July 14, 2002
everything indelibly inked
in my memory
  our love of  two decades
gone
in the blink of an eye
your light extinguished
all that was  
ceased to be
innocence lost
someone wanted you dead
stacks of  information
racks of paperwork
 sad faces
phone calls
nights  in a puddle of tears  
sleeping in the bed we shared
weren't you  just here ?
where are you  now?
can you see our anguish?
our fight to survive
while going through the motions
my mind repeating your  name  
over and over again
as if those were the magic words
to bring you back to  this life
so empty and yet so full
mind numbing pain
consumed
my every waking moment
filled the corners of my body
with stark  grief
then  scattered to bits
and
dumped
into an abyss
of
undeniable pain

home
was where his heart
intertwined with mine
the cruel  flick of a  wrist
made sure
I will  never go
home
again

Rummage
through Christmas decorations
headed for the garage

forced  order  
onto random bits  and bobs
a long forgotten bag
yields a wrapped bar
of motel soap
at the very bottom
who's very existence
spins me in a split second
backwards
to  all those days and nights
of our tragedy

How did I ever survive this thing?
Have I yet?

it offers  me no real answers

just continues
to look crisply unused

and wildly
out of place

I saw the bottom
of the kitchen sink
today
sleek  and shiny
no remnants of  past meals
or baked delights
everything tucked away and clean
my surprised face
reflected around  the shiny  drain
every once in a blue moon
it’s a good thing to see  
even if only
a  few scant moments
before  another  meal
is conceived.