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Devon Aug 2013
I am not good at breathing
everything I see catches in my throat
and causes anxiety to hold my air
i've always been like that
but it's been worse these last few years
until I met you and I swear something cleared
Until I talked to you and I had to worry again
because you
you were perfect and how could I breathe when I had to replay what I had said to you that day
and let my mistakes keep me up all night
breathing is not important when I have thoughts to think
and cringes to feel
and tears to cry
and worries to have
and lists to make
and
and
and
and
and
stop
I stopped talking because you were in love and that is fine
because I was too worried about finals to remember that I even had feelings
so I forgot about you and had the worst summer of my life
as my scars can attest to
and I worried more that summer
about meaningless things than I ever have
I worried so much that I was thrown in to therapy and given pills to swallow
my head cleared but my chest still ached with that pit thats also a knot
Then I met someone and we were fine
but he never understood my kind of crazy and didn't like
how my hands would shake so much I couldn't hold his hand
and how I constantly pulled on the neckless he gave me until it eventually broke
and even after it broke I would scratch at where it hung because that helped me somehow
and how I couldn't kiss him goodbye if I was wearing lipstick because if it smudged oh god
and that I always looked down when I talked to him
and
and
and
and
and
and
and
stop
so we broke up and that's fine because I was never right for him
and things were quiet for a bit
then you
you told me you liked me and I swear I held my breath until you kissed me

and when you pulled away
I could breathe
there were no "and's"
and I wasn't fine I was wonderful
but then you had to leave for school
and I waited for my breath to catch
and bad lists to start
and it happened for a minute
but then I could breathe wonderfully again
because even though you left I still feel happy to have had you
even if it was just for a few weeks
you kissed me
and I believed you when you said nice things
and I could hold your hand
and look at you when I spoke
and I wasn't scared
and had no vices
and I didn't have to stop my lists because they were good lists
for the first time in my life
I could breathe
Devon Aug 2013
I read maps
like story books holding a premonition
each line is a road I will travel
for I will know this world
as I have known my own mind
in my way
this world will become my own
I will hold it within my soul
so that when I die I will have seen all
and known each being to their core
Devon Aug 2013
Bye
You are a fluid definition of a reinvented word
in a reinvented world
you were my one that got away
then skinny love
always wonderwall
and now you're away again
you're my full circle drawn with a shaking hand
that couldn't connect the start to the end
we were always a broken wind up that was worth the tick during the song
we started broken now we're here
with something real that would have been beautiful
if the timing were different
But it was worth the pain
and I will miss you forever
because you're my sun
and i'm your moon
you light me up so bright

so have a grand time but please keep me in the stars
because if you ever want me
i'll likely be looking at them
wishing I could be there with you
Devon Aug 2013
In this brand new world
with brand new rules
of passion play and war crimes
treaties blind trust
and kisses rake the coals
to stir up a flame in a once civil tongue
and that flame can burn but not to the nerves
only to leave scar on my memories and opinions
of you and you
you are gone from my mind once I finish this poem
because you are not worth the reaction in my blood
but you are worth the time it took to write these lines
because it's only kind to say goodbye
So goodbye and be safe
but never call me again
Devon Aug 2013
The Scientist makes sense
because this isn't easy
and I am not ready for you to go
so take us back

you're not even gone yet
but you are already haunting me
through the waisted years
when we should have been as we are now

but I know that isn't true
now is perfect because we are finally who we need to be
not to be right for each other
but to just be right

Is it wrong for me to wish
for more time to kiss your lips
and hold your hand
and just to talk
because I love your voice
and the things you say
make me impossibly happy
you make me so **** happy

maybe it's right that you are leaving
maybe i'm just some filler and your perfect girl is waiting for you
and this is exactly what is supposed to happen
or maybe this is karma
finding it's way back to me
In my past lives I must have been the most despicable of beings
because loosing you just when things feel wonderful
is the worst punishment i've yet endured

I want all of the years back
I want them exactly the same
I just want to watch them over
because I need more time with you
I want to see you for the first time
because I don't even remember meeting you
you were just there
and you haven't been gone from my thoughts since
I want the fresh sting of my freshman year
when I was just some weird girl who couldn't say anything right
I want the end of that year
when I cried because I knew you wouldn't talk to me all summer
because you were in love and I was still strange
I want to remember that kind of pining
the kind that was all what ifs and imagination
I want that moment when we became friends
and nothing more
I want to remember what it was like to just be your friend
but I don't want to linger there
and I want that night when you told me you liked me
so I can feel that jolt run through me once more
And God I want today
I want it to never end
I want you with me, kissing me
and telling me everything is real
I want it all back and I never want to forget

no one ever said it would be this hard
please take me back to the start
Devon Aug 2013
I feel artistic tonight
meaning a mess
I feel like a true poet
who knows of tie dye emotions;
heartbreak within passion
and sorrow for missing someone I haven't lost
well, yet
Devon Aug 2013
I thank the universe each night for the stars
because I know you will always be under them
at the exact moment i find myself
laying awake beneath them
wishing you were here to share my blanket
but no
I would hate for you to see me crying
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