There are ways to forget
There are ways to get better
There will be a tornado in your throat as you try to unlearn the definition of love and you will have to choke down all the things he said to you with alcohol you shouldn't be having so much of
You are dizzy from intoxication and you think of his kaleidoscope eyes and fall to your knees
In humble abandonment of your old self, you are vacant of any comfort you may have once knew
You are looking for new ways to escape this horror of reality
You stop showering because the water feels too much like his hands running through your hair
Open the windows, he would have wanted them closed
Smash the television, break the radio, drown out all the sound because he can't sleep without noise
And you can't sleep without him but it is better to lay there with silence hanging in the air rather than accidentally hearing a song that the both of you once loved, waking you in a cold sweat like an addict itching for a drug
And sometimes when I get drunk I say that I hate you
That I wish my mind had never laced itself into yours
That I hope your next morning will be one that is cold and idle
And I'm sorry that I do these things
Because alcohol is an intoxicating ingredient being poured into my blood stream and these words that smell of liquor are one's that I do not always mean
I find myself filling with immoral substances to resist going to sleep
I cannot bear going to sleep now because each night at approximately 3 am
I wake up in a frenzy from a dream I was having about the old you
Panicked, terrorized, I feel I am under attack by the soldiers of my own mind
Maybe it is because I know I will never capture you, with each relentless passing second, you will never be the you I once knew and loved
Because when things were good, they were great
However, you must always pay close attention to how they treat you when things are bad
Whether it's "I love you but you're such a fool" or a door slammed on your fingers
There is always an option though
To continue loving you, chasing pavements, limping towards a dying light
Or to leave with some decency and a change of clean clothes
You see, I've learned that there is always a hospital bed, the question is whether or not I want to rot in it
And with you, I feel on top of the world, a mind game
Because I know I am actually on the bottom
There is something you do to me, as if you place glasses over my eyes
Making me believe that maybe this is not as bad as it seems
That being without you is somehow bearable as long as your face is implanted into my skull
There is no real way to describe the staggering appetite for his touch
I am starving for such warmth that never goes cold
A drinking water that never runs dry
He could refresh my cracking heart valves if only he were to come back
But he won't
He would watch me *******, crumble, disintegrate away
Deteriorate, degenerate, decay to ash
Corrode, decompose, shrivel up, pollute this hole I am locked inside of
He does not care for my safety, he does not care for my life
If he did, he would have come home already

Like thieves, we are all in love with stolen hearts
Trespassing on private property
We are always crossing boundary lines
As a part of human nature, we do almost anything to get where we want to go
Where we feel we belong
Something stirs inside of us, makes us itch, ache, thirst
For a spoonful of affection
A syringe of love injected into our forearm
Entering our body like the holy grail that preachers used to talk about
We have never made smart decisions in the name of love
Cupid laces his arrows with the most dangerous drug out there
And the craving grows faster than the hair lining his jawline
No one can truly explain nor comprehend the vast existence of love that dwells within every lucid person
We are looking for love as if we have the ability to find it
There is nothing more hopeless than attempting to create something with no materials to do so
When you want to love someone but they do not offer you the opportunity
When the road that you are walking on comes to an end
At the precipice of distraught perspective
It is understood that love is not easy
It is understood that love is not a fairy tale
Picture frames fall off of walls
Wooden floors scratch when glass kisses their skin
And we hate asking questions
Because we are afraid of the answers
And how are we to explain the magnitude of fear
Measure out the anxiety
Weigh the uncertainty
There is no way to determine an answer
To a question that is nailed to the tip of your tongue
Like thieves, we are all in love with stolen hearts
Invading foreign territory
We apologize for such actions that we cannot control
We ask forgiveness for such reluctance to speaking up
We do not mean to do the things that love violently enforces
We do not mean to fall in love
But we are searching regardless of the understood failure
We are experimenting with our own blood
As if we have so much of it to give

I think it is time we drink the stars
Let them sink through the sheets of our skin like spilled white wine
Overflow our veins with their constellation language
Let their fluorescence course through our blood stream
Stain the walls of our bones with their light
I think it is time we drink the stars
I think it is time we meet them too

As a collection of beings exchanging breaths and footprints in enclosed purgatories of our own nightmares
I do not think we can survive without love
We have always played the game because it is the first one we learned how to
As children we were taught to feel, programmed to need someone there
And as we grew, songs and movies molded our imaginations into something artificial
Like the sweetener your mother put into her ice tea the morning of the divorce
Magazine articles seem to know so much on "How To Make Them Love You"
And we begin to believe that all stories are the same stories, that maybe movies are real
That fairytales are finally crawling out of their mask of fiction and are coming to reward you with true love's kiss
Maybe we are just too naïve for the media
Maybe we are just too naïve for each other
Cradling words that hint "I love you"
Tucking their body language into our pocket
We make ourselves believe because we have always played make believe
I've learned it is hard to abandon the habits we have always lived by
Some of us our prone to fall in love with the first person who takes a second glance
The boy who wears ***** converse and slicks back his dark brown hair
Hair that is untamable and hangs over his forehead
The girl who knows every word to your favorite Beatles song
And writes poetry about the shading of the sky
Born on a lonely street and looking for vacancies on every corner
Patience has never been our priority
We are constantly shaping ourselves to fit into someone else's gap
Obsessed with becoming the kind of silhouette that people fall in love with
We are all connected in such a way that we need romance, need a body lying next to us in gray sheets on Sunday mornings to remind us that even when it rains, grass grows
This bloodline runs thin but somehow we always drown
I do not think we can survive without love
It is the key to locked doors, the blueprint for our foundation
Our rib cage aches to have fingers run across it
We are waiting for someone to reach inside of our chests and steal our heart away
We have laced up are shoes, ready to take theirs too
I do not think we can survive without love
And the crushing irony of it all
Is love is the very poison that will **** us

It is the sixteenth of November
I am clad in ripped black jeans and the same black t-shirt I've worn every day for two weeks
It's a Monday
I am weary, worn from the weekend
On the precipice of regaining my pride by sleeping for 3 days straight
I am so tired
Fatigue is now a new code embedded in my DNA
There are few things you can do with a body convinced it has no soul
I haven't felt this empty in years
Vacant and desolate, I am an abandoned house that no one has returned to yet
I am still waiting for a knock on the door
But he never comes
The wind outside blows harder now and I never venture outside without a jacket
But I frequently forget to wear shoes
There is something about running on cold concrete that makes you feel alive
And maybe I am too accustomed to getting the seasonal cold because I refuse to cover my toes
I refuse to let the things that offer me freedom be incarcerated
It's so cold out
Chills strike my arms like lightning bolts, I tremble at the thought of you holding her to make her warm
I hide behind my fabricated contentment
I would rather freeze to death in your arms than live beneath layers of blankets
You see there is a distinct difference between cotton material and a silk body
They say that when someone is freezing, your body heat is the only thing left to save them
And I fear that if I ever were to be perishing due to frigid temperatures
You could not bear to lay a finger on me
Only cover me up
And it is hard to appreciate an effort that is only buying time

If you love someone
Do not ever let them go.
They will not come back.

The summer nights with you were like heaven  hot and steamy
The walks in the fall with you were a reminder that nothing stays alive at one point the love dies.
The white snow reminded me of purity that once I had before I met you.
The one thing  that was taking away when you walked out on me.
The spring reminds me that there's always a way to bring yourself back to life after a heartbreak