We’re tangled in contradictions.
Yesterday, we talked about a farewell,
About everything we might want in the future, each for ourselves.
Shared stories like we used to, as if there were no tomorrow.
Laughed together for the sake of our egos.
Stared, touched, and sent love, knowing it was the last time.

Now, the messages keep coming, unbroken,
And you’ve become my favorite notification I wait for.
We share everything we did today or yesterday,
Updates as usual, to keep the conversation alive.
We read each other’s poem(s),
Savoring and appreciating them,
As if we can’t let go,
As if the feeling is still there, so strong,
As if we’ve found our perfect place in each other’s arms,
And as if this is what we truly need in the end.

We’re still here, sharing the same space, though wearing different masks.
In this space, tangled between us,
I find comfort.

My eyes caught a lover on instagram.
Sweet, I said.
Holding each other’s hands,
Laughing to unfunny jokes,
Taking lots of romantic picture to keep,
Beautiful
As we used to be.

I pray to God,
So he makes her happily ever after,
So he understands how fragile her heart is,
So he doesn’t leave her alone at their own home,
Oh God, I hope she gets everything I don’t.

You held my hand with both of your hands,
as if you were telling me to trust every process we’ve been through.
You hugged me tight,
as if you were asking me to stay.
If the world asks for it, then I would nod as an answer.
With a smile on my face.

But, I know.
Our hands touched gently,
as a reminder that this is all over.
The hug we shared,
as a reminder that this is (maybe) our last goodbye.
The world asks for it.
It is what it is.

We made a deal, the world hasn’t ended yet.
Then I'll be happy about it.

I am just a little girl,
Who once had a balloon.
I loved to see it dance with the wind.
Its color bright against the sky.
Its weightless joy filling me.

I shielded it from the sun,
Afraid it might burst under its rays.
I let it float,
But never too far,
Its string always wound around my fingers.

But one day, I held it too tight.
My fingers shook, my heart raced.
I squeezed it excessively,
Hoping it would never leave.
But then-
A pop,
An echo of what we once were.

I fell to my knees,
Gathering all the pieces-broken shards of rubber.
And still, I hold the string tight,
An empty tether,
And a handful of memories.
But that’s not enough.
I want it back,
I need my balloon.
No one else can have it.
It’s mine alone.

The face I still remember vividly.
The memories replayed every second.
The messages I never deleted,
I read them every night.
The voice that seemed around me.
And the laughter that is always contagious.

I want to keep it longer.
Hey, I ache for you.

My heart beats faster than usual.
My hands trembled, stringing word after word.
My body feels flushed,
It's like I'm on fire.

I can't control all those things,
Because now I'm all alone,
With many wounds and memories,
But life must go on,
I have to let you go,
And it's time to press the restart button.