When I was 13,
I went up to my mother and told her that I wasn't beautiful because
my eyes were too close together
and that my gut hung lower
and my teeth went out farther.
my hair was too coarse
and my appetite was too large,
my skin was too dark
and my nose was too wide.

When I was 13,
I told my mother that beautiful came in only one size
and one size only
and I happened to be 3 sizes too large.
See I thought that all because I saw it to be true.
Oh how I wished to be that girl in the magazines because even the girl in the magazine wanted to be her.
Oh how I wished on every birthday and new years eve to lose weight and to be pretty.
I struggled so long with this issue of mine.
So long that it became a constant companion by my side.
See I longed for that day when everything would be alright.
For that day when I could look in the mirror and think I looked fine.
For the heavens to open up and the stars align,
crying out the one phrase that would change my mind;
you are beautiful, no matter what size.
See the heavens never opened up and the stars stayed the same
but all I can say is that my mindset changed.
Beautiful comes in many sizes, from extra small to triple extra large.

*-c.a.

Son, women (sigh), women are a kin to the ocean
Riding the currents of their emotions
Through cold and warm
Swelling, ebbing
Pulled by silvery moon
To navigate their shifting tides
One must be a patient sea captain
Hurricanes and tempests may steal your hope
Hold fast! Secure the rigging!
Listen to the wind though, my son
Her siren's song will guide you through to safe harbor
On those days when you reach calm waters
The aches she soothes in your soul
Will be worth any perfect storm

You played piano almost as well as you played with my heartstrings.
You live with excitement nobody can echo with a voice
stronger than yours. I was following my heart, as you had
directed me to do. I found myself at your doorstep. You always claimed I'd be the last
person you'd turn away. I can be strong for the both of us and go, but I know
someday I'll find myself wandering back to the light at the end of your drive. I hope
you won't let me in. You were never one to invite strangers inside.
If we meet again, will I have the chance to introduce myself as
someone other than your killer? Murdering you
in my own attempt to destroy myself was never my intention. Speaking to
your back was the only easy way to say "I love you".
I hope you always turn around when you're headed my direction. I hope
you always stay the same. I hope you never forgive me.

I want to fly
I want to fly like a kite in the sky
where the sun shines bright
and the moon comes out at night.
I want feel the brisk air breeze
past the tips of my wings as I glide
over a forest full of autumn leaf.
Or an ice cap with the slightest layer
of snow that swirls like a hurricane
with the wind that blows.
Even a barren desert where the dunes
resemble a ripple the emanates
from stepping into a puddle.

I want to fly
Like a lone dandelion seed that
drifts like that of the oceans and seas,
any direction it may so please.
Or an angel above the clouds
where everything shines, simply
because the view is beautiful.
Because beauty is in the eye
of the beholder, who can create
a scene of anything to be seen.

I want to fly
Because flying is what freedom
feels like, and there is no better feeling
than that of feeling free.
Where the rarity of life can never be
overlooked, and you can understand
just what it means to live
And the only obstacle you could face
is the one most people allow
to break their wings, yourself.

I want to fly
Because I want to see everything
that this world has to offer, and
there is nothing to obstruct my vision.
Like peeking into a kaleidoscope,
except everything that you see
is a colorful, new opportunity
To make this world a better place
as it revolves around the sun annually
and ages ever so slightly.

I want to fly
Because these days everyone walks and
I would say that over time it has
become rather mundane.

A calm sensation
enslaves me,
soothing my mind
and warming my heart.
For in little time
i will disappear,
easily forgetting
the mundane
regimentation
of daily living.
Light fades
and a mystic shroud of
darkness
fills my sight.

No cares,
no worries,
only the peace
my soul
desires.
Floating on a
manufactured cloud
of comfort;
I finally
slip away
from reality,
and begin another
glorious session,
of sleep.

After 12 midnight when everyone's asleep
That's your most conscious moment.

Morning:
Drunk on insecurities,
Busy putting up strong fronts and fake smiles.
Answering with slight twists whenever a personal question that might potentially break down your wall is asked.

Afternoon:
Weary from pretense but yet desperately holding on.
Having slight slip ups whenever no one is looking.

Night:
Walls crumple and demons are set free.
The mind is free from all restrains.


You begin to see things more clearly despite being in the dark.
But yet the demons which were also let loose continues to blind you each time you realize the stupidity of yourself.

Vicious cycle that can't be broken,
You broke yourself into pieces instead.

I try writing
but all that comes to mind is you
your brown hair and your round nose
your thin legs and arms
your bright eyes
I can only think of the way I want to do everything with you
Everything on earth
I want to intently study how rain falls
I want to have lazy sundays
Where all we do is watch movies from the eighties
And drink warm tea and make forts of blankets and sheets
I want to watch the way the stars twinkle in the dead of night
From the top of my building
I want to slow dance with no music and only the rhythm of our hearts
I want to see the world with you
And dream with you
I just want to be with you