love is powerful and dangerous. it can mean a million worlds, as easily as it can terrify. some people are terrified to express love, in fear of rejection. or sometimes, they're just worried they fell too fast. for some people, waiting is the only logical option. be casual and shallower until their lover reveals his consensual feelings. then, sometimes, just sometimes, she lets loose and says things that would scare most people away. then again, he is not most people.
it started with your slow smile as i stood on my toes and closed my eyes to kiss you
then i noticed your walk and your hands and their harsh angles
angles that softened when they traced my face
angles which softened even more when they mapped the curves of my body
hands which i came beautifully familiar with
almost as if they were meant to melt into me
i began to notice how you laugh with your entire self
your eyes smile with your lips
your entire body goes limp and loses its composure
and you laugh
i noticed your grace
i noticed the willingness in your smile and your posture
how you meant it with every fiber when you said "yeah"
and that breathtaking smoulder
you are every variation of the word "magnificent" in existence
and it was so easy
falling in love with you was like falling into your grasp
your warm embrace
embrace: to hold tightly in one's arms
you are correct when you say that love and passion are different
they are like night and day
yet they are so easily confused
i am one of the few whose eyes are unveiled in the reality of the world
i see all its impurities and marvels
i see the truths
i am able to identify passion and love and infatuation and lust
i am able to recognize the razor thin lining
i know with all of me that for you, i feel both
passion and love
and among earth's imperfections and wonders,
you, my love, are the greatest wonder of all

He: now, its dark and the rain is light. It's chilly, but the cabin warms your face. I wish you were here to hold and speak softly to until we both fell asleep and woke in the early morning to each other

I: it wouldn't be chilly if I could replace the warmth of the cabin with my whole self. the moonlight which bathes the raindrop- splattered grass would be dulled in comparison to your eyes. your eyes putting the Alabama stars to shame. I too wish I was there, darling; to whisper sweet nothings to you as you drift away from me. sleeping beautifully in my arms at night, and waking more beautifully still

I guess you could call it poetic how by the age of 12 I had no recollection of what happiness tasted like on my tongue. Some would say it was tragically beautiful.
But it was not poetic, nor was it beautiful,  but it was tragic. It was so very, very sad, and that sadness is only doubled now that people see sorrow as glorious.  It is not glorious. It is not strength. It is a lump of iron in your chest and stomach and it eats you from the inside, out and you have no right to think that blood stained wrists are anything other than tragic. So very,  very tragic.

an ocean of grass
billowing around you
parting for you
granting your pass

you are an angel
bathed in sunlight
golden with starlight
breathtakingly graceful

i am just gazing
my heart pounding hard
broken and scarred
nervous and waiting

but you shun the evil
you tame the lightning
so beautiful and frightening
paling all other people

now i am whole
walls down for you
guard down for you
your electric soul

staring
staring out
staring out at
staring out at the
staring out at the night
staring out at the night wishing
staring out at the night wishing i
staring out at the night wishing i was
staring out at the night wishing i was dead
staring out at the night wishing i was dead so
staring out at the night wishing i was dead so i
staring out at the night wishing i was dead so i couldn't
staring out at the night wishing i was dead so i couldn't die
staring out at the night wishing i was dead so i couldn't die anymore.

e.s.s.

how did i get so lost?
i touched the end.
just a moment longer.
but they tempted me.
they tempted me so.
in the warm water, i lost myself.
my mind fled with my strength
and left me alone with her.
the robotic soulless *******.
the urges.
the pain.
i thought i banished the past
the painful past haunting every corner of my anatomy
but i did not.
i could not.
no man could forget.
no angel could overcome
the broken insides
and the crushed souls
fluttering desperately in my rib cage
they cannot escape.
and neither could i

e.s.s.

i can't seem to float anymore
i'm drowning
and i can see everyone around me carrying on
laughing and hugging
being happy
is this hell?
where i'm forced to watch life
while i die again and again
i want to **** myself
so i can die no more.

e.s.s.