Dear Eddie,
        The best
and worst
thing that ever happened to me
was you dying in that car crash.
It taught me that
life doesn't last
and
that the past
is
the
past,

Your friend and brother,

Dan

He fell into his 20 somethings
with less grace than a stage dive
and about as much planning

I drove 100 miles per hour
down the expressway
just to make it to his bed,
before he got inside his own head
several times a week for
seven years straight

But something about this
time looked unsalvagable
as he came flailing,
wrecklessly
over head

I guess I found the courage
to step away
and let gravity
pull his weight

Well,
I sat on his front porch
this morning with a coffee between
my hands and my legs crossed,
hoping desperately
he wouldn't ask me
if he was going to be okay
cause I know that in some ways
he needs me to believe in him
but I was always bad at pretending
when my mom drug me to church
at age six
and not a whole lot
has changed since then

my fire for you is sweet like
melted sugar and i
love that
and it's like kissing a shooting star that's about to **** you and it's
like holding a blue candle in your hands and realizing
you're so pale that the wax turns the color of the sky the day you
told me you wanted to be friends.
i want you to draw a city sky on my kite string arms and a road
of evergreens on my telephone wire hips.
i've never told you this... i never
wanted you, but i always needed you, and that's why i think i love you.
something whispers in my ear when
your fingers wisp through my hair that tells
me to laugh in your face when you tell me
you love me back.

it's like a smack in the soul saying
WAKE THE **** UP

and then i do, and you still love me...



even then.

He
Would like this poem
Its short and clean and simple
Nothing frilly or bright or extravagant

He
Is the reason for so many smiles

He
Protects me like a taco on a cold hard floor

He
Encourages me and eats pasta with me

He
Judges tattoos, analyzes photographs, listens to my qualms

He
Shows me skateboarding

He
Is wonderful

He
Is taken

I
Have no idea what to do.

i took the metal out of my face
but i couldnt carve the art out of my skin

i took the words and swallowed them
but i couldnt stop the thoughts from
strengthening

i lit a cigarette
but never smoked it
you said
you can take the
tobacco out of your
hands but not
the tar from your lungs

i looked in the mirror
so filled with regret
i felt it spilling out
of my pores
pulled the covers
over my face for days
woke up
and was the same

welllll,
nothing good ever
stays
but
i have a headache
that won't *******
go away