When it gets to be too much
When the ache in one’s chest becomes a pounding throb
And every breath becomes a chore of monumental effort
Remember that life goes on
That life wont be as hard
And pain from disappointment & regret will eventually pass

Anger
Is a powerful
Destructive
Wild
And irrepressible
Beast
Threatening to destroy

Temper
Is a blood-thirsty hound
Leaping
And snapping
Lunging at everything
That reminds it
Of Anger
Threatening to get away

Thoughts
Are little imps
Sly
And cheeky
Manipulative
That populate the little village
In your mind
They create illusions
And images
That pester you
Incessantly

Selfishness
And
Kindness
Are the lion and the unicorn
Fighting over the
Crown
To rule
Your actions
Or Thoughts

Jealousy
Is that sour
Whiny
Voice
Niggling you
At the back of your head
It spreads its propaganda
Through your Thoughts
And they start
To turn
Against each other
Starting a
War

With all these
Monsters
Running through
Your mind
It’s a wonder
At how you can still manage to keep
Your sanity
At times

Or at least
Look like
It

The lips that seal,
seep no dirt.
The eyes that shut,
see no hurt.
The ears turned out,
hear no lies.
The hands laced back,
feel no flies.
The nose turned up,
smells no muck.
The fingers crossed,
avoid back luck.
The mind kept mute,
sleeps in bed.
What is left,
might as well be dead.

you smell like rain*
i blush.
i have left my raincoat.

and you like tar*
a cigarette always within reach.

She told me I'm pretty,
Enough so to be on tv.
I couldn't help but laugh at that;
It felt good to know what she sees,
But it doesn't mean a thing.
Easy to see she's just a lying ***,
So why should I trust what she says?
She just knows what she needs to show
To get me weak,
To get me to stay,
To try to build me up,
So she can break me away.
I don't even know her like that,
And no way I want her to stick around.
But it was still nice to hear her say it,
Not used to that kind of sound.
So I can pretend that she was honest,
And that it wasn't just some lie,
But it's hard to fool myself,
So why even try?

Am I
Lost again?                        
                                                                uncertain
In my own world
    Splashing in puddles.                    
                                                  happily

While dancing in these tempestuous fields of my life I am now aware that
                                          I am not lost
                                                                **I am found

I am
      just a
               lovable ghost.

This name I get called by my host.
Here one minuet...
                                  gone the next,
   Though
                          I never came,
                          and never I left.

For my "Big Brother".*
Love Always, *****.

You said it was adorable
The way my hair curled
around the hollows of my neck
Brushing across my skin
like a
n o o s e

You said my looks could shatter glass,
that my repugnant features
would SURELY guarantee a life of solitude
You loved to point out my flaws
And how my laugh was too late
breathing too loud
walking too fast

The shallow scars on my wrists
were alluring to you
you encouraged me to make more
and I loved the kiss of cold metal just a little too much
and
you
loved
that
I
loved
it.

You said you understood me
my thoughts were dark and scattered
I wasn't always able to share them with you
But I didn't need to
you already
"u n d e r s t o o d"

my dark companion
the only one I ever trusted
We fought our demons together
Dragging the other to hell as well

You wasted no time in telling me
what a waste I was
of skin
of space
and I wasted no time in  b e l i e v i n g  you

You would hold me in your arms
and whisper bittersweet nothings
compliments with a hard slap attached
convincing me I was far more flawed than I am.

We fought like rabid wolves
growling,
hissing,
howling,
circling,
nipping at my ankles,
you'd force me to f a l l.

tearing and ripping apart flesh
with words
and my feeble palms
left angry red marks on your chest and face
but my struggle only made you more eager

Every tear that fell from my face
gave you life
every sob that came from my throat
gave you a voice
you could not stand alone
you said
y o u  c o u l d   n o t   l i v e   w i t h o u t   m e

You said I didn't understand you
that I could never comprehend the torment YOU
were experiencing
I was FAR too dull to see.

It wasn't until I realized
I didn't need to play your childish games
I didn't need you
or your "passionate, intense" heart.

Once I stopped hitting back
your blows became harder

Not worthy of love.

Not worthy of life.

Not worthy of existence.

And I believed you.
I trusted you.

E n d   i t,
you said.
Peering down at the street far below us

You said to.

The height was dizzying

Y o u   s a i d
"Jump."