In this pencil, crouch words that have never been spoken
As I lay the lead to this paper all the shame of me wanting you to like me slowly comes out, letting me write about how I have this terrible love that I hate, and it’s all for you.
I have let harm be my drug, picking my poison from yellow little bottles to numb my self of this pain
pain
pain is what I get when I see you but ******* see through me
these words are flowing out of me, this shaming is surfacing and all I wanna do is scratch it off, scratch away the feeling of this love this hate this shame this agony of loving the one who will never love me back or hear how much i love her
She won’t know about the nights I laid awake wishing for her
But then I think about the night I kissed you, I see now how wrong I was, I loved you so much I could bear being so close you so far, and words would have never been able to begin explaining how much I loved you
I had seen your eyes gleam and I had hoped it was a gleam of hope but looking back I can see your eyes we’re filled with disgust
I had loved you, and I still have a yearning in my heart to walk you to class
Kiss you in the halls so everyone knows your mine and I’m yours
I want to be overwhelmingly cliché and scream my love for you from the rooftops
But this shame is bubbling up reminding my that my head is in the clouds and I need to get my feet on the ground
This love is coming up to my mouth and I need to find a way to clamp it
shut so I won’t speak words you’ll never accept
But these are just words in a pencil, and they float
These are just words
Hiding in a pencil
But they will be spoken