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I am a girl
six inches over five feet tall
I am bulimic
and sometimes depressed
I can't stand blood so i don't cut
I'm afraid of ***** and so much more
I'm not psychotic maybe a little weird
I love music and poetry
I love people if they love me back
I love my sister she's thirteen
I am me
and this
is
Who I am
It's normal to want to begin again
To deny ourselves love is the greatest sin
A heart needs blood to keep it alive
It also needs love to hit its stride
Guard from thieves who want to steal your precious prize
They'll betray and lie to you as they look into your eyes
Listen to your heart for it will sing to the one
A melody so beautiful like the setting sun
Alas I say this with a tortured mind
For the feelings I have can't be defined
In another place and another time
Deep in my soul I wish you were mine....
12-17-13 M.A.N
I want you to give up on me
To release me from your loving death grip
You know I will never give into you,
I will never let you love me

But still you try

You try so hard that it hurts me
For I know how this will end,
and who will be left devastated
I don't want to, but I will break your heart

But still you try

I would love nothing more than to give into you
But I find it painfully hard to do so
For reasons that we have previously discussed
And I've become afraid to let you get close to me

But still you try

And I need you to try to break my walls
But you cannot try forever
There is only so much the heart can take.
And I can see yours is wearing thin

But still you try

I want to succumb to you
And I believe i eventually will,
If your persistence is enough
But your heart is loosing hope in me.

And then you give up
 Dec 2013 drunkonthoughts
berry
i can't remember when i last heard your voice
and i need you to know that i miss you.
but i don't think the words alone are enough.

i miss you.

I MISS YOU LIKE A BLIND MAN'S BULLSEYE.

I MISS YOU THE WAY A POOR MAN MISSES A ROOF OVER HIS HEAD.

I MISS YOU LIKE THE RUMBLING IN HIS UNFED STOMACH.

I MISS YOU LIKE THE COLD ACHY SPACE IN THIS HALF-EMPTY BED.

I MISS YOU LIKE EVERY POEM I ALMOST WROTE BUT FORGOT ABOUT BEFORE I FOUND A PEN TO WRITE IT DOWN.

I MISS YOU LIKE A FORGOTTEN BIRTHDAY.

I MISS YOU THE WAY JANUARY MISSES GREEN.

I MISS YOU LIKE MY FATHER'S BEDTIME STORIES.

I MISS YOU LIKE THE LAST TRAIN HOME.

MY CHEST IS CAVING. MY LUNGS ARE SHRIVELING,
AND WITH MY LAST BREATH I WILL SCREAM
THROUGH SPACE AND TIME - I MISS YOU.

IT'S TRUE, WHAT ALL THOSE POETS SAY ABOUT THE SUN & MOON - THAT THEY ARE GOING TO KEEP CHASING EACH OTHER FOR ETERNITY, THAT THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ONE ANOTHER'S TOUCH. SO I AM SENDING UP VENDING-MACHINE PRAYERS TO A MAY-OR-MAY-NOT-BE-THERE GOD, BEGGING HIM TO CLOSE THE GAP BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS AND THE SPACES BETWEEN MINE.

- m.f.
a special thanks to my friend Sydney, who is the mind behind the "blind man's bullseye" line.
 Dec 2013 drunkonthoughts
Lizzy
The panic rises
Your secrets piled up like old books on a shelf
Untouched by anyone
Except for you

Your mouth feels funny
Hands trembling
You try to brush your teeth

You look in the mirror
Staring back at the girl
Dark circles under her eyes
Hair going every which way
Shirt so long
It could be a dress
Is this really what it has come to?
I’m more afraid of losing you than I am of losing myself

To force one to create;
To turn the gears of the mind by force of will
Ironic;
That the source of creativity has become so artificial,
Like plastic flowers in an outdoors garden,
Not wrong,
Not dangerous,
Unsettling;
One of these things is not like the other.
Something is wrong;
This is too familiar,
I have been here before.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you my whole life,
Silence is a spirit which haunts me,
Hold my tongue,
Punching my gut,
Every time brave words bloom in my throat,
This banshee screams reality in my wind-beaten face.
She is subdued by a fraternal bond, a weightless chain,
Silence is tamed by the right company,
The demon exorcised from my body,
I am sanctified in brief lucidity,
Clarity, however fleeting still exists,
Despite the holes in your brain,
The ultimate in body modification.
Every ugly duckling is told they’re a swan,
So they seek their kind,
Unable to set roots,
Assured that there is a kindred spirit,
You just have to find them.
You don’t know what you have until it’s gone,
They ugly duckling becomes more shark-like every day,
Unable to stop, a flower constantly about to wither,
With age comes beauty,
The Rhododendron expels an army of stamens,
Male in essence, coloured neon pink,
******* objects of desire for the hungry bee,
Honey and perfume,
Comfort and poison,
The children of flowers,
Opposing in nature,
Twins in function,
Sweetening, attracting, saturating,
Numbing the tongue,
Burning the nose,
So sweet I could *****.
I want more time and you want more attention,
Kind gestures, kind reward,
So sweet that I’m sick.
Lost in the haze of fog and regret
High up on cloud nine, I recline
Smoke drifts slowly up from my hands as I
Desperately seek an escape from this world, where
Emotions are liars who can not be trusted
and convictions are flimsy
Cast away in a single heartbeat
writer's block is evil
From my Dark Watcher Series;

You came into my life,
offering me your heart.
I could be what you needed,
and be loved and protected,
I felt it could be a good start.
Your hands taught me pleasure,
the same hands also brought pain.
Your words could bring the sunshine,
but more often they brought the rain.
I looked to you for answers,
for you were older in age.
Then I began to see in you,
the ghost of simmering rage.
Fear and control, gains respect,
you would righteously boast.
Searching for your goal with
cruel words, and hands,
only to succeed in hurting
the ones you claimed to love most.
So much goodness in you, so
much love and tenderness.
How could such a good-hearted man,
show his family they meant so much less?
Now your children are almost grown,
the woman you love wants to leave.
Now you feel the need in you, to
say the things she needed to hear.
Let her know that you love her,
and always want her near.
You know in her heart there are feelings,
though she is pushing them away.
Can you close the gap between you
before those good thoughts also fade?
She says “I wish I could say, that I can
forget the past, that all I want is for this
relationship to last.
But pretend I will no longer do.
I don’t want my sadness, or decision
to cause you anymore pain, I just have
a great need in my heart for more sunshine,
and much less rain.”

Kathleen Kohl/Levinski
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