I was looking at your chest x rays on the lighted wall

Your straight spine centered behind your rounded ribcage
Looks like busted churchgates
from all the times you let your ghosts go

And there are bees buzzing in your shoulders only
you aren't cold this time

So much faith in what I do with words
Willing to love me like a half written gospel
we are filling in as we go

And I want to write us poetry
like the first man was asked to play the first piano

Come
dance with me to my deathbed

I am afraid
That one day I might kiss you
like a deaf stethoscope
that no longer hears your heart

That this language will grow stale
Along with your faith in me

but my knees
are riverbeds for prayer

And I carry my chest heavy like a library
full of books that hate the silence

You should know that
being a poet is more than just a choice

and maybe my body is like a library
but when I pray to you
I'll never use my inside voice

Just like I know that god used nails
to make the iron in your blood stream

That you'll be strong even when you're old
and even then
I still want you to believe in me

When we are like trains that no longer run the tracks
when we've fully mapped the topography of our bodies

But some days
our engine chests come back

and I write a poem about you that is new

And you listen
To my huff and rumble
you lift your tea and saucer with shaking hands
I close my eyes
and hear our train coming

You sleep earthquake some nights
like a puppy
Whimper and swim

You dream like the grand canyon did when it was just a shallow river bed

You never expect to get so big
to create so much space

So I know holding you won't make you still

Your head in my hands like a sunrise
strands of gold
drizzling between my fingers

Your body
like a lonely bear living in a city
you miss home
eat only yellow things
Dandilions
and honey
bumble bees
and chips of paint from fire hydrants

Inside you belly it is always
daytime
always spring

So much light
you don't sleep well most nights

And I wish I could place my hands
inside the space between your shoulder blades

and take it out of you
hold it swirling in my hands

I will put it into a jar of water
and in then in the fridge
so that it might learn stillness in the cold

I will come back to bed to you
a beer bottle still in my hand

I will pull the blankets from you
and let the dark settle
Inside this new space

And maybe this night
You can sleep peacefully

I don't care about my clothes.
My hairs becoming rat abodes.
I cant even brush my teeth right.
I stink up rooms like I stink up the night.

i even forget to eat right now.

I'm just like an old coffee can
you find rusted in the dust.
Sandy.
Filled to the brim with none.

These spaces in my veins run vile with molasses.

Entire family ripped out by the seams.
The sheet of linens we weaved burnt at both ends like leaves, for candles wick.

All I get left is the floor mats you left.
The walls that have our sweat on them.
You pulled the floor mat out from under my feet.

i dont have the roaches as my friends this time.

The sinks full,
no babies in it anymore.
Just an echo of her washing
the dishes with you.

I'm filling it up with water from my eyes.
While your out and about tonight.
With your ***** of a friend on our anniversary night.

Depressed doesn’t beat rock bottom.
Pressing fast forward doesn’t equal this pause in my life.

You just keep on play. ****** poem.

There is a man who some have said
was born with a silver spoon in his
mouth.

To this man I was born. In that moment
he held me with a love every father has
for their baby girl.

Little did I know at that moment those
dark eyes would haunt my dreams.

For years to come he would teach me to
ride a bike and hold my hand crossing
the street.

But behind closed doors he taught me
fear, manipulation and guilt.

As I grew up I lived in fear of the man
that gave me life because he had the
power to shatter the fragile life that beat
inside my little heart.

As time went by his sickness grew in his
shadowed heart. A sickness that slowly
made me die inside painfully piece by
piece.

With knees pressed to my chest I am
numb from the memories I am forced
to relive day after day.

Behind my smile and open eyes lies a
small girl tangled in fear and darkness.

With dainty hands outstretched to the
sky, I pray that I could fly away to a
place where he can't see me.

Every "I love you" that rolls off his lying
tongue makes the hate inside me grow.

The life of that little girl I once was went
up in angry flames and from the ashes I rise
to see the monster I call my father.

He slips away into the chaos he calls his
wonderful purpose driven life.

The same fear I've known for so long,
it almost feels like home, is shaken from
my shoulders like a crushing weight is lifted.

As he leaves my life he carries my hurt like a
badge of honor and leaves me breathlessly
wishing that those hateful eyes of deceit no
longer haunt me.

Form the destruction I rise strong and willful.
may he forever remain shackled by his sickness
unable to break that shattered baby girl.

To this man I was born with his name branded
on my skin. From this man I walk away and
never look back.

I
Just
Took
That
Extra
Pill
You
Told
Me
To
Take
Will
I
Die
Or
Will
I
Wake
I
Drank
What
I
Was
Not­
Supposed
To
Drink
Now
Pills
And
Alcohol
Mix
To
Sink
Within
My
So­ul
A
Drop
To
Think
I'm
Dead
I
Think
Good
Night
A
Wink
Or
Twelve
O­r
100
Or
Forever
Winks
I
Love
You
HP
You
Saved
Me
Many, many
Winks
You'll know
If I
Survived
If you
Hear
From me
Again
Xo
I love you
More
Than
You
Will
Know

The promise
of tonight
stirs within

Let it
soon
begin