I'm covered up in layers of the other peoples' skin
And I am losing track of just how deep I've gotten in
To you it sounds absurd because you cannot comprehend
That hid among the living are the ones who will pretend
See, they can take a day and manipulate with ease
The shining of the sun and the coming of the breeze
For they will place their shadow over that which isn't theirs
And try their best to claim that the truth is everywhere
The eyes inside my head are the ones that follow suit
I'm looking into everything and I'm pining over fruit
It's only when I fail to remember what I've seen
That I can take a second to uncover all of me
I know this very well but it's hard for me to grasp
My vision fully blooms in the things that I see past

Wrote this a while ago

As I'm here lying wide awake under soft light sheets
Thoughts of you keep me from peacefully falling into a slumber trance
Relaxing myself just to ease the pain and far gone memories
Aching bones, weakened heart, soggy brown eyes, butterflies stomach
Worry I may lay here with thoughts of you until sunrise
Missing the closeness, lost without it
No breaking this sorrow secret
As I let my eyes shut, pictures of you and I reveal themselves
So intimidate so wonderful
Yet painful, not subtle
Just wished you knew how much you meant to me, how many days i hear your name inside my mind
And long for another beginning
Full Of loud laughter and joy, Care and sharing our dreams, Whispers and trust
New Friendship between a close knit old wounded past
You and I
No strings attached, just a hello and short goodbye
Catch up and casual chat
We're missing out on each other
I'm missing you

If only I could find the strength
To dismember my thoughts,
If only I could shun the smell
Of the sweet forget-me-nots.

If only I could convince myself
That you were not the best
If only I could calm my mind
And get my heart to rest.

If only I could begin to stop
Wondering what you see
Wondering what you think about
When you look at me.

If only I could shred the love
That for years and years I bore
If only my war with you would end
For I can fight no more.

If only we were still in love
Said things before we dare
If only you would hold my hand
And told me you were there.

If only I could see someone
And see them as they are
And not think how closely they feel
Like you, nor how much far.

If only I could smile awhile
And make the gloom depart
If only, since I weep and weep
Could you mend my broken heart.

If only I was good enough
To leave behind the bad
If only I could tell apart
What is and what I had.

If only I were brave enough
To not believe your lie
If only I could close my eyes
And let your memory die.

As your hand grips the headboard
and mine grasps the wrinkled sheets
I wonder what this is
One night stands are supposed to be straight-forward
We are not in a relationship
But if I spent all year trying to get you
And all night having you
What do I do in the morning, when I have simply had you
I no longer know how to speak with you
I know there were no strings attached
How do I casually let you know it would be fine if you ever wanted to do it again?
I promise not to get emotionally attached
We never have to be sober around each other
We can take shots in your bed again
I just wanna watch you take your bow-tie off again, I could help
Something about you makes me want more
I promise it's not emotional
I can **** without it meaning anything just like you do
It can be purely physical

I almost wish one of us had left after
You asked me if you could stay, but it was your bed anyway
I asked you if I could stay, but you never answered
You should have answered, you should have told me to get out
Who the hell cuddles after a one night stand?
I barely know you, but you read my body like braille
Whispering drunken secrets after
You don't get to teach me how to shift from screams to whispers so effortlessly and decide you only want it once
Just one more time before you leave
I swear I won't get emotionally attached

On a bench in a park I sat alone
to watch the sun go down
and as I watched
the girl with the braided hair
sat next to me
I taught her about life
she lived where shadows roamed free
in a house on a field
with harboured secrets
silently, assuredly,
she mouths out to me
touching my hand
living the life I left behind
the girl with the braided hair
talked with me
I distract her from life
she pranced around in white mary-janes
in a blue gingham dress
with too-mature worry
sweetly, cautiously
she laughs with me
brushing my hair
living a life she wished to live
the girl with the braided hair
watched the sunset with me
creating her own life
where no shadows dared to roam
in a castle by the sea
with fairies, and light
sadly, wishfully,
she rests her head on me
dreaming her life away and I realise
the girl with the braided hair
is me

I'm hopeless
-ly
hopeful
that this
will
last
longer
than
my
last
forever

because
infinity
has never seemed
so enjoyable
and
I
have
never known
the unknown
to be
a
desirable
destination

I'm hopeless
-ly
hopeful
that someone
will
hold
my
hand
because
I
can't see
with all these
stars
in
my
eyes

And blind has never been better

I am happy.

Finally, happy.

But sometimes, when the wind blows in just right and you can smell that hint of clean before the storm,
Or on quiet nights alone when the house is still and I lie curled under my cool sheets waiting for sleep,

The memory of what you were to me creeps inside and grips my heart.

When I’m blanketed in silence and the slight pressure in my ears is enough,
Or when the telling of another’s grief leaves me feeling heavy, knotted and small,
and then I realize it’s because I know.
I know that we have matching pieces of dark in us, them and me, and they recognize each other.

I am happy.

But to live is longing both to never forget, and never remember. Because forgetting means that piece of your soul and that fragment of your life were never really important, and remembering is proving that it was important enough to break you.

Finally happy.

But sometimes, when my heart beats and I can hear the sound of my own breath, I’m haunted by everything we were, and will never be.

And I remind myself again to forget.