I find it interesting how every letter
that inks from pen to paper
knows exactly what it stands for
and successfully represents
as an individual.
Yet,
continually has the humility
to serve with others to achieve a high purpose
much bigger than themselves.
If only we could say the same about the writer.

I wonder in a hundred years
What people will say of Beverly Hills
Will they speak of it like the Romans
or Hollywood in it's hayday?
or will they speak at all
Will it all just fade away.
Will the dresses be remembered
and lunches skipped be praised?
The ones that do not lift a finger
Only eyebrows they raise
behind their shades.

I wish to be the Pac Man to your soul;
eating away all of the small daily problems on your heart,
and taking care of the big ones too.
I want to turn the ever-present dangers in your life
To ghosts of the past,
and chase those away as long as I can
So that you might see the
fruits of the spirit hidden away at the center of your being
without the distraction
of the fear
and pain
that once surrounded it.
And when it's all cleared,
and you see yourself as I always have
I want to dive deeper
and begin again.

Let's start our life. Let's go buy little home in a small town with a white picket fence and front porch swing. Let's have neighbors that only know me by your last name. You can be the town policeman, and handyman on the weekends and I can write for the newspaper, and make poetry about you. We'll spend our days loving each other, making big jars of sweet tea, trying to cook with fresh fruits and vegetables from our garden out back and going to the one Dairy Queen in town when we fail miserably. Let's laugh at our mistakes over chocolate dipped cones. Let's melt away afternoons dancing barefoot through our kitchen, and evenings camping in our backyard. Let's paint the house blue, and then repaint it because of how many times it led to making love on an empty bedroom floor. Let's buy vanilla scented candles from the grandmotherly figure up the road. Let's do it. You and me. And one day, I will be in the kitchen making a sandwich in one of your sweatshirts, and I'll come into the room to find you sitting on the floor. I won't ask, but give a half laugh and slide down beside you, quietly, so as not to break the daze you're in, and I'll join whatever world you've gone into. As we sit in silence, you can hear the soft pitter of rain on our roof. We'll look at each other with peace, and I'll mirror the smile you're beginning to show, because we know. We have it. You will grab me and spin me around until we collapse and laugh in sheer giddiness. We'll eat our sandwiches right there on the floor and fall into an afternoon nap. And it will all truly be, alright. Can you imagine living in that high of a frequency, in blissful euphoria with the love of you and your soulmate that God himself put in you, surrounding you wholly?

I've formed this gun from the pains of my past
It's loaded with fear,
There is no safety.
I draw at first sign of danger,
and you terrify me.
Finger on the trigger
You kiss the barrel
The bullet turns to a petal
and there is growth
Where I've only seen destruction.

Lately
I wear matching socks
On my feet
Ending at the ankle
Not at the knee
Where they used to be.
Laundry clean
All dishes sparkling
My apartments pristine
My car windshield bug-free
Not a single fast food wrapper
In the passenger seat
and my gas gauge never falls below
Half empty.
I no longer find enjoyment in
My life mirroring a circus
Everything has a place
And is fully fulfilling its purpose.
Most take my orderliness
As ambitiousness
A testament to
My diligence
When it's simply a need
For my life and mind to be
An antithesis.

I fear I will float away
from swallowing
thought bubbles
trying to escape
out of my mouth
on the wave
of deep breathes
in
being with you
make me take.

I woke up in a new chapter today
A new wind
From the north
Rolled in
Blowing my attempts to keep you at bay
And giving my heart away.

I know I should be scared
Cause I'd sworn off vulnerability
But the smoke smell off your jacket
That's laid on my bed since you lent it to me
Must be clouding up my senses
Cause I'm not considering running a possibility.
All I can think is "we" are a happily ever after opportunity.

I used to play this game with guys
Try and find their flaws
Cause then I could convince myself
The waters too high to cross.

Understand for me
This is new territory
I mean, you fell right out of my
Perfect love story.
I would swear off guys
Claiming I was looking for someone
like you
Never really thinking my standards
Would hold true
I shot for the impossible
Thinking no one would compare
I'd be alone and never hurt
Cause in love and war alls fair.

when you  came in and knocked me off my perfectly laid out plan
I braced to feel the floor on my back-
Instead I felt your hand.

So this message is to show you
All my walls are down
I've cleared the debris
For you and me
Building our little brick cottage
And white picket fence around.

What do you do when your heroes die?
And human nature comes alive
Allowing faults to thrive
when you grow up and realize
What you idolize
You no longer recognize
Staring into their eyes.

When you come to terms
That all that you've earned
To grasp acceptance you'll never find
Is from someone that only exists in your mind
The one you allowed to be your  eyes bc they convinced you you were blind? They lied
It was all contrived.

You've been deprived
But you survived.
A puppet no longer,
You
Have
arrived.

so many times I've treated men
as a green light.
Passing them over
without as much of a nod
Too submerged
in my own music
and simply
enjoying
the wind
from my unrolled
windows
feeling
the goodness
of the ride
I have
no intention of stopping.

Others I have
seen as
a passing yellow.
I slow
take notice
but ultimately
make it through.
My journey
can't be interrupted
by annoying yellows.

And then there is red.
My Red.
stopped me.
my destination
lost importance
the allure of the deep
passionate
alluring
demanding
Red.
The wind stopped.
I didn't mind.
The song ended.
I hadn't noticed.
An Interruption
of everything else I knew.
Showed me
How much I had missed.

Where does the red go?
when it too soon turns to green again.
I wanted to wait there.
curse the other colors until I found the red.
but so many others behind me
pushing me on my way.
I relented.
I regret it.

next time there is a red.
Ill run it.

I seek to own and never rent
Loving another is time wisely spent
Not on temporary relations that next month could take away
But as an investment growing richer  each passing day
         -Devyn

I dreamt of you again today
The way you used to be
Back When the light would never leave your eyes
Back when you promised to never leave me.

I dreamt of you again today
my brain has yet to get the news
That I tell my heart every day
That I'm over you.

I won't give up you pledged to me
So I stood by your side, watched you turn 19
teenAge years are meant for discovering
I decided to go a wanderin
And somewhere along the way
You let go of my hand to stay
In the memories we already made
I dream of us loving in sun
Dear why are you sulking in the shade?

I blame you
And you blame me
But it was true love
Is where we both agree
Just wasnt meant to be

In the pictures
you will see of me
with the familiar
twinkle
in my eye,
know I'm thinking
of tracing
the half circles
that come out to
play
on each side of your
face
when I have amused your
cheeks
enough to rise,
charmed your lips
to part,
just enough
for mine
to fill the space.
know I'm remembering
the way your laugh
*felt.

I love you forever, but forever can be taken so loosely these days, used as a malapropism on too many occasions, Let me divulge my intentions of the words love and forever, laid to rest to never be stirred evermore; side by side as our great ancestors are laid eternally next to their spouse even after life has left their bodies :
The world of words defines love as this:
”an intense feeling of deep affection”
and forever as such:
"For all future time; for always"
So might I tell you
"For always I have felt an intense feeling of deep affection and will continue for all future time"
Would you understand?
No, because it is not enough.
The dwellers in the world of words do not comprehend that which extends far beyond the strength of words, but I am persistent in showing you how deep my feelings truly are.
   Our lives are like two young daisies, just budding but whose stems are undoubtedly growing, winding around each other.
For you and I are personified in the seeds, and love is the water, the Great Creator being the sun.
Does that picture do it justice? No, still life images cannot contain love, that is constantly growing and moving in the depths of the beholder.  
So what of films that capture movement, a showing of what dwells in us?
Then we would be the greatest love story any eye has ever come across, with eyes afire at the sight of the other, with passionate kisses that make the audience swoon, and smiles that warm the hearts of everyone that receives it, knowing it is but a smile reserved for only the one I love, for my Heart.
But no, not even a film could Correctly explain the layered home of love.
For the inner workings of the Mind is an unknown world to the working of the physical showings such as film.
Like the thoughts and feelings inside me that tingle when your hands are holding my face, or when your hand in mine only feels right, or how badly I Dont ever want to leave when the clock has become my enemy once again, beckoning me away from the soul that makes mine worth anything. Or how overcome my thoughts and body are when my cold temperature is changed to warm when I am cuddled into the crevices of your shape I’ve engrained into my memory. Or the dreams that are a clear reflection of my every want and need…my Heart.
Yes I think that’s it, I’ll spend my hours when communication with you is unavailable thinking of ways to present my mind to you, filled to the brim of memories of us, my hopes and dreams of us. For my definition of Love is:
"a way of living, so strong it can overcome all obstacles, be it time or fear or pain, love can overcome". So my Heart, I love you, forever.
Always and Forever,
Dev

Heavy arms
holding a new born
heavy mind
holding it together
nineteen
aspiring model

Broken promises
He swore he'd put the bottle down
broken heart
As you packed us up to leave town

shotgun bride
turned young divorcee
don't waste any tears
crying for your baby
I can't wait for you
to see:

The plans God has for you
and your daughter
we meet a man
that can withstand
the pressure of being a father

You turned your life around
the night you refused
to turn the car around

and twenty years later
it's still you and me
oh mama, we grew up fast
didn't we?


P.S.
A young marine will ask
to take us out for pizza
and later for us to be his.
Dear, mom...
say yes.

I want
to want
what you
want me
to want.
But willing
oneself
to want
won' t work.
And what
about what
I want?

With honesty
hiding under that
Big breathe filling both cheeks
That you can’t seem to
Fully exhale through
Tucked between
Two shaking hands
As you realize
Your power
To change the world

With vulnerability,
Just behind that
Wall Of fear that you can
Unlock
By meeting someone eyes
And simply letting them
Love you.
It’s there
In that moment
Of admittance You're not
Invincible
And allow a
Loving hand
To help guide you
Through

With Forgiveness,
Of the woman
Who told you
You couldn’t,
The dad
That chose alcohol
Over you,
The girl
In middle school
That had you hiding
In the bathroom stall
Crying to your mom

With Christ,
Who has felt
It all
Gives you
A place
Where you’ve always belonged
Of love
Courage,
And Strengrh.
Healing,
Redemption,
And understanding.

The light
sneaks
through my curtains
new love
sneaks
into my heart
the first
tries to wake me
by warming my skin
but doesn't know
the latter
has set me afire
There's no way
I could ever
sleep again.

your laugh
booked a one way flight
it found a new home
the place that it
all along
belonged.

There's something
about giggling
all night
and your
smile
mirroring mine
that cuts through this
overcast morning
making me tip toe
in circles matching
my thoughts
across my floor
to a love song
thats played in
my head
every since you looked at me
in that way.

I want to be
Saturated in you
and simultaneously
run away.
I want you to not
get to me
and hang on every word
you say.
You're eyes are
where I'll lay
my heart to rest.
I tip toe around all these
feelings
and categorize them under
blessed.
Blessed our spark reaches half a
world away.
Kisses to London
sincerely
Marina Del Rey.