Ellyn k Thaiden

Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013

I don't know how to say
That the other day
I almost put the bullet
Into the left side of my brain

I didn't break it off because the
Connection wasn't there anymore
The reason was because I love you
And I didn't want you to hurt

Unfinished business
Is ugly and painful
I wanted you to be free
Before I flee into darkness

But at five am on Saturday
I decided to not

Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013

Let's Read

I want to open you up
Flip through your pages
And cover you with kisses

I want to read the Braille
Of freckles
And touch your paper white skin

And after I'm done
Reading your body
You can read mine too

Though I'm sure
My pages won't have the interesting
Story that yours holds

Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013

Just Another Crack

Dropped and left behind
Shattered too many times
I've delt with lost love before
What's another trip around the block

When you are full of breaks
Your mirror is so splintered
With reflections of you
Different pieces lost

There comes a point when
You look at the shattered pieces
And you take another risk
Anther hit

And you whisper to yourself
As your reflection stares back
"What's another crack
In an already broken mirror"

You were just another crack
In my already broken mirror
The difference this time is
You sprayed the glass farther than I can reach

Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013

Birthday

It's my birthday today
And I'm all alone
And there's nothing worthy to be shown

I don't look any different
And today the weather is cold
And my heart feels worn down and sold

Sold out to many I don't see anymore
Rusty and rubbed raw
An abundant of negative things it saw

Nobody cares, today doesn't affect the mass population
My mother cried though
Because she's afraid to let go

She birthed me 17 years ago
48 hours of hard labor
The mid wife didn't do her any favors

They almost killed me, I almost died
To think I might not be here
Might not be alive

It's my birthday today
And I'm all alone
And there's nothing worthy to be shown

Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013

Melancholy Lullaby

I'm standing by
The ocean sea, blue
My toes loosing their warmth
Waiting for you

My lips turned down
Not a smile to be seen
My finger nails purple
Cries shatter the silence in between

I know you're not returning my love
But I can still wait and pray
Five days later
I'm thinking of taking my life away

A week and a half
The water so calm and at a lull
Maybe it could comfort me
If I didn't know it had eaten you whole

Three months pass me by
They whisper to me of my cries
The inhuman sounds I make at night
A melancholy lullaby

I promise to wait for you my dear
To sit patiently by the water side
To wait for your return
For the waves to let ride

Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013

Appearances

Lucky
Is what you are
So lucky your life
Seems happy and complete

You have three sets of grandparents
Your own mother and father are still married
You have two younger brothers
You've had so many boy friends
You seem so happy and normal
Your life seems so perfect

Reality is, my life is far from it

One pair if grandparents
Lives in the town over
Grandpa molested me
And grandma is still married to the SOB

Another pair in Illinois
Another right with them
Both love me with all their hearts
Both 2000 miles away

My mother had two husbands before my dad
One abused her and she was told kids
Were nothing but a big dream
And then she found my dad

That's when I came into the picture
They fight and argue
I use to wish they would just divorce already
But yes, things are better

I shouldn't be called a big sister
I am terrible
Always screaming and yelling
But my love for them is infinite
I just wish they knew it

One boy friend abused me
Others broke my heart
And secretly
I am dating a girl

I have so many brain issues
You want me to list them
Alphabetically
Or chronologically

My life isn't perfect but I try
You don't know the whole
You shouldn't judge anyone
On what you've heard from foreign ears

Same goes for me I guess

Ellyn k Thaiden Nov 2013

Emotions

I made a bad choice
In mixing up my emotions again
The emotions that tell the difference
Between lovers and friends

I wasn't for sure at the start
But now I know I was dead wrong
Maybe you feel it too
How our emotions just aren't that strong

I should take a brake from
This game of date and kiss
My only issue is the
Kisses I'm going to miss

At this point I don't care who they're with
Or what they mean or what its for
I just need to hold and be held
A little bit more

Yes I sound like a ****
But at this point
If you've been what I've been through
You might understand