this is not a poem. this is a plea. this is me begging you to hear me when i tell you that i love you. my voice is weak and shaking like the branches of a willow in the wind. my hands are trembling like tremors under the surface of the earth. my vision is so blurred that i can barely focus my eyes as i type. i can feel the impending collapse of my lungs as they are further crushed by the weight of all my anxieties. my strength is fading, but i'm still screaming for you, only you don't seem to hear me. i'm reaching for you but you won't take hold of my hand. i swear to god i'm trying with everything i have to hold you together, but i'm terrified it's not enough. the very thought of your nonexistence consumes me in a fear i have never known. i have never been good at telling people i need them, but i can tell you how vacant this world would be if you left it. everything would change. you can't come in to my life like you did and then just leave it with no warning. you can't do that to me. you can't tell me that you want to marry me and then try to disappear without so much as a goodbye. you just can't. so i don't mean to make you feel guilty, i just need you to understand. don't you know what it would do to me if you left? how many times are you going to almost-die before you realize i will never be the same if you do?

people going through it all over, ****
worrying doesn't help
keep writing
you'll understand
keep your head down
keep working
be happy
alright man?
don't ever give up
or stop trying
does that sound like a plan?
ok good
then make it an "i will"
and not an "i can"

They ask me over and over again,
"What boy hurt you to make you this way?"
And I laugh.
Because they are too ignorant to understand
Liking girls does not require a previous pain,
Or being touched by a hand you thought you could trust
Love has no ****** preference
And love has no gender
So I am forced to ask them,
"What girl hurt you to make you that way?"
They look at me puzzled
And they don't understand
Because their normal only has one definition
And that is theirs.
They don't understand that maybe,
Just maybe,
I deserve love in which ever way makes me feel the butterflies in my tummy
And makes my hands perspire in the pocket of my hoodie
They can't seem to see
That I have seen more love in the curves of her back
Than they will ever see on their knees.
But no matter how much I tell them that there is nothing wrong with me,
That no boy hurt me,
They persist.
They no longer ask.
They just plainly state,
"A boy hurt you and made you this way."

Oh, I want to tell you. Believe me, I do.
I want to tell you how much it all hurts,
and how I hear your heartbeat in the chorus of every song.
If I could only reach the depths of your mind you never let me touch
we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
I want to scream at you, trust me, I do.
I ache to let my rage reign at full capacity,
and give you hell that burns eternally.

I'm afraid if I let these words marinade in my hatred,
I'll become far too bitter a person.
And what if your taste never leaves my lips?
I want to ask you.

Here we are, though.
I'm not speaking, screaming, and certainly not asking.
I'll drown my sorrows in something shameful,
and pray you care to save me.

April-** I could have let it be a one night stand but your body was magnetic.
May- On my birthday I only wished for you.
June-  Our first big fight had us erupting like Mt St. Helens. I drank a bottle of cough syrup and spilled my guts. " I love you " I said. You said it back.
July- I found out you were talking to another woman. I was devastated. I'm with another man; maybe that is how you felt.
August- The discussions about me leaving him are becoming more serious. You are moving back in with your mother soon. Ultimately, I decided suicide was my only option.
September- I did it. I left him for you.
October- Arguments are frequent, and one got me so heated that I went upstate for a few weeks. The first night I got there, I gave myself away to another man. It only made the pain stop throbbing for a moment.
November-  My dad wants to strangle you, and he says you are no longer welcome in the house. Myself and my family are now concerned that one day you will hurt me; and not with your words. I would still love you so.
December- Some nights you are my heater, but most you leave me in the blistering cold.

I see you everywhere
around every corner
even when I close my eyes
it's you
all I see and all I feel
it's you

I miss you
God I miss you
and I know you won't be back soon
but I get to talk to you
whenever I want , but
is this enouph ?
It's not...

I want to see you now,
in front of me
I want to touch your skin
and hug your body
and smell your hair,but
Would this be enouph?

It wouldn't,
cause I want to hold your hands
for ever.
have endless conversations with you
and make you lauph,so I can see
you adorable little smile
and your eyes
Oh your eyes, they smile too
and then they sparkle

It's you
It's all about you
I am unconditionally
and irrevocably
in Love with You