I have the feeling
Of not knowing how to express
Any of what’s going on

But do I even know what I feel?

I have the feeling
Of letting go some big chunks
all of them belonging to the past

But can I even be sure they are gone for good?

I have the feeling
Of complete numbness at times
Completely overwhelmed by all and nothing

But isn’t numbness a feeling too?

I have the feeling
Of new things approaching me
In the sense of change in character

But does that mean this is who I want to be?

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

Keep me away from higher truths
Let me cope with mundane ones
Or reveal to me the highest truth