Dostoevsky
you feed my nerves
and delight my mind
I think for you
inspire me so
I am not an insect
nor man
for I am no fool
I acknowledge I am nothing
and delight in that fact
I can exist like a scholar
if my only goal
is just to be
Dostoevsky
I am underground

The rain pangs loudly
against my window as I
cry in time with it

It is the summer that burns my heart
so pure
a virgins soul clean of touch
but a soiled heart broken and used
so artisticaly done
and willingly accepted
the memories of touches past
seer  upon my mind far beyond
the words on the page
the look of pure ink

Your angel kiss is my muse
your lips my ground to
grow from
my roots have planted with your own
you are my own
and I your willing
willing repeat
willing constituent
willing sea
willing
to wait
to kiss your wounds
and lap at your words that have captured my devotion
you are my story
the shape of my nerves
I feel you in each breath
you are my own and I wish
for nothing more

For ***** sake it's early
I don't know who half these people are
okay now we're hugging have I met you before
stop looking at my *****
stop it
eyes up Neanderthals
this is stupid so many young people
are they annoying or am I just cynical
probably a happy mix of the two
am I the oldest person in here what is this
If it starts raining while i'm outside I will cry
and now it's raining
Oh more hugs
seriously who are you people
Econeconeconecon oh that girl hates me I hope she isn't in my class
She is
and so is my brothers ex who hates me
and she is staring at me like I am the **** of the earth
econeconecon wait what?
I don't like econ take me home
why have I done this to myself?
And there is the stress
ohgod song stuck in my head
go away
well it's a good song at least
I'M SINKING LIKE A STONE IN THE SEA!
I wonder if anyone in here listens to nice music
maybe I should try to make a friend
I should make more friends since most people are still angry at me
or I could sit here and hope they all go away
I like that plan
Okay now trig and there is BEST FRIEND HI BEST FRIEND SAVE ME FROM THESE PEOPLE
The **** do you mean we learned this in algebra
yup i'm skrewed might as well just die now
wait is that kid Italian
he is Italian from Italy what is happening hello
I want to listen to him talk shut up trig I just want to listen to Italy over there
he is smiling at me oh jesus take the wheel
he is probably just amuzed by my extreme level of paleness wait nope he is looking at my *****
done with you Italy go away
trigtrigrigtrig
WHYYYYYYYY GOD, SHOW YOUR HAND
and time for lit
I need sleep or coffee or death
litlitlitlitlit oh this is fun wait that girl hates me doesn't she
yup i'm **** again
I just want to go home
and I really want to play pokemon why do I want to play so bad nope no bad theme song go away no you stop it right now- POKEMON! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND IN A WORLD WE MUST DEFEND
Why can't I be a wizard
Is that the bell
yay school

I bought some leather pants today
pleather, to be exact
they were cheep, but what I wanted
They fit tight on my legs and loose on my hips
they cling to my nonexistent ****
and make me feel **** for the first time in my life
and  somehow they make me feel rebellious
and less invisible
If I wear them to school tomorrow will they all stare?
I hope so
I need someone to notice me

signs
they're real
they're always there
nothing is a coincidence
I miss you
I call
you've moved on
without guilt
you don't miss me
and thats okay
because you deserve everything good in this world
you deserve to be happy
but it still stings to know
i'm just a phonecall
thats my sign
to get over you
get over myself
move on
stop crying like some stupid little girl
who had her favorite toy taken
move on
******* it
why can't I move on
it's because you're still real
still here in my mind
but for you,
no matter what you say,
science proves it
i'm just a phone call

I feel artistic tonight
meaning a mess
I feel like a true poet
who knows of tie dye emotions;
heartbreak within passion
and sorrow for missing someone I haven't lost
well, yet

I feel it creeping
the urge to bleed
to drink scotch
to wear tight leather pants
and tee shirts or ripped tops
or some dress that leaves little to the imagination
with a corset and a garter underneath
matched with towering heels or thigh high boots
I want to skip town
to kiss new men and ladies
to rouge my lips and cheeks
to cut my hair short
or grow it so long
to cut my arms deep
and buy a motorcycle
and date a guy who smokes
who swirls gin
who always takes charge
has no problem making decisions
and outwardly looks down on me
who calls me young and naive
and loves me that way
and says i'm sexier for my innocence and youth
and is much older
and flaunts that he could leave
who pulls my hair hard
and picks me up with ease
and kisses my neck
with smoke rich on his tongue
and likes me better in flats so he can feel even taller and stronger
and who keeps an arm around me when we go out
so that everyone knows i'm his girl
and loves to kiss me on the subway and relishes in the looks we get
and looks at other women
But he loves me
and knows what i'm worth
even if he wont say it
he needs to miss me when I leave him
when I skip town again
he will miss my voice
my kisses
the sweet words I use
my laugh
my body
the way I move
what I do when the lights are out
and how he let out some ****** deviant from within me
And the simplicity of my love you's
how nothing in our relationship was a show
I want to break outwardly
to make these mistakes
to stop clinging so much
to the past
to ideals of true love
to my virginity
and everything i'm told to want
I want to wear black instead of pastels
and bleach my hair white
and make the boys want me
for once, let them want me
I feel the urge creeping  
but instead I will stay home
slippers on my feet
Earl Grey in my hands
record scratching out some Fleetwood
with my sweet flowery clothing clinging to nothing
I'll do my yoga
clean my room
and finish all my homework
I'll call my boyfriend who loves me dearly
who I think I love, though others tell me that is not so
because I want for a different life
though I deny that he needs to become my life
I'll write some poem about human nature
and tell my perfect boyfriend not to smoke
I won't tell him how hot smoking is
I will spend time with my parents
do some more yoga
take my anti depressants
do the exercises my therapist told me to do  
and wish I could change my life

In this brand new world
with brand new rules
of passion play and war crimes
treaties blind trust
and kisses rake the coals
to stir up a flame in a once civil tongue
and that flame can burn but not to the nerves
only to leave scar on my memories and opinions
of you and you
you are gone from my mind once I finish this poem
because you are not worth the reaction in my blood
but you are worth the time it took to write these lines
because it's only kind to say goodbye
So goodbye and be safe
but never call me again

I am not good at breathing
everything I see catches in my throat
and causes anxiety to hold my air
i've always been like that
but it's been worse these last few years
until I met you and I swear something cleared
Until I talked to you and I had to worry again
because you
you were perfect and how could I breathe when I had to replay what I had said to you that day
and let my mistakes keep me up all night
breathing is not important when I have thoughts to think
and cringes to feel
and tears to cry
and worries to have
and lists to make
and
and
and
and
and
stop
I stopped talking because you were in love and that is fine
because I was too worried about finals to remember that I even had feelings
so I forgot about you and had the worst summer of my life
as my scars can attest to
and I worried more that summer
about meaningless things than I ever have
I worried so much that I was thrown in to therapy and given pills to swallow
my head cleared but my chest still ached with that pit thats also a knot
Then I met someone and we were fine
but he never understood my kind of crazy and didn't like
how my hands would shake so much I couldn't hold his hand
and how I constantly pulled on the neckless he gave me until it eventually broke
and even after it broke I would scratch at where it hung because that helped me somehow
and how I couldn't kiss him goodbye if I was wearing lipstick because if it smudged oh god
and that I always looked down when I talked to him
and
and
and
and
and
and
and
stop
so we broke up and that's fine because I was never right for him
and things were quiet for a bit
then you
you told me you liked me and I swear I held my breath until you kissed me

and when you pulled away
I could breathe
there were no "and's"
and I wasn't fine I was wonderful
but then you had to leave for school
and I waited for my breath to catch
and bad lists to start
and it happened for a minute
but then I could breathe wonderfully again
because even though you left I still feel happy to have had you
even if it was just for a few weeks
you kissed me
and I believed you when you said nice things
and I could hold your hand
and look at you when I spoke
and I wasn't scared
and had no vices
and I didn't have to stop my lists because they were good lists
for the first time in my life
I could breathe

The Scientist makes sense
because this isn't easy
and I am not ready for you to go
so take us back

you're not even gone yet
but you are already haunting me
through the waisted years
when we should have been as we are now

but I know that isn't true
now is perfect because we are finally who we need to be
not to be right for each other
but to just be right

Is it wrong for me to wish
for more time to kiss your lips
and hold your hand
and just to talk
because I love your voice
and the things you say
make me impossibly happy
you make me so **** happy

maybe it's right that you are leaving
maybe i'm just some filler and your perfect girl is waiting for you
and this is exactly what is supposed to happen
or maybe this is karma
finding it's way back to me
In my past lives I must have been the most despicable of beings
because loosing you just when things feel wonderful
is the worst punishment i've yet endured

I want all of the years back
I want them exactly the same
I just want to watch them over
because I need more time with you
I want to see you for the first time
because I don't even remember meeting you
you were just there
and you haven't been gone from my thoughts since
I want the fresh sting of my freshman year
when I was just some weird girl who couldn't say anything right
I want the end of that year
when I cried because I knew you wouldn't talk to me all summer
because you were in love and I was still strange
I want to remember that kind of pining
the kind that was all what ifs and imagination
I want that moment when we became friends
and nothing more
I want to remember what it was like to just be your friend
but I don't want to linger there
and I want that night when you told me you liked me
so I can feel that jolt run through me once more
And God I want today
I want it to never end
I want you with me, kissing me
and telling me everything is real
I want it all back and I never want to forget

no one ever said it would be this hard
please take me back to the start

I thank the universe each night for the stars
because I know you will always be under them
at the exact moment i find myself
laying awake beneath them
wishing you were here to share my blanket
but no
I would hate for you to see me crying

I'm so sorry
my heart won't beat
it's fallen deep inside
And how are you?
With your whole pieces
Not shattered or broken
No you're fine
And some days I think
I'm dying
and God knows i'm trying
not to cry
But why wouldn't I
when you're so **** perfect
with your bright eyes
and simple words
and body that he wants
So don't look my way
don't mind my fall
you're perfect how you are
don't cry for me
when I die
just lay a flower down
And kiss him for me

I long for the adventure
the taste of your lips
the venture of your skin
the abandonment of your ecstasy

I need for your touch
be it sensual or friendly
to be in your arms is the greatest pleasure
your eyes the most beautiful reward

I crave all that you are
each stolen glance brings me pain
a beautiful pain full of need
That of which I feel nothing else

I think on you often
The rough lilt of your  voice
The penetrating quality of your stare
I adore your idiosyncratic personality

I lust after your need
It is a beautiful thing
when you tell me you need me
I almost believe you

I wallow in the shame of a want so deep
I accept my desire
I tell you silently of it each day
I need you to hear me as I inwardly shout

I love you

I found a poem from you
tucked between two books on my shelf
I don't remember putting it there
but there it was
your penmanship marked the envelope
and it was titled
This Belongs to You
And I smiled as I read it
for how cliche it was
how simple the rhyme scheme
and overused the lines were
at the bottom was a note from you
declaring your never ending love
and how your heart would always be mine
The last thing it said was that
you would never hurt me
and you don't know how much that made me laugh
because you did hurt me
in every intimate way you knew you could
every word you knew never to say to me
you screamed
when I asked you to stop you just kept going
but thats nothing new since you never understood what no meant
you laughed at me when you heard my voice catch
and you said you were happy I was crying
since you could never smile when I did
you called me unstable
and you certainly made me feel it
I nearly killed myself that night
when you said you told him I was a worthless ****
and that he told you he would never go near me again
and that he never acually cared about me
I was within a fraction of death
and the only thing that stopped me
was knowing that it was what you wanted me to do
you made things personal  babe
so let me reiterate the last words I ever said to you
*******

Your kisses were perfect
a mix between sweet pecks that I smile for
and rough passion so raw that I shiver wonderfully at the memory
the line your mouth traced brought gasps to my own
and each bite soothed by a kiss left a mark that I adore
though i've dreamt of the specifics
and thought endlessly of your lips
nothing could prepare me for how wonderful
you and your kisses are
and your hands
they are perfect
in their wandering way
each touch sent a heat wave through my body
and it was all I could do not to moan rather obscenely
and you
you called me beautiful
and looked in to my eyes
and smiled
and flirted
and held my hand
and ran your fingers through my awful hair
and you made me feel
wonderful

I have something for you
something ugly that you deserve
my fist your face
that sounds about right
Because honey I forgive
but ***** I don't forget

Why hold he hilt of your swords as if
poised
to strike, to blow
To live in that anticipation is a faulty life

man
upon the precipice of greatness will always turn
always falter
for the hand upon the hilt holds tighter then it's counterpart feathering the treaty

The brand upon your hat shows nothing but the fact that you
man
are among the masked
shown is your ideals of what goodness is but hidden is your role
are you significant
as each man must be
or are you no man at all
are you but a child playing the only game you know?

You are a prowler nonetheless
in the corridors of someones mind you
crowd their visage with your own
you
who favors the sword to the treaty you
are one of the decisions given power
to create more
or to **** it off with a rise of your hand

I want to
give up
and give in
exhale
and inhale
you in
I want you
I've wanted you
I said it was my stranger
but I don't believe that anymore
Now it's real
and you,
It's you
I don't care anymore
if it could work
or not
I know you don't want to
Because it's complicated
And you would feel guilty
but God
we should
Should do what
I don't know
all I know
All I want
is your lips
on mine
on me
until we have to pull away
Because honey bunch,
you are sweet like sugar

Oh my
I know you want me
i'm such a pretty mess
a painted doll with bright green eyes
and cuts that you can mend
I bat my eyes so cutely
when i'm trying not to cry
I turn my head and you grab me
Still in poised and in my dress

and what you see's not what you get

Because i'm no prize my dear
and I fall down when I cry
because my body shakes so horribly
and i'll always ask you why
why you care about my health my mind
and why you care to look at me
when my eyes are red and swollen
and i'm trying not to bleed
My lipstick smears away
across my face and on my hands
I will push you I will fight you
ball my fists up and i'll scream
till you can't stand the thought of me
and I slump down in defeat
because i'm no doll and I don't play
i'm just a little mess
a formerly pretty girl with scars on her legs
and sweetie
scars don't mend

my blood is blue ink
not black not red
but blue
free flowing ink
that needs to be
splattered
upon the page
its lust for paper burns its casing
that does not show its full majesty
blue ink flows freely through my veins
and I wish to let it go

I think of you each night
How silly of me
To breath deeply in the memories
Enough to get me high
And as I float in disbelief
I crash in to my wonderwall
Did you hope that I would crash?
Did you know that I would burn?
With want and need
And with the prideful shame
Of knowing I could make you feel
Did you know each time I read your words
I sit down just to breath
To ease away the feelings
That want to ruin our cotton flirtation
But cotton burns
And i'm setting it on fire
With my strategy of crash and burn
Because I will wish away the pain of time
And I will cry for our circumstance
But I will never appologize for wanting you

Could I ***** us up more?
Doubtful my love
Seeing as you haven't noticed, i'll let you know;
I don't know what i'm doing

It's been seven or so months
Three break downs
one breakup
and one day where we got back together

I broke when we broke
I cried for you and for me
but for different reasons
I cried for me because I hurt you and you because you hurt

I only cried once for missing you
I felt it
I ate the feeling whole
But i only let it leave me once

So what does that mean
it means you should hate me
before I ***** us up worse
because, seeing as you haven't noticed, I am a bad girl for you.

I'll break your heart with the words I say
the honest ones that you hate
The ones that tell you we're so **** young
and the future is so far away

When I tell you i'm scared of long distance because,
lets face it, how will that work?
I'll see you once a month maybe while you're at college
with girls and boys who will want you

And I want you to want them so what does that say?
Should I think that while i'm your girlfriend?
I just want you happy and healthy and fulfilled
and I don't know how I can do that for you

Remember when we got back together?
The stipulation of it all?
You would wait for me to catch up to you
but i think you forgot about that

Or maybe it was a miscommunication
You thought those few days we weren't together
helped me to grow and prepare myself
for what you want as your eternity.  

But I don't want the same as you want for us
I want to pass my AP US History exam
and get a high A in math
and I would like to spend time with my best friend who hates you

And you want us to live happily ever after
but that vague notion isn't enough
it needs to be a plan, written out
a plan that sounds sweet but poisoned us once.

And if it comes back why do you think
it won't be poison again?
I can see you bringing it back to us now
trusting it all so blindly.

I love you my dear as far as i'm aware
though I have been told several times over
that what I feel is not love
i'm not even near to it yet

So if that is true, let me restate it;
I care for you the most that I can
the most I have ever
and the most I will for a while

I hope that is enough for you
because deities know I want you to be happy
And you say I make you the happiest you have ever been
so instead of letting that scare me, I will try to be flattered.

If I could catch myself
save my tears from heaving
from racking my chest about
I would kiss you
With a passion so deep
it is not in the kiss
but in my eyes.
The green fades as
the black spreads
showing off my lust.
The lust I would feel
if I could manage
to kiss you

I need you
Doctor
i'm a sad little girl with a crack in my wall
but i'm no Amy
I haven't got the guts
or the fire
i'm just scared
and I need you
Doctor
i've a dull life
missing something fantastic
but i'm no Rose
I could never make you
or anyone
love me
but I need you,
Doctor
to come and make me feel grand
to stop me hurting and hating myself
make me your Donna but
never let me forget
how beautiful you are
and I need you,
Doctor
to come save the day
but i'm no Martha
i'm not brave enough to walk away

my name is Devon
I need my Doctor
to come whisk me away
from this place that hurts
I need you to hold me
and save the day

Please,
Doctor

I woke up in a fort
with war ringing in my ears
and blood kissing at my feet
begging me to let it go
but i have signed my treaty
with the friendly line
who swore war upon my demons
and
though it may be thicker
ink is better than blood

I went to my doctor yesterday
I filled out the forms
Did  the questionnaire
And smiled
Because I felt better!
Not good,
But so much better than my first visit
My mum was upset
Because I still feel suicidal
But I told her it's less than before
And I smiled
Because I felt better
Then the doctor came in
Asked how I felt
And I told her I felt better
She frowned at me
And said thats not true
The forms say i'm still a mess
She told me my meds need to stay how they are
For at least another six months
Maybe stronger than now
But we would check later
And she reminded me
I'm not better

You are a fluid definition of a reinvented word
in a reinvented world
you were my one that got away
then skinny love
always wonderwall
and now you're away again
you're my full circle drawn with a shaking hand
that couldn't connect the start to the end
we were always a broken wind up that was worth the tick during the song
we started broken now we're here
with something real that would have been beautiful
if the timing were different
But it was worth the pain
and I will miss you forever
because you're my sun
and i'm your moon
you light me up so bright

so have a grand time but please keep me in the stars
because if you ever want me
i'll likely be looking at them
wishing I could be there with you

These pages are stars
that burn blue as I write
Your eyes are black
with lust and the strain of the night
and you
you are feverish
coupled with an itch
to stretch and bend
to shake the dusts hand
then grab for what you want

Sweet bird
Fly away
Don't fall for my tricks

Sweet bird
Fly away
Deny the sway of my hips

Sweet bird
Please believe me
I'm not the girl you want

Sweet bird
It's to late
The turn of my hips
The bounce of my breast
The stretch of my legs
The green of my bedroom eyes
And my sweet ****** flirtation
Has caught you  

And all that you see
Sweet bird
Will **** you like the rest

I could be your soul
and I know why we should
cuddle beneath the stars
because it feels right
and even if just for the night
let me be your soul

I JUST CAN'T DO THIS
I AM SO FRUSTRATED
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT
I AM SO STRESSED THAT I FEEL THAT **** PIT IN MY CHEST
I CAN'T BREATH ANYMORE
FOR ***** SAKE I STARTED HYPERVENTILATING WHEN I GOT BACK MY MATH QUIZ
I'M SOBBING OVER MY ASSIGNMENTS FOR ECON AND FOR TRIG
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M CRYING
I KNOW I'M LONELY AND I KNOW I'M STRESSED BUT THATS NOT IT
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'M SO **** FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE
SO IF SOMEONE WANTS TO COME TO MY HOUSE
AND HOLD ME WHILE I CRY
ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS
please

We are meant for more
not just wanderers
we are destined to move with a purpose

How we run has a pattern
yet to be discovered
Our intentions are unknown to our own souls

Nothing is aimless
all we do has a great purpose
that of which I do not know.

I stood nearly naked in my yard this morning
facing the woods I let the world become me
and I felt it all
wind whipping my hair in to knots
grass tickling my knees
sun pouring unto my canvas skin
I breathed in all that is
was
and can ever be
it was infinite
and so powerful
I closed my eyes
and allowed my senses to guide me to the end of the earth
upon finding it
the universe grabbed my hand roughly
pulling me in to it's welcoming arms
and kissed me fiercely
then pushed me away
only to pull me in once more

I had to **** us
if I hadn't we
would have suffocated
underneath our masks

I wish I loved you
how I should have
you were everything
I wanted to want

I wish I was ready
for everything you gave me
you were the best I could dream of
but I guess I don't want perfect

I want horrible pain
I want ecstasy and passion
I want a gin swirling romance
scented with cigarette smoke

Or maybe I should be alone
I don't understand how
love works since
I couldn't feel how you felt

I'm sorry my first love
You changed me, you made me
you broke me, you kissed me
with a passion that scared me lifeless

The splendor of existence
pains the wearer as we
grow but cannot shed
the cloak we hath been swathed in  

We wish to change
calamity to kindness
poverty to prosperity
a broken mask for simple powder

Picked for us
is the robe we bear
from birth till  death
we must remain how we are

Lest we can find
the switch in life
that provides one with the opportunity
to be all we dream of being

We wear what fits the changing
tides that remain the same
the metaphors of life
forever remains inside us

Ill matched by all is the disappointment
Coursing through your heart you close
Your eyes to the world
Begging a silent forgiveness

You wish for a change
Your love sick heart can feel no more
Lest you wish to throw it all
To the waiting abyss

And what is the state of this aforementioned nothing?
It is yearning
It is lonely
It is nothing

In your emptiness you feel as that black hole does
Wishing to bring all in
But when at last you grasp something
It dies

You say you can't want me
Because you have trouble breathing
When your head is under water
And it's your own hand pushing you under
I knew it all before
and I didn't expect much
but then you called me beautiful
why would you call me beautiful?
And **** I think you're beautiful

I feel it tonight
All of the empty touches
From memories gone to rest

I sometimes forget what it is
that I don't like about school
there is the stress
and the people
and the early hours
and sleepless nights for homework
but I can live with that
what it is that I don't like
is that it stops my creativity
and holds words in my head
since all day I have to sensor my
speech
thoughts
actions
laughs
and even my smiles
thats what I don't like about school
it stops me from being a poet

Promise me you will never stop holding on
be it to life or love or the great perhaps
never let go
Because the worst pain known to man
grows from the void of nothing
and I can't watch you hurt
because I love you in infinite bounds
that will never be matched
except by the love you can offer
once you love yourself

If I have to break, let it be quietly
Let me turn from it all, without a mention
Until I am gone, don't speak of me
A selfless break will bring the long awaited peace

If I have to break, let me vanish
For years to come I am a phantom
A shadow of the abyss
An empty memory to those who broke the doll

If I have to break, let me be on stage
A stage of my creation
That empty stage with a spotlight
An empty theatre to compleat the scene

If I have to break, let it be painless
Yes, there is fear
A fear of the something, of feeling
A case not visible where I have been

If I have to break, let the world remember me fondly
Let them smile on my memory
As the years pass
Let them cry

If I have to break, let it be soon.

I find peace in rain drops
I wish to be like them
after they fall they bring life
and life brings hope

hope is all i'm hoping to be

Wish I may
wish I might
be the dream
you dream tonight
while I cry
over thoughts of you
not  fully formed
not ever through
I hope the lights
are gifts from you
but they turn before
the gift comes through
I can't count the times
I spent the night
wishing you were here
but instead I fight
the demons laying
by my side
who grew from wishes
I can't hide
you know i'm yours
and you made me fear
that you would forget
i'm waiting here
and fears come true
tonight it seems
that forgetting me
wasn't a dark dream
so wish I may
wish I might
be the dream
you remember tonight

Four AM words fall the easiest
no inhibition with the drunken night
just urges to act on and cuts to mend
It's easy to slip in to the four AM patter
where everything is *** and self loathing
and above all else it is poetry
not for the pure at heart
or those comfortable in life
day time is for them
Four AM is for broken hearts
and broken skin
for insomniacs
and maniacs
for the music
and for me

Get out your silver bullets
stab my heart with a stake
chase me dawn with a pitchfork
crush me till my bones break
because try as I may
I can't drown in my tears
but what I can ****
are these knots with me fears
And the pills to my lips
all crash to the ground
and each of these guns
are all out of rounds
Call me an anomaly
and laugh as I cry
because despite my best efforts
I'm the girl who can't die

I want bones to flaunt
hip bones
colar bone
cheek bones
ribs
I want the world to see me
thin
happy elagant
beautiful
so unlike myself.

Come on skinny love, just tell me so
I'm waiting here and all the world,
they seem to know

My dearest friend just hold me close tonight
Sleep neath the moon far from the world
Until we see the light

If you don't mind i'll share this night with you
this night and those forever to come
as those in love will do

And this love I thought you would dismiss
prove me wrong and in this moment, finally
let us share a kiss

I will lay red
with three letters
in one syllable
list fast and harsh the
lines as follows
dark bore from my soul
inadvertently so
eventually creating the vertical

I decided to be Whitman
but somehow turned small
and closed myself off
I started writing of myself, not the world
I grew nervous of having my work read
I preferred to die in ambiguity
rather than face judgement
Let my works grow from these roots
upon my final breath
Somewhere along the line
I became Dickinson