It's true with one silent stare of deep dark eyes, 
He looks back, just to make sure she's real
He knows with one touch of her hand on his
Accidental
He allowed himself to feel something again
Captivation
Curiosity

Strange how we let simple emotions govern our life.
Major decisions; decided on the precipice of love or hate.
Pain or desire. 
or both.
Life fueled by the highs and the lows.

Manic.

He must love himself a good amount. He feels like he's always on the search for someone to love him again. 
Subconsciously.
"Who isn't looking for love?" he ponders
"And when they aren't, what are they searching for?"
"Can i know the secret?"

Will no one run with me through the fields,
And laugh unto the moon.
I've been too long from childhood.
I need to find it soon.

Will no one climb up in the oak,
And hang dangling by their knees.
I've been too long from childhood
Won't someone help me please.

Will no one hide their eyes till ten,
Then run and laugh with glee.
I've been too long from childhood,
Won't someone help me see.

Will no one help me make a kite,
And fly it to the sun.
I've been too long from childhood,
I need to have some fun.

Will no one run with me in the night,
And catch the fireflys.
I've been too long from childhood,
Won't someone tell me why.

I wonder how many times
will I have to have my heart broken
to finally be left without it.
Bless or curse?
I don't know if I can handle
all this pain anymore.
Having your heart
shattered into pieces
and feeling it on the flesh
as much as on the soul.
All I see now
are the lies that disguised themselves as truths
leading me to pick them blindly
and drowning in the endless ocean
of disappointment and regret.
Oh why did I have to believe
in all those lies told by an emotionless heart,
dark inside and out?
Can I ever get out of this maze
that demands for my life?

There we sat barely clothed
at a close distance
With the expected surprise
A broken connection
with hazardous protection
Getting rid of our numb feelings
With a low high
The inception to our world
A love begins-
a drug within-
a calm turmoil.
The tiny elephant in the room that met our demise
Two souls hidden behind true lies
But, the truth lied
Before our four eyes
I handed you the two sterling gold spoons
while I close the blinds in the rooms
Crush a bit, bigger bit...****:
That's my retreat of happiness.
I remember that last look, before we duck our heads to the side,
The last time we are who we really are, stare into my eyes
Before we lose our conscious beings and drift
to the other side...
Oh that bumpy ride...like it's 5am Traffic.
Bumper to Bumper out of lethargic habit.
Your last forced smile before you turned white.
Shaking you I screamed, "Wake up! Please wake up, come back to this side!"
The foam rushed creased out your lips like the sandy morning tide.
With each breath you faintly exhaled, I watched as you died.
I always thought you would have came back from being gone,
It was the oxy that killed you as I watched...
*****.
Omnipotent Kids,
Ignorant God.
We had it all wrong.

If I could give you everything
It still wouldn't be enough
The most important piece
Scattered across continents
Sunken treasure at the bottom
Of a never ending sea
Turned to rust as it gasped for oxygen
If I could give you everything
Everything wouldn't be everything
With a broken, missing puzzle piece heart

Gone.
she smiled.
Gone.
she smiled a lot.
Gone.
but now thats all changed.
she doesnt smile with honesty.
she doesnt laugh with pleasure.
her smile is the same as telling a lie.
and her laugh is the same as feeling pain.
all that she is now,
all that she will ever be
all that she can see is,
Gone.

let it go; its too far gone.
what's it like?
to scream til you strain your throat.
to cry till it hurts so bad you cant even sob.
to cut so much you run out of room.
to bleed so often that you are set into a trance by the red liquid.
to full the aches by downing pill after pill and not knowing which one will end up numbing you so much youre on the brink of death.
to starve and starve and starve and starve, but be disrupted by the conflicted counterpart disorder.
to be hated and not accepted until medicine is introduced to change who you are; to someone that is only liked when medicated.
to wear your memories engraved into your skin.
to watch as one in particular tries to save you, and throw on a smile for their peace of mind.
but know that smile can be a frown in a second, when turned upside down.

they say

relapse

is a part

of

recovery

but

is it really?

what if

its your body

saying

you

can't

do it.

you

can

do

nothing

but

sit

and watch

as you

hal

lu

cin

ate

places

that seem

so

de

so

late.

when really

you are

clearly

there are

people around

you

but all think

what you need

is a good

shrink.

they say

relapse

is just a part

of

recovery.

or maybe

its really

a reminder

that says

you're

a

nobody.

this

reality

gives

me

insanity.

this

society

gives

me

anxiety.

i'll never let you see
what you've done to me
i'll never let you know
where i'm planning to go
except after i'm gone
you'll all be too late.
to say if i could just have wait.
wait for what?
for me to slice another cut?
then you run, tp say what i have done
for you to feel like you have won.
won the battle between me and my life
with you not even involved
but there i go again
slaying against my wrist is the knife
and sitting there
as i tear
tear off the plastic
uncap the lid
discover whats been hid
a capsule of blue
multiple and brand new
taste the bottle on my lips
not even the razor's nips
could substitute what i will soon endure
a pain free path for sure
but the only way to get there?
step in the puddle of blood
there's no lack of it, it's a flood
a flood of my own
nothing i have ever shown
as the ultimate sacrifice, i just want to say,
maybe there would have been one day
when someone would have finally said
"the things inside your head
are driving insane
and its leading you to a world of pain.
take my hand, and follow my lead
someplace to where you will not need
the use or crave for blades & pills
because my love & caring will end your desire to ****."
but that is all a tale
it is all in my head
that someone will have said
"i will save you."
and now its too late
because i will reach for the razors as my evening date
and later lose my innocence deep into the dark as it is late
my innocence taken by the one and only
multiple swallowed capsules
as i say one last time, "if i wasn't so lonely"
then everyone wouldn't say, 'why?"
and i didnt have to write, "goodbye."