i remember your tiny bedroom
all of its glory
guitars on the floor
***** glasses on the nightstand
warm red cream soda
my mouth was dry
but you didn’t mind

the things that seemed so big back then

now seem so small

will i feel the same

in another 10 years

i liked life much better when all i had to worry about was
what was for lunch and spelling tests

things were so much easier then so much calmer
but flowers can’t grow without some change and rainy weather

were you made to taste like
the sunny november mornings of 2009
not a cloud in the sky
no tears in my bright, young eyes

were you put here to remind me
of the times when things were simpler
wake up, go to school, color some pictures
then go to bed, wiggling loose teeth until i doze off

i look down at myself
eyes bigger than my stomach
still i feel disgusting
in this skin

seven years of torture
almost will be eight
will i let these
disgusting thoughts win

i think about the time
when my thighs were pure
not a scar or stretch mark
on the skin

now i look at them and
things have really changed
you can tell
ive been suffering again

but why does my worth
have to come from
the percent of perfection
of my skin

why does my worth
have to come from
only the body
that i’m in

i am confused
because i just can’t
sleep

i stay awake
until my paranoia wins
and then some

it’s funny

in some twisted, ironic way

the food you brought up

you pray goes down