She has seen the worse part of me
Pointing fingers at each other
No you can't blame me
It's all because of you
We would be much happier if you were a better you
Twisting your words
Intentionally
Only because it benefits me
Fighting over everything
Thoughts of ending it over anything
And it's only the beginning
But it feels like this is the end
To immature to let things go
But so are you
Differences never settled
We will never be one
Always split in two

He seen it before
Death
It comes and goes
Taking those he loved
Leaving him behind
Like a used up drug
He's been on this earth
Long before dust
Watch it progressed like dawn
So many things change
But still he remains
Cursed by life
Begging death to take his hand in matrimony
Only to be left at the altar
Him an the years became friends
He's embraced the seasons as cousin
Wrapped winter in summers love
He watch the volcanos give birth to new land
Sat behind the scenes as the Mayans where wiped away
Saw first hands at the Indians demolished by the English diseases
His bitter eyes recorded it all
Each wrinkle holds a tragic story
His head hangs low from the many deaths he seen
He sees the pattern
He knows the ending
He'll be here to watch his premonition come true
The destruction of the earth
Over the decades
He watch it grow  
He witness its first steps
Heard its first words
But until that day comes
He'll watch many more go before him

For long my love would live on
Eternally forever
Like the reign of Dracula
Cursed with these feeling
Like his first taste of human blood
We both thirst
His will drink you dry
I want my love to fuel your heart beat
To strengthen the cartilage between your bones
My love is solid like his castle walls
Strong like his chains keeping the wooden bridge closed
Denying entrance to his fortress
My only weakness is you
Disintegrating my walls
Like the vamp king skin in the sun  
But there's a dark side to my love
Beware the traps doors
Hiding behind the twisting mid evil walls
There meant to keep me safe
More tortuous then the impalement of his foes
Who knows if you can withstand what you see
Once you get a sneak peek of the blood ******* monster inside me
Still asleep in its cage
Hidden inside Vlad secret passage way
But still it's slumbers
Because my love gets in its way

Fits of rage goes off inside my head
I can't tame me
There's an empty cage open
But I can't find a clue what's been set free
Hidden away inside me
Every once in awhile it goes on a spree
Crippling the good part of me
So I've been corrupted from the core
From this unknown disease
Spawned inside  
Pumping through my veins
Any good intentions by another is in vane
They can't be trusted in my brain
I'm my own worst enemy
The inner me
Jealous what it sees on the outside from within
Wants me only for itself
So it fends off anyone else
Because it wants my by myself

Who cares if I take and extra sip
I'm not trying to **** myself
I'm just sick
And trying to get rid of the cold quick
So I took more night quil then intended
But I'm not suicidal
I didn't finish the bottle
I just took and extra sip

You can throw in the towel
Wave the white flag in your hand
Surrendering is your plan
Giving up cause you can
Buried the thought of us in the sand
When you finally walk away
I'll still be here standing
Fighting for you
Or is it out of pride that I can't have you
But I'm not through
Whenever you run out of breath I'll be the oxygen
The power when your lights go out
Even if you hate me
My love won't escape me
When your long gone
Still it will burn bright
Illuminating the night
I promised I'd fight
So I'm not through

I’m not a perfect being
After all I’m human
I don’t have the best smile
Sometimes I find my voice annoying
Like a whaling child
I’m not that tall
To some I’m considered short
Compliments of attracting sent my way
But when I look in the mirror
All I see is faults in my face
I tell the truth
But lie with the best
I don’t have a gorgeous body
Barley have a chest
I have bags under my eyes
From constantly chasing sleep
Scars on my face
No one seems to notice
So that means no one really notice me
I’m not perfect
Imperfections all over me
But the only thing I’ve perfected
Is the mask I wear everyday
I smile and laugh
So everyone will think
That I’m doing ok

My faith in us
Unshakable
Like a Christian praying on his knees
Nothing can defeat us
As long as we believed
As long as I fight
I thought you’d never leave
I thought love conquers all
But now
All is lost
I don’t blame you
I blame me
I thought I could save you
Strip away your pain
I thought I could motivate you to fight
But that seed never sprouted in your brain
I thought I could pump your heart
But it’s hard to love behind a screen
I was foolish
You were 18 years to young
And all the wisdom I’ve gained at 24
Still want enough
I was selfish and stubborn
To think I myself was enough
I’m sorry I could help you
I’m sorry I failed
Your pain has you shackled
I’m to weak to carry your chains
I’ll always love you
I’m sorry I wasn’t the cure to your pain

The world is at a stand still
Only I move
Land mines planted for me to step on defused
I've seen how I end
I conspired against the truth
Words from the TV brain washing my youth
A road already paved for me
But I choose a dusty trail
Off the map I track
My tale rewritten
Edited by the all mighty
In this moment I'm not alone
She walks beside me
My dusty trail is now her own
Conceived on the same day
Out of the cold Birth something warm
In this moment

It's what you always do
Drinking until you can't remember what caused you to
Drown yourself until all the pain is gone
Hydrate yourself until there's nothing left
But the scent of alcohol on your breath
Pour it up until your body is numb
Get faded
Another
Don't stop until your vision betrays you
One more
To get your cheeks blush
Drink yourself into tomorrow
To forget about yesterday
Hoping this next one will send your troubles away
And that the levee of drinks hold them back
Your consciousness on the brink of collapsing
But that's what you toast to

I should've made you laugh more
Until you fell on the floor
Grabbing your stomach from the giggling pain
But now I might not have that chance
Your gone and all I feel is sore
I should've held your hand
And clutched it tight
Now the only way I see your face
Is when I close my eyes at night
I should've kissed you
Until you couldn't take it
Now your gone
And my heart is breaking
And I can't fake it
Should've told you I loved you sooner
But the fear of saying it out loud
I was to scared
To embarrassed
Selfish and full of pride
I should've hugged you more
And not let go
Should've rubbed your back
I know it was always so sore
I should've done more
When I was your man

The memory is realer then you and me
And I know we hate to think about it
But I still remember
How we loved each other so freely
I still remember how carelessly with let ourselves go
You were mine and I was yours
If you were wounded and hurt
If it made you heal faster I'd lick your sores
I still remember how you would give anything to be with me
I can't forget
These memories are realer then you and me
And if thinking about it causes you pain
Just know I'm on that same train
I still remember the first time I said I loved you
I still remember that time i thought I'd lost you
Back then when things were simple and we were friends
But things change
I still remember on the phone I ask you to marry me
To my grave I'd take my love
To my grave I'll except your hate  
But if it's not to late
I hope you remember
I still love you

Being constantly away from you made me no longer miss this
I remember I use to dream of your lips
And wish for your kisses

It must have been the distance

All I we ever wanted
To sit in each other’s bed
Cuddle and hug

It much have been the distance

I wanted kids
And to pick the perfect place to live
Build a tree house
With a huge bridge

It must have been the distance

Visions of us strolling the beach
Hold hands
And playing in the sand

It must have been the distance

Laughed about having exotic pets
You wanted a tiger
And I was going to teach it to fetch

It must have been the distance
All the wishes we shared
Dead
All our dreams
Turned to nightmares
All hope
Gone

It's me who polluted the air waves
Me who un dug the skeletons of the past
Now there demons run rampant
It's me who ******* this up
I treated this "thing" we had like a rug
And I tore it from the floor up
I ripped this un known relationship from the foundations
Threw rocks and shattered the window
Took a sledge hammer an knocked down the brick walls
I'm the plague that killed us
It's not you its me
And I must build this house alone
It's not you its me
Hopefully you'll like to put the blame on me
It was me

If you don’t love me anymore
Tell me
Its okay
Because this
E
M
P
T
I
N
E
S
S
E
That’s settled in
Will eventually
Tear me A  P  A  R  T

For money and gold
For you
His life was sold
Gave his location
In sin you gave into temptation
Then with a greet of a kiss
From your deceitful lips
He was betrayed
By you
A heart that was lost and filled with greed
But in this transaction you went insane
Infected
Cursed
In your realization
You tried to get reimbursed
But your faith was sealed
For the prophecy had to be fulfilled
And as you stood at the top of the hill
Beneath a tree past its prime
You hung yourself
Until the kicking in your feet went

How did I get this far up
And so close to the ledge
Acrophobia
Stops me from peaking over the edge
I can feel the cold steel trembling
Moaning and groaning as it sways slightly in the breeze
Breathing beneath my feet
I heard if you're high up enough
Water feels like the ground
So even if I survived this jump
I can't even swim
I know I'll drown
But I have to
I must
Because you said you'll never leave me
But you left in a rush
And I was crushed
You told me you'd always love me
But where are you now
You're nowhere to be found
Not even in the crowd
That's gathered around
All their talking have been muffled and muted
By the sound of the whizzing wind
Filling my ears
I can only hear my heartbeat
And it's telling me to leap
Spread eagle
And pretend I can fly
But the little faith I have stops me
I've been living in hell so long
I stopped thinking heaven is real
I don't believe in nothing
Not even in you
If you were here
I'd tell you to jump too
Even if you happened to show up
You'd be to late
This is the only means of escape

Your the last person I wanted to see
Nearly had a heart attack
When I saw you on tv
Gagged
Screamed and spit out my food
Painting the screen
And I know the reason your standing up there is me
Ready to end your life
You exposed the insides of your heart
And I couldn't believe I saw me
Scared of being loved to much
I decided to flee
Packed up my things while you were sleep
I had to leave
I loved you too
But just not that much
Now seeing you like this
Destroys me
Wish I was there to tell you not to leap
Step away from the ledge
Not knowing what to do
Almost fell off the couch
I was so close to the edge
Just like you

Leaves crumble beneath their feet
Apes,snakes and wild things
Not safe on the ground
So the weak hide high above in the trees
Stinging bugs
Equipped with poisonous drugs
Spiders hide under logs waiting to ambush
Vines hang low a nature made swing
Blood stained leaves
The aftermath of a prowling tiger
Birds shout from above
As the victim is hauled away like a rug
Fallen trees tell a story
Army ants march in formation
Taking shrubs leaves and hacked up bugs back to there base
Nectar seeking flies get caught in hungry plants
Wanting each other for supper
The unsuspecting get snatched up
The jungle stomach grumbles
Its hunger only grows
Its never satisfied

I’m not big into people that quit
On other people
Because they think their mistakes is bigger then them
A quitter is gods worst invention
In my opinion

Attention to details is something I must’ve missed
Karma is a female
And her kisses are death
She told me my heart belonged to her
And she took it when she left
Batted her pretty brown eyes
And I lose my breath
Suffocated from her beauty
Who did I hurt
My Karmas gotten bad
Ten times worse
Golden hands, fresh pink painted nails
Clinched against my throat
Who did I hurt
Bad karma
Has me questioning my worth
She planted me like a seed
But forgot to water the dirt
Sprouted in harsh conditions
Has me questioning my worth

Yeah you’re right
There’s this gapping whole
Inside of me
And it just grows constantly
Mostly because I feed it
With the thoughts that haunt me at night
And there’s nothing I can do to fill it
It even swallowed my heart
Desperately I try to retrieve it
But no matter how far I stretch my arms
I could never reach it

Keeping my distance
If she was a buzzing bee
I would flee
Scared of the sting
The venom corrupting
Crippling it seems
And I don't like the effect it has on me  
I feel weak
No longer in control
Just one glance
When our eyes meet it begins
Hard to breath
I drop to my knees
I dont have the will to look away
I can feel her love coursing through my blood
What's wrong with me
I fight it
But the sick thing is i like it
This isn't me
Now I know how superman feels
This is the feeling of kryptonite

You won't find a tag hanging from my body
And inscribe on it the word black
No in fact i am not black
I am me

I’m not good enough
That spoiled egg out of the bunch

Joy left me
Sin slept in my bed to much

Too far gone
Pushed off the path

Lost a sense of direction
Can’t find my way back

Faith, dislocated
Broken fingers can’t hold a bible

To embarrass to come to you
I’m not running

How could I face you
Prayer, foreign language

This prayer is my last
If it goes unanswered.....

Words fly from my mouth like a boxing combination
But she just takes it on the chin
I stab at her
Using my words as a knife
But they don't pierce her skin
Instead the steel bends
My words are just cast away
Like sawdust in the wind
I write them down
But it's like invisible ink is in my pen
Nothing phases her
And I like that
She has lead skin

Drip drip
Was all I could hear
From the faucet
Coming from downstairs
The noise like poison
It echoed off the walls
Down the halls
And leaped into my ears
Under the bed I laid stale with fear
Drowning in a pool of tears
Drip drip
Was all I could hear
As it pierced through the silent air
No longer muted by the sound of her screams
Or the sound of the ax
Being whipped through the atmosphere
While it hacked
I heard bones crack
Skin split
Muscles tear
As they were attacked  
Drip drip
Was all I could hear
The smell of blood was so loud
It lingered over my head like a cloud
As I remained hidden
Until your footsteps
Finally went away

Tangy when's she's pushed too far
But sweet is what you really are
Bitter when she's missing sugar
Refreshing
But only when I'm dying of thirst
Squeezed the juices out of her
Now I'm just stuck with the seeds
When our lips touch I feel like I'm kissing the outside peel
Lighting up my taste buds in a nasty way
She can be cold like the ice I've added
This drink is madness
But still lemonade is my favorite drink

Lessoned learned the hard way
Like waving my hand above a candle flame
Sneaking a touch
Even after moms protest
But what child listens
My curiosity has always been strong
Just take scars from past burns as evidence
Be carful son
She taught caution with everything
Everything except the heart
I wish she explained how to navigate these feelings
No advice about girls and which ones you shouldn’t pick from
Trial and error is seems like
But I’ve had more error then success
Learning that what you give doesn’t always equal out to what you get
Subtle lessons about love I wish came quick
But just like the flame
I didn’t know it would leave scars like this
But like a moth…

You said you loved me
But you let me go
Didn't stop me as I stormed out
And slammed the front door
I waited outside
Patiently
Hoping to see my baby chasing me
But you never showed
And it killed me
Broke my heart
As I sat outside
Not knowing what to do
Should I yell or cry
Neither
Go for a Sunday night drive
You said you loved me
But you let me slip from your grip
And crack a smile
As you let me go

I'm sorry
I failed you
I know I promised to always hold on
But I just couldn't keep you in my grip
I tried to always hold you in the palm of my hands
But you just filtered through the seems like sand
Im ashamed to see
All the scars you bare on your body because of me
I let you go
And watched everyone else pull you down
Back riddle with marks
From being drugged on the ground
You always treated some like royalty
But you've never been crowned
I know I let you down
But I'm back now
Tried reaching out to pick you back up
But you just slapped my hand away
And frowned
What don't you remember me?
Aren't I still the person
You see
When you look in the mirror
Aren't you still looking at me?  
I know I let you down
Tried taking care of everyone else
But never looked after me

All you wanted was my love
But I wouldn’t budge
All you wanted was for me to smile
But the pain inside
Steadily beating on my skull
Becomes louder then a whaling mom
Grasping her lifeless child
And I can’t help but scowl
All you wanted was me
But my heart was still taking a beating
From the past memories
I couldn’t feel the blanket of happiness you tried to wrap around me
I couldn’t feel joy
I didn’t want you to love me
I tried to convince you
I’m just a lifeless toy
And I guess I finally got through to you
But you didn’t know
You were getting to me
I could finally feel my heartbeat
But it’s too late
Because you’re gone now
Sorry that
I let you down

Knowing what's it's like to be a stranger in your own home
Feeling like you don't belong
The odd one out
So you sit alone
Blasting music in your zone
Pains of being unaccepted
On the scent of your breath
Wondering what you were put here for

Parents divorced
And they blame you
A broken family
Plague by you
A young girl
Thinking you were a mistake
And this pains you
Wanting your life story to end
To think your family is better off without you
This weight on your shoulders
Makes you feel you've been crushed by a boulder

The sickness come and goes
Distorts your skin
Makes you hide
Hate yourself inside
Loving yourself is hard to do
Doctors says this disease may be fatal
But it's just a chance
And it scares you
Thoughts you won't be here long pains you

He use to beat her
And there was nothing you could do
Your were such a small insignificant child
To step in an put up a fight
You watched your mom used as a punching bag
Hit until you didn't recognize her face
Helplessness is what you felt
Pained you she couldn't count on you

You cut everyone off
Shut yourself from the world
No one could ever be trusted enough
To know the real you
Dad was never around
He was always such a let down
Words never holding value
Putting your faith in anyone else
Would be a costly mistake
Thinking you would be betrayed
So you sit alone
You don't need anyone else
Only trust in you
You made preparations
No one else would disappoint you
But you've always felt you been on your on
A life forever in solitude
Pains you

I saw you gasping
Thrashing

Mouth gaped open
Pearly white teeth

Laughter gone
Misery glued to your face

Dying
Sinking

Blue eyes
Blood shot red

Inches from death
Hero, I am not one

The savior is dead
Threw you a life jacket instead

Saved your life
Except, I'm the one drowning

Look at me
What do you see
Am I a man to you
Do you even still claim me
Am I even your boyfriend
Look at me
Do you even love me
You look at me as if I'm ugly
Or unworthy to be in your presence
Look at me
Do you even realize how you treat me
You're royalty to me
But in your eyes
I must look like a peasant
Who can't afford to buy you a decent present
Look at me
All I ever did was love you
But you spat in my face
Smacked me back ant forth
Kicked the heart I handed you
And said you wanted nothing more then space
I want you to look at me
But I can see you just looking past me
Because if you did
You wouldn't liked the look on my face

I thought I just saw god
But I was wrong
It was just headlights from a car
I was searching for something good
That’s when he sent me an angel
And it’s angle
Fix the loneliness in my heart
For a moment it worked
I submitted to love
Entirely
Foolishly
Once my loneliness was gone
My angel
Sent from heaven
Turned into a demon
An agent from hell
And its goal
Was to leave me depleted
It snatched away the love
Leaving my soul
Empty
Not broken
Not in pain
Not full of rage
No it’s goal was for me not to feel anything
I felt the heat from love
Only for a moment
But now
I’m cold

Her perception is like a abandoned house
Taking over by Mother Nature
Her memory fades as the vines penetrate her aged mind
Not as well built as she was in her youth
Brick walls crumble from the decades
Faces an names no longer meet the connections as they use too
Just silhouettes  
She forgets to remember
The structure of her thoughts weakened by the cracked support beams
The signals in her brain scattered like a school of fish
Misfires makes her forget  
Introductions repeatedly like this is the first time we met
Her experienced eyes look past me
Anyone can see
The disease is eating her memory

I hate that I love you
But love that I hate you
I remember how we used to be
Back then I loved you so freely
It came naturally like breathing
Sometimes painful like a babies teething
In Distress without you like a quitting smoker
But lately hate has been formed
Planted like a seed
Grew quickly like weeds
And if you digest it
Poisonous like stinging bees
Who knows how far my love for you go
But now the hate just simmers like heated coals

I hate that I love you
But love that I hate you
Two feelings intertwined
Playing tricks with the mind
The feeling of loves keeps me on track to you
But your faults twist like vines
Then hate comes between the lines
Staining the love I have
Like spilt red wine
I love you
And hate you
Two feelings conflicting at the same time

I hate the things you've said and done
But you have won
Capture the heart and it's all yours to toy with
I feel like I'm drowning
You're making me drown
Getting so far down, I'm suffocating
But in an instant you pull me back
You saved me
You're my hero and my villain
I hate that I love you
But love that I hate you

She took my hand and escorted me to this cliff
Drawn by the words I loved you and I wish you were here
She was the late night whispers in my ear
But just before he words held value she disappeared
She wanted me to die for her
Loving her was like cutting my veins
The bleeding constant like a stream
She clutched an empty pill bottle
Drowning me in water hoping I OD
Often she was there when I was sleep
With a pillow glued to her hands
I want you bad It's suffocating
Like a plastic bag
She introduced me to misery and we became close friends
But love always stuck by my side
Poking me in the back with a stick
Hoping I'd fall off the cliff
And even though she tries to **** me
Her failed suicidal attempts keep me

We had a bad breakup
And I just couldn't accept
You didn't want to makeup
Came to your door for a talk
But instead you just said no
Take a walk
And wanted me to go
But I panicked
Didn't know what to do
So I reached out and grabbed you
UnIntentionally
And now here we are
Driving full speed down the street
With you in the back seat
Legs bound
And hands tied
Please don't make a peep
I don't want to have to tape your lips
From cheek to cheek
You came with a fuss
Kicking and screaming
Now you just lay there silent
I know you want to speak
Tears streaming down your face
Staring
You won't even blink
I know what you must think
I'm crazy
And obsessed ex
But you're wrong
I tried moving on
But I just couldn't let go
There's no me without you
And if you ask me why
Just know
Love made me

Setting the atmosphere ablaze
Lighting the sky from space
Your end trails of sparkling outgas
Illuminates the sky
As the moon is in its absent phase
The blue in your eyes dances
This would be a perfect time for a first kiss
How powerful the moment would be
Lovers comet gracefully pass above
The feeling of blissfulness flow in its dusty tail
A memory that will forever be held
By its on lookers
Paralyzed
How many couples have named it
How many took pictures and frame this
A unique anomaly  
Only seen twice in ones life
But as it leaves our eye sight
We stare at it as it goes
The both of us
But not together, alone

This puddle I try to avoid
The uncertainty of how deep it goes
I rather not know
So I tip toe
Around it
To cautious to take even a dip
Afraid I might slip

But this puddle  
You splash in
Dance and dash through
Until your clothes are soaked
And It drips from you
Un phased by its weight
As the water tugs on you

It really reeks
Like decaying flesh
It stinks
I try to cover my face
But it still gets through the crevices in my fingers
And fill up my nose
The smell stains my clothes
I even tried to air out
Opened up a few windows
But nothing works
Love stinks so bad
It's starting to hurt

To love at a distance can be torturous, as you always desire closeness to your beloved.

We lived in two different time zones
When the sun rise for me
The moon illuminate the night for her
When I'm wide awake
She's dreaming of a world unknown
I often urge for a touch
To clutch her in my arms
But each thought gets lost in the distance we share
Loving her is harder then loving her if she was here

I’m loyal!
You assured me
I’m as faithful as they come
You won’t ever have to worry or doubt me
I’ll prove it to you watch me
Ok
I’ll believe you
Let’s go outside for some fun in the sun
A few minutes later
You turned alarmingly warm
But we haven’t been out here that long
All of a sudden
The veins under you skin started to bust
I gasp in disgust
You tried to grab onto me
But all the bones were gone
Liquid started to gush from your ears
It appeared your brain was melting
You tried you yell
But your tongue boiled and turned to jell
Even the thing in the back of your throat exploded
You seem to be corroding
Melting like plastic
I guess on the inside
You were really fake

Dogs are more loyal then men
Of course a women created this
But If women are un loyal
Then what does that make you?
The log that the dog plays fetch with
Yeah your the stick
I mean what's more lower then a dog
I guess the thing
The dog plays with
Or maybe
Your the flea or tick
A nuisance
A *****
I mean what's more lower then a dog
I guess the thing
That causes the dog to bite and itch

Hush
Don't say a word
Just sit back an observe
And watch everything I do
As the thirst for my body grows inside of you
You fight to control
What doesn't belong to you
That burning desire you feel inside
It's mine and doesn't belong to you
Trying to fight it is futile
The wicked truth
Is revealed by the flashes in your eyes
And the sweat
Climbing ever so slowly down your neck
Don't be ashamed
It can't be tamed
Instead give in
And let me guide you
Keep your hands fixated on my hips
And your eyes locked on mine
As I bite your lips
And tease you
With short breaths to your chest
While one of your hands venture to my breast
But this is only the beginning of the test
How far are you willing to go
This one time won't **** you
And our wives don't have to know