Two days before you left
You said
"I just don't love you anymore"
And I started to wonder
If you ever did

I helped a friend
stumble to the bathroom
so he could puke,
held his head
so he threw up in the
toilet
and not everywhere else,
made sure he got
toothpaste on his teeth and gums
then led him to a couch
so he could lay with
a cute girl and cuddle
while I made bed
out of a chair
the next room over
evaporating like
the last puddle
of this storm
cold and wishing
I was him
snuggled up
and warm
.
.
.

Life is beautiful
they tell the
generation born of
depression and
anxiety.

Life is beautiful
with higher percentages
of suicide than
highschool
drop outs

Life is beautiful
to the “me” generation
called self centered
because of
selfies

Life is beautiful
to the highest
price of living
in American
history

Life is beautiful
to the generation
that romanticizes
death.

The doctor says it will help,
So you take a pill.
Sixteen years down the line,
You're still taking the pill.

You're not sure what's the medicine and what's you.
You feel as if you're living a lie,
So you set the pills aside.

Then, your head spins 'round
You don't know up from down.
Your stomach does gymnastics
While you stay groggy and weak.
By the third day, you can hardly speak,
And you cry at the drop of a hat.
A hightened sensitivity, lessened awareness--
Everything is a blur,
Clouded by emotion, anxiety, and fear.
No one told me I would end up here.

So I take a pill
The doctor says it will help...
And maybe one day it will.

Yeah, we kiss sometimes.
No , sorry we kiss all the time.

He does hold my hand.

Sometimes he even says I love you.

He's my boyfriend... Because I was single.

I'm his now all because of you.

I was single cuz you broke up with me You broke up with me cuz you didn't want me You didn't want me cuz you were all done with me "for now."

You were the one Jumping into freedom

and then you drowned in it.

You were so excited to be "single" that you forgot your fear of being alone.

You swore it wasn't over.

Please Tell Me what you meant by "Let's Break Up"

Please Tell Me what the month of silence and ignorance meant to you.

Please Tell Me how "I just can't do this anymore" translates to anything but "We're all done here."

Please Tell Me why your words speak a different language that only you have the dictionary for.

Please don't tell me it was all temporary
because your words were dripping with tears of permanence.

Don't tell me it wasn't supposed to last.

I didn't know Good Bye was synonymous for I love you.

Because in my dictionary
Love is a Verb
and Those actions and your words do not hold up.

They're flimsy in the wind blown by the hot air you blow around.

They crumbled under my feet as I trudged on to a future where good-bye Bleeds and Love
is Sore from all of the deeds it performs.

You can swear love up and down the walls of your new home

But I've come to realize your words are more temporary than our parting ever was.

You only meant for...

meant for...
meant for...
meant for...

Oh that's right you only meant for me to wait patiently

You only meant for me to stay frozen with the smile that you could tell was really empty without you.

Well News Flash: My Heart Takes Up Rooms

Since you're so much smarter and wiser you know that matter can neither be created nor destroyed

and the Explosion only spreads it further.

So I hope this means you understand that
This Heart is painted on your walls and
This Heart is spattered over your memory and
This Heart gives a love that infects and
This Heart is too busy pumping divinity into this world that it will

Never leave me empty.

It will Never be me who jumped too soon over a threshold that wasn't there.
It will Never be me who left something behind that I couldn't afford to lose.

No it will Never be me who put the live ******* the backburner only to see she has crawled away while I brewed a new life for myself.

Stop You Say?
Stop You Say?
Wait You Say?

Wait for What, I ask.

For Simon to say Freeze?
For Simon to say Hold?
For Simon to say Pause?
Notice Simon never says Please.

Well I'm here to ask you, who the **** made you Simon?

Who made you the banker in the monopoly on who could live my life.

I think your ears heard the wrong thing when I held your hand and said

You were it.

I should have known better but then again
I didn't know we were playing a game.

But as always, the games have concluded and I ask Where's Your Medal, My Dear?

Is it under the new clothes that you've decided are your style now?

Is it hiding under her tongue?

Is it Wrapped around that bottle that you swore you'd never touch.

Are they in the eyes of the New friends you've known forever.

Sorry... 6 Months.

Well Pardon me for not being blinded at the Shimmer of your Participation Medal

But I'm too busy holding the purple heart you left me with.

I'm too busy weaving Gold into the fingers of my loved ones.

I'm wrapping a gold chain around his neck as a new promise that we will both win Together

A Sign of a Team Rather than Opponents.

Do tell me why, though, that you felt a need to win when I never wanted to keep score in the First Place.

It all gets so vicious in between those "Temporary" Words and False Actions.

Let this be a Lesson.

Watch your words closely.

Don't Let them run away with you because one day they might tattoo themselves into your shoulder.

That Chip that you can Never brush off.

And then it won't matter if you said them in Flowery Purple Wording because those words will be the ones that Scar you.

Purple will look a lot like defeat
And You'll understand that the
Tin you've traded your Gold for is corroding before you.

Please Do excuse me for mining for a more precious action to go with Love

Pardon my resistance to swallow your false intentions.

Please Forgive me But I Need to

Go Live My Life.