There I slouched,
hand barely supporting my head,
gazing wistfully at the sunshine, a midst study of the intercepts of ****** circles and lines.
Her condescending baby voice, wafted through the classroom like a stale stench.
Then you,
yes you,
starting pressing the calculator buttons so hard for one moment I thought you'd break it.
I pressed my hand lightly on yours and you met my gaze for a moment,
so in my supposedly light bulb epiphany,
I asked you for a spare pencil.
Your eyes lit up like my terrible idea,
and trouble was being spelled in your flecks of gold.
So, your hand reached in and very slowly lay
pencil,
after pencil,
until it covered the space between us on the gratified desk.
"Fourteen pencils and you can have them all" you said,
before that patronizing  squint swung in our direction
And the shouting began.

little girl, little girl, why do you cry?
you're only three; it shouldn't be hard
mommy & daddy just need a break
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where's your smile?
you're nine years old; you should be
happy & enjoying childhood
mommy & new daddy are just having another disagreement
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you hide?
you're ten years old; you shouldn't be afraid of him
new daddy is just grabbing a drink
he wont hurt you when he's sober
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you run?
you're eleven, you should stand up for yourself
new daddy didn't mean to hit you or your mom, it was just an accident
& daddy didn't mean to ruin your life
it just seemed to happen after
he took you away forever
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you speak?
you're twelve years old; you should have a say about who you are
daddy & new mommy are just
"disciplining you", don't take the insults personal, darling
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you understand?
you're thirteen; you should be a big girl now
big brother is only doing what's best
for him & mom
you'll be okay on your own
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you harm?
you're fourteen; you should be strong
daddy & new mommy are just angry
& having a bad day today
they didn't mean it when they called
you worthless, did they?
don't be mad at mommy for what happened when she was with
new daddy
if she didn't abort the baby
you & her wouldn't be here right now
your little brother or sister
wasn't allowed to grow
but maybe she did what was right
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where did you go?        
you're fifteen; stop being so pitiful
words don't hurt, right?
that's what everyone said, right?
how new are your scars, darling?
you must feel terrible
now that your parents know
you're good at hiding the pain
almost too good
thoughts of suicide & scars of
self-harm; you're one of a kind
why did you try to leave?
why are so you depressed?
why are you always asleep?
little girl, are you even listening?
don't worry, the worst has passed

you're already lost.
a.c.

you are

beautiful, you are wonderful

and

it ails me that you

can't seem to see  your loveliness

the way that i can

you just

are a lot more

magical

then you give yourself credit for

your smile is

radiant

your laugh is electrifying

your irises are even more immaculate

than

the way the tides kiss

the beach shore  

and

you're just so

captivating

i know

you don't think so

but

i would like to tell you that

you really are

and

even though

you're stubborn and

headstrong at times

i don't care

because

i still love you

regardless

of those faults

and i don't know

maybe

if you viewed yourself through

my

cynosure

you'd understand why it is that

i find you

so

r e s p l e n d e n t.

Often I Have Wondered

If I heard a knock at my door
Would you be the one standing there waiting nervously 
Would you smile real big as you handed me a bouquet of Sunflowers And would you say, I picked these fresh from your garden
Or would you say Hello Babydoll, It's just me
 
Often I Have Wondered
 
Would you take me to a really nice restaurant?
Or would it be McDonalds for me
Would you wine and dine me
And would you walk real proud with me by your side
Would you fix me a home cooked meal with candle light?
Or would you say Hey good lookin, whatcha got cookin
 
Often I Have Wondered
 
If we were dancing, would you step on my toes?
Would you do the funky chicken?
Or would you take me around the floor with a little two steppin
Would you pull me close, hold me tight and no matter the pace of the song
Would you stare into my heart & slow dance all night long?
 
Often I Have Wondered
 
If I closed my eyes to sleep
Would I awake to a kiss from your lips, a warm touch from your hand?
Would I open my eyes and smile & see you smiling back at me
Would I drift off to sleep alone or in your arms?
And when I awake would you be there
Or would it have all been a dream

Perly Sunflower 2011

Those dark spots
had always been there
always intrigued him

He imagined them
to be islands
where he could go
in his dreams
and her white skin
would be endless beaches
in the sunlight

But they disappeared
with her
and were gone for years
he had nearly forgotten
until today

Those dark spots
appeared again
under a different light
away from the sun
and his dreams
the islands were cold
like the fluorescent light
and her lips

The sea had gone dry
like  her eyes had no tears
and they begged of him
to give them his
for old times' sake

If you leave me ill truly be through
I'm teetering on the edge it's true
I have suffered great loss, as of late
Can't survive more torture or hate

I have hurt you beyond any repaIr
Deceit, half truths, you feel I don't care
Honesty is important to you
I was scared and knew not what to do

Please don't go with an untrusting soul
I would be lost in this world with no role
I've never trusted a man until you
It's breaking my shattered heart in two

You are such a kind, fair, loving man
Treat me like gold whenever you can
I always come first, when its tough on you
I don't treat you the same, I see that too

You think I'm using you, a free ride
So far from the truth, I need you to guide
Until you, I haven't loved a man
Abuse thwarted me, I don't know if I can

Talk about baggage I own it in scores
Don't give up now, salt in open sores
Give me a chance to absorb your love
Ill open my heart and trust God above

Swimming in the dead of night
No one around, just the stars and the moon.
Pondering the magnitude of experience
While unconscious minds dream of desire.

Blindly drove familiar roads,
Downtown and it’s graceful emptiness.
From under the cork tree, listening
Looking, this is where life takes us.

Developing minds undergo stationary grind
Routine, schedules, predictability
It’s all the same, same, same.
Astonishing how “ordinary” is a waste of living
When wisdom comes from active engagement.

Take flight of letting go
Who cares, there’s a whole world to see.
Hundreds of places to cover
Millions of people to meet
Trillions of dishes to eat,
Who knows of great encounters?

The explorer within won’t welcome monotonous
Continuity of revolving time.
Into the wild at Gorilla Manor
Chances taken, fears defeated
With wide eyes, crushing ignorance a day at a time.

Dawn ended the nighttide of epiphany
But yet, still stimulated and awake
To spring off new highs on the road of recreation.
"Now", at no time, felt so thrilling until this ending moment.

If the Earth was a play
The cosmos would say
"This is the saddest story
I've heard to this day."
The moon would agree,
Having seen the play for free.
While the universe stands there trapped in thought,
The human, screams out his last shot
"This isn't the story,
the one you should have heard.
This story is incorrect, the meaning is blurred.
Give us another chance, this is absurd."
The human stood there, sorry, and said not another word.
With anger in its eyes, and love in its heart
the universe looked back,
and said
"We were never apart.
Even from the start, you were me, we were we.
I am you as you are she.
I'd give you a restart, but you'd laugh in my face,
and just incase you really are "sorry," then
hear my grace:
Your thoughts are empty, your feelings are blank.
You have nothing in your story that can surprise me.
You were selfish and ignored me.
You found your own message and betrayed me.
Created your own language and disobeyed me.
I'd give you another chance, but you'd just laugh in my face.
This was your last chance, please act in pace,
I have abandoned you, can no longer bare your disgrace.
Good luck on your own, into your journey through the unknown,
I'll be here when you need me,
while diving past my throne."

With margerain gentle,
  The flower of goodlihead,
Embroidered the mantle
  Is of your maidenhead.
Plainly I cannot glose;
  Ye be, as I divine,
The pretty primrose,
  The goodly columbine.

Benign, courteous, and meek,
  With wordes well devised;
In you, who list to seek,
  Be virtues well comprised.
With margerain gentle,
  The flower of goodlihead,
Embroidered the mantle
  Is of your maidenhead.