I found a poem from you
tucked between two books on my shelf
I don't remember putting it there
but there it was
your penmanship marked the envelope
and it was titled
This Belongs to You
And I smiled as I read it
for how cliche it was
how simple the rhyme scheme
and overused the lines were
at the bottom was a note from you
declaring your never ending love
and how your heart would always be mine
The last thing it said was that
you would never hurt me
and you don't know how much that made me laugh
because you did hurt me
in every intimate way you knew you could
every word you knew never to say to me
you screamed
when I asked you to stop you just kept going
but thats nothing new since you never understood what no meant
you laughed at me when you heard my voice catch
and you said you were happy I was crying
since you could never smile when I did
you called me unstable
and you certainly made me feel it
I nearly killed myself that night
when you said you told him I was a worthless ****
and that he told you he would never go near me again
and that he never acually cared about me
I was within a fraction of death
and the only thing that stopped me
was knowing that it was what you wanted me to do
you made things personal  babe
so let me reiterate the last words I ever said to you
*******

I think i've gotten it back
my power
my strut
the sway of my hips
and sharp lines of my looks
have returned to me
just because of tonight
tonight was fantastic
my knuckles bled from the strength behing my punches
my core ached from holding technique so firmly
I saw stars with each kick
and it was amazing
but above all else
I  am  **back

I JUST CAN'T DO THIS
I AM SO FRUSTRATED
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT
I AM SO STRESSED THAT I FEEL THAT **** PIT IN MY CHEST
I CAN'T BREATH ANYMORE
FOR ***** SAKE I STARTED HYPERVENTILATING WHEN I GOT BACK MY MATH QUIZ
I'M SOBBING OVER MY ASSIGNMENTS FOR ECON AND FOR TRIG
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M CRYING
I KNOW I'M LONELY AND I KNOW I'M STRESSED BUT THATS NOT IT
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'M SO **** FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE
SO IF SOMEONE WANTS TO COME TO MY HOUSE
AND HOLD ME WHILE I CRY
ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS
please

This is one of those days
where I know i'm dying
and that there is a blade in my drawer
I just couldn't throw away
that coud help to speed up the process
Someone asked me how I am so happy all the time
they said they wish they could be more like me
and god that makes me feel so guilty
like i've somehow made a standard in someones life
that what I am is happy
but they can never attain what I am
because i'm a fake smile
and one more bad day away from dying
because
of all the things screaming at me in my head
the only ones I clearly hear
are the ones telling me to do it

I sometimes forget what it is
that I don't like about school
there is the stress
and the people
and the early hours
and sleepless nights for homework
but I can live with that
what it is that I don't like
is that it stops my creativity
and holds words in my head
since all day I have to sensor my
speech
thoughts
actions
laughs
and even my smiles
thats what I don't like about school
it stops me from being a poet

For ***** sake it's early
I don't know who half these people are
okay now we're hugging have I met you before
stop looking at my *****
stop it
eyes up Neanderthals
this is stupid so many young people
are they annoying or am I just cynical
probably a happy mix of the two
am I the oldest person in here what is this
If it starts raining while i'm outside I will cry
and now it's raining
Oh more hugs
seriously who are you people
Econeconeconecon oh that girl hates me I hope she isn't in my class
She is
and so is my brothers ex who hates me
and she is staring at me like I am the **** of the earth
econeconecon wait what?
I don't like econ take me home
why have I done this to myself?
And there is the stress
ohgod song stuck in my head
go away
well it's a good song at least
I'M SINKING LIKE A STONE IN THE SEA!
I wonder if anyone in here listens to nice music
maybe I should try to make a friend
I should make more friends since most people are still angry at me
or I could sit here and hope they all go away
I like that plan
Okay now trig and there is BEST FRIEND HI BEST FRIEND SAVE ME FROM THESE PEOPLE
The **** do you mean we learned this in algebra
yup i'm skrewed might as well just die now
wait is that kid Italian
he is Italian from Italy what is happening hello
I want to listen to him talk shut up trig I just want to listen to Italy over there
he is smiling at me oh jesus take the wheel
he is probably just amuzed by my extreme level of paleness wait nope he is looking at my *****
done with you Italy go away
trigtrigrigtrig
WHYYYYYYYY GOD, SHOW YOUR HAND
and time for lit
I need sleep or coffee or death
litlitlitlitlit oh this is fun wait that girl hates me doesn't she
yup i'm **** again
I just want to go home
and I really want to play pokemon why do I want to play so bad nope no bad theme song go away no you stop it right now- POKEMON! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND IN A WORLD WE MUST DEFEND
Why can't I be a wizard
Is that the bell
yay school

I find peace in rain drops
I wish to be like them
after they fall they bring life
and life brings hope

hope is all i'm hoping to be