have