35 years from now
you drinking in a bar
only thinking"How?"

you begin to remember
back to that year,
in november.

that day in november,
you will always remember.
how could you not
you are the reason after all
why she would bawl.

sunday night,
he left you 6 messages
and called 9 times.

with no answer from you
her lips ended in blue.
but this time,
it's 12:02.

morning of monday,
it was her birthday.

35 years later,
head in hands,
asking "why did i let her?'

october,
she called your name.
but you claimed
it was just a game.

then came early november
you can help but remember
how she asked for your hand,
but said you had other plans.

her end came nearer
and not until now
do you see clearer.
not until after did you notice
her absence of laughter.

today,
is her birthday.
and every year
you have too many beers
and add one more regret
starting with the day we met.

'if i never said hello,
and you never said hi,
you wouldn't have to say
goodbye."

today, you have 35 regrets.
today you have another
reason to fret.

35 years later,
you still don't see.
what made her
do all these terrible things.

but deep down,
you really know.
if you hadn't said
"i wish i didn't say hello",
she would still
be alive, and not ill.

if you hadn't been so mean,
she would've been alive
to celebrate her turning eighteen.

September.
remember,
back in school
being seniors
meant we had rule.
we were on top
and nothing
would make us stop.
but that didn't mean
i didnt have deep secrets
in my dreams.
school had just begun
back when we still
had the sun.
but i had clouds closing in
thought i didn't tell a soul.
so i began my journey
into the deep, dark, hole.
October.
remember, when the days grew dark so fast.
but that didn't stop others from having a blast.
when i was asked to go,
i always said no.
because when the sun set,
that reminder became a threat.
i was busy
gathering what i need
to carry out my
one
last
final
deed.

November.
remember.
remember november?
i know you do.
i know you wish it wasn't true.
i know you wish i could make it undo.
but don't you see,
what people do or say
really does hurt me.
if you already know that,
why did you call me fat?
if you already knew i was sad,
why did you save what you had?
if you dont know why,
why did you let me die?

remember?
back in november?
sunday night
to
monday morning.

my heart stopped beating.

happy 18th, baby girl.
watch your blood swirl.
onto the floor
or down the drain.
outside her window,
it rained, and rained, and rained.
3 empty bottles by her bed.
mother's hands holding her head.
paramedics write it off
as suicide;
her own hands
is how she died.
now,
i know you remember.
back to december.
seniors you were,
but everything became
a sudden blur.
all the tears,
being blinked away.
wishing i could have stayed.
now that i'm gone,
you finally realize
what you had ll along.
even though you're too late,
you'll treat this matter
with more weight.
i wish you knew
before monday morning,
at 12:02.
september began.
october started to show.
november held all the signs.
december you are undermined.
remember how you felt
back in december?
feelings of then
will teach you
when it happens again.
so please,
learn from my death and me.
save the one for whose life
can be foreseen.
and lastly,
make me a promise,
never
ever
forget.
always
remember
december.

I woke up today,
Wanting to cry,
If only I could get her back,
My subconcious mind cant help but try,
and dream of ways to make my dream come true,

But every time it happens, I wake up wanting to die,
I'll never get her back, I know,
It wouldn't work even if I did,
I guess that is the ultimate sign of failure,
Abandoning the love of your life,
Every time you wake up.