MTry as I might
I can't fight the temptation
Fueled by rage
I can feel the transformation
The bloodlust to strong to control
And I can feel the beast from within taking hold
Subdued by wrath
I can tell the metamorphosis is taking place
The joints in my jaw start to separate
Making room for the bone crushing  canines to escape
My whole body takes a new shape
Pulsating
My eyes turn a fiery red  
Vision enhanced making it easier to see you
Ears morphed
Now I can hear you from miles away
Nose more sensitive then ever
I can smell you as my prey
Thick furry hairs tear through my skin, consuming my arms
My once human nails
Shed like scales
Leaving a ****** trail
Replaced with claws sharp like fangs
To separate body from its true frame
The sound of my muscle fibers snapping whips through the air
Under this full moon
I become something different
And let the anger overrun me

It’s true
Sometimes I think of you too
And then I get sad
My eyes swell with tears
And I’m on the brink
Of rushing back to the memories
But then I get chin checked
By the way you left
And instead of returning
I inhale
Take a deep breath
And remember
That I’m already gone
But sometimes I think of you too

Another morning
Without you
As the sun rise
The feelings I had inside
When I slept
They melt in the early rays
And eventually die
Good morning
I'm not sorry you weren't here when I awake
Even in my dreams
My thoughts of you are full of hate
It's to late
For your speeches of change
And how without me you'll feel pained
You try to love me back to sleep
So you can creep into my bed
Hoping the way you feel
Can sneak into my head
Good morning
It's another day without you
We will never see that sunrise
Whenever I think of you
Night paints over the sky
An I watch as the sun die quietly

Good news is all they want to hear
So I lie when their near
All the while what I’m suffering with
Whispers in my ear
But my pain you’ll never know
Peering in
But you can never see passed the closed door
Pills gulped behind it
Red
To take away the aches
White to relax
Down the hatch
Splash
What an impact
On the couch I crash
Closed eyes
Helps stop the world from spinning
Motionless
Keeping the contents in my stomach from spilling
Groggy
To weak to adjust my laying arrangements
Text shows I’m needed
Everyone’s so damage
What I’m feeling is back seated
I have no time to hurt

The last time I saw your face
It was naked
Now you bare a beard
It’s weird to see
How much you’ve aged
All your black hairs, outnumbered by the grays
The skin on you face seems to sag
Even your gold tooth looks beige
But what you fail to notice
Is the rage in my eyes that’s hidden behind the black shades
I don’t hate you
But the resentment in my heart
Makes me want to serve you with a right hook
And I wouldn’t be satisfied
Until I felt the snap of your bones
And crack of your teeth
The adrenaline blazing through my veins
Would convince me
The throbbing in my knuckles isn’t real
But as much as I want to inflict pain on you  
I can’t
Because today is my baby sis graduation
Which is the only reason
We’re standing here face to face

What comes to mind
When you think of the color green ?
Money obviously
Or maybe the green leaves
That protrude from the branches of trees like ache
Or does green remind you off the grass
And how itchy it becomes
When it comes in contact with your skin
Or maybe fresh green paint
That drips from a brush
After you attempted to repaint your balcony
What comes to your mind when someone ask you to think of something green
Do you picture a girl screeching and screaming
Because a green toad pounced or her toes Trying to dodge the dangers of the busy highway road
What comes to mind when you think of the color green
I’ll tell you what comes to mine
The green in her eyes
When the sun hit em just right
They sparkled
And danced
I don’t need to watch the burning stars of the galaxy
I have all the twinkling lights I need
Right here
When I looked In her eyes they put my turbulent soul at ease
The only problem
They aren’t next to me
Sometimes I fear they might leave
Then where would I be

This road I walk alone
Haunted by the memories of past lives that aren't even mine
Stuck in a revolving door of lies and empty promises
So I left
With nothing but a broken mind
And a book full of undeveloped thoughts
The terrain is rugged
Jagged rocks and broken branches stab at my feet
Taunting me
But I don't mind
The temptation of knowing the future out ways everything
This tunnel vision makes my surroundings bleak
I contemplated on turning back
But there nothing worth going back to
This treck will be a lonely one
I chose not to pull any down this sink hole with me
Survival is slim for those who don't know where this road go
Hopefully this path I chose wont destroy me
I ignored the warning sign
I dont know where this leads
When I reach the end I know I won't be the old me
But there's always a problem
This fork in the road confuses me
Its been awhile since I walked a mile

Pulls pin from grenade
One one thousand...
There's not much time left
What are we going to do
Two one thousand....
Should we die together
Or should I jump on top of this grenade for you
Trying to protect you from the blast get away!
Three one thousand....
The clock is ticking
We're still in this position
Love,pain,hurt,apologies then love again
Four one thousand...
It's getting old but I still can't let you go
I don't know what to do
I'm confused and hurt at the thought of losing you
Five one thousand...
Wait..I thought we still had more time!
Boom...

Don't shoot me
My hands held high
If I raise them any more they'll touch the sky
Your gun pointed at me
How could you possibly have fear in your eyes
Look in mine
See the will to live
As we both stare down each other
Guess this is what you call a stand still
I dare not move
Wouldn't want you to make a mistake of me charging
Giving you the chance to make your gun breath
Shooting fire and oozing smoke
No I'm not moving one bit
I'd even hold my breath if I thought it posed a threat
But my hands held high can't you see
I'm not a threat
It's you who's threaten me
But you have the gun so your in charge
Does it make you feel more like a man
I'd *** my pants if it helps
To bad I already went
I try to hold back the sweat
But I'm nervous you see
I've never had someone point a gun at me
My arms getting tired
I can't keep this up any longer
But I can see the power in your eyes getting stronger
I don't like the feeling of helplessness
As my arms begin to quiver
You began to smile
I can smell your pride from here
Man it's foul
My arms began to fall
You tighten your grip around the handle
Choking it
But I get a second wind and my arms **** up
POW
as we stare at each other
You lose your smile
Your gun is smoking why is it smoking!
I can feel something
But I'm to afraid to look down
What have you done
I can feel warmness leaving
Why is it fleeing
I'm getting weaker
Your staring in shock
Do something!
Say something!
What have you done!
As I feel my body shift backwards
In the mist of this free fall
I've never seen the sun this beautiful

Happiness is but a fleeting light
For some
It’s like trying to catch lightning in a bottle

Sorry for the brown napkins, tissues and plastic bottles I sometimes throw on you

I have a burning sensation to tear you apart
Tongue kiss you with acid dip lips
And watch you lips bubble and dissolve
You don't know how much I hate you
You say you need me
But I just want to break you
Shake you back an forth
Until you're dislocated from your bones
Trusting you was a mistake
Now I will put all my faith in my hate
I want to see your heart break
As you read the look on my face
I hope you know it's to late
And as I walk away
Look into my eyes
I hope you can see the hate

Stay in the ravine
Where it's safe and calm

The more you get to the top
The closer you get to the brewing storm

I warn you
Trying to flag you down

It's not safe up here yet
But your willing
Because at the top is me

You'd trek through the soaking rain

Fight through the deafening wind

Hike through the blistering cold

Do whatever it takes
Because my heart is what's at stake

But be careful
Up this high is slick

If you get to close
You just might slip

Hello again it's me
You've cast me from your thoughts
In the hopes you could forget
But you can never get ride of me
I'm the thing that keeps you strong
Knocking on the back of your mind
When you thought of letting someone in
Wasn't it I who told you that was wrong
You don't need anyone else
Just me
You're the king in this solitary kingdom
Forever you will reign
And I your lone advisor
The whisper in your ear
I'm that chill
That trickles down your spin
I'm that one passenger
That sits in the back of your bus
Riding shotgun
There's no one that could stop us
It's just you and me
There's nothing wrong with be friends with lonely

I’m sorry poetry
But you can’t save me this time
I use to scribe to you
Until I lost track of time
And the bad feelings went away
As soon as I was done
I didn’t do it for fun
I wrote to you to save me from myself
But now
You no longer help
When I put the pen down
I don’t feel healed
Or cured
I always felt empty inside
But now this time it’s real
Hello Poetry, Goodbye

How could he know he would fall for her
Love was but a joke he would tell to her
She had him aim so high
She was a star to him
So he tried to kiss the sky
How could he know she would capture his heart
She put it on a pedestal
For him to see
In her hand she held the key
How could he know she would be a trickster and deceitful
How could he know she would toy with his ventricles
All it did was beat for her
Her eyes gave him nightmares
Fire rages behind them
But hidden amongst the blue
Drove by her insecurities
Made her feel full of impurities
She used him as a cure
Told him things so he would stay
Swayed his emotions with a kiss
Had him under her thumbs
She was good at what she did
And if he ever did leave her
She would have another guy to comfort her

When body meets ink
And it stains the skin  
When the reward outweighs pain
So it becomes vague
When it's no longer just a needle
It's use as a tool to covey her body a canvas
She has become a stencil
Her skin a piece of paper
The needle a ink pen
And even if you don't understand
The meaning is more then what's on her skin  
It seep into her veins
And now her heart pumps it
She's ok that it tainted her blood  
This ink has become her
A walking collage
But unless you are her
You won't understand her
To her this is more then just a hobby  or sport
It's her life
Tattoos is her art

She doesn't think she's beautiful but ugly
It's strange to me
Its hard to complement a girl full of insecurities
She hides her pride behind her eyes
Those ocean blue eyes
The ones full of love
They shine when the sun kiss them
I swear I get a glimpse of heaven
I feel like I'm floating, no flying
But then I crash
She says I don't make her feel pretty
And it's silly of me
To fail at a such easy thing
My attempts fall on deaf ears
The words "your beautiful"
Never reach the top of her hills
Her insecurities stop them cold
Like the steel around her nose
That finds the sun an shine bright
My complements hides in her blacks streaks
In her golden blond hair
The hair she uses to hides her face
As I brush it away
In that one second our eyes meet
In that one second she looses her insecurities

I've hurt you a lot
Blamed you for it
I'm suppose to help heal your scars
Instead I made more
I'm the reason your crying
I'm causing you much pain
Here's what I do... Even the score
I'll give you a brick
Pretend I'm glass and smash me
I'll give you ammo to my own gun
Shoot me
You know I have a bad heart so here's a stake
I'll supply you venom from the most dangerous snake
You want the upper hand here's all my secrets
Hurt me like I hurt you
Break me
Hate me
Do whatever you have to do
I can take it
But not life without you
Then after forgive me
And after that
Love me

Only when I slumber I find peace
A way to escape this world when I sleep
My soul at ease
Finally
As I lay there meditated
And my heart beats in serenity
And while I dream the stars phase through the clouds
Comforting the ground
But when I shift
The stars spark and turn into flames
Then nightmare creeps around
Like a ghoul
Breath from its nose flashes like lightening
Devastation In my hibernation awake  
Like a grumbling grizzly
When I sleep
But only in its hibernation is a grizzly at peace

A blemish
Purple and red
What went through your mind
At the time
As she ****** on you
And her lips touched your neck  
Was there panic or distress
Or where you so far gone
You didn't care she was attached to your neck
Where was the respect
And now this relationship is a mess
Still in recovery
Unable to move to the next step
How could you betray me
You shattered the trust
Just for one day
But hay  
Enjoy the memory
If that hickey
That wasn't given by me

Feet in the sand
I can still feel myself sinking
Water cold to the touch
The tides roll in and out
Past my ankles
Now up to my knees
And out in the distance
The ocean is as blue as the naked sky
They both seem to never end
Lost in a gaze
The water has risen a bit higher
Now tugging at my hands
Playfully pulling me down
But still in place I stand
Tamed by how calm the water has become
Now that it’s grown
Wrapping itself around my waste
The breeze amplifies it’s frigidness
And now my body starts to quiver
But I’m rooted
And can’t escape this aquatic landscapes
Up above
The last signs of life
A group of seagulls
Passing by
As the water has risen up
Past my neck
Covering my eyes

What happens when the one you love lets you go

Déjà vu
Here before

6ft deep
Who keeps burying me

Ways out
Can never find none

Tools
Forgotten

No shovel
No hope

No string
No rope

Lonely and cold
But lit by the moonlight

Fingernails *****
Hand stained with blood

No grip to climb
No vocalization to shout  

The only way out is through
Dig deeper, you fool

It ended in a flash
As the blast
Shattered my ear drums
Like they were glass
I embraced death
With a hug
As it tugged through my flesh
And turned my heart into mesh
My legs limp  
And as I fell
To the pale earth
One more look into her eyes
And to my surprise
It was I
Standing over her as she died

This will be the death of me
Like an empty bottle of prescription pills
Sitting on the sink
Honesty
Has me on the brink
Sore throat
Drowning myself without something to drink
All because of the truth
But now I see
All you wanted was fragments
Like a chipped tooth
To me honesty heals
Like chicken noodle soup
But to you
It hurts
Guess you rather me tell you the sky isn't blue
Honesty kills
In the first degree
Heart rate dissipate  
Your lips glow blue
And ***** oozes out of you
Your skin temperature becomes bipolar
Hot then cold
You can feel the life leaving you
Honesty kills
Like an overdose on pills

The beginning is sweet like cake
They're all you want to see
Kisses melt on each other like chocolate
Left in your pocket
Hugs a simulation of baked cookies
But this honeymoon stage just a phase
And after its reach its last days
You dug yourself in a grave
Because of the Expectations and misconceptions of how it would be
But it's just an illusion  
You weren't expecting days to be grey right away
What use to be cute
You don't want to see
Wanted them always by your side
Now you can't stand there company
Butterflies in your stomach
Has moved on for the season
Who knows the reason
That this honeymoon stage gives way

Hopefully his forgiveness can outweigh these sins
Use to walk the path of light
But now somehow I slipped into the dark
I've been parked there
Like a car that won't start
Hopefully we can go to heaven
Cause these eyes fall on wicked things
Wondering if I like what I see
Hoping his grace can spare thee
Hopefully we can go to heaven
I want to be what's past the clouds
And I'm saved
This earth is hell and wants to **** me
I pray
That I don't fall into its shackles like a slave
Hopefully we can go to heaven

Throwing pebbles trying to wake you
The moon light is dim tonight
I grab one more and it went crashing through
Splitting the glass like cracked wood
I quickly held up a boom box
To play our song
But instead the sounds of *** noises and moans slither through the speakers
Someone has switched my tape
Plan B a mariachi band tag along with me
Actually they were just three randoms I ran into on the street
So the piercing noise they're making has polluted the air waves  
Rapping your ear
All off tune
There strings ripping apart as they play
Neighbor dogs bay
I finally wave them off saving the day
Or the rest of this night
Now we're at plan G
I skipped C D E and F
Unless you want to see a synchronized dance I made to gone gone
With a hobo who seemed to have rhythm
But only when he's filthy drunk
But plan G will save me and this night
Ready to get off your lawn
The mosquitoes are starting to swarm So here goes plan G a symphony of notes coming from me
Aiming to sweep you off your feet
Hopefully you don't fall from your window
As I start to sing a breeze carry the notes
Turing it into a sweet tune
Dogs howl
Approving
And as you smile and stare
Your eyes shine in the moonlight like pearls
Giving me courage to sing to the heavens
I try to hit high note
My throat cracks and it comes off more like a quack
You laugh
I'm such a hopeless romantic

Lips black from her excessive intake
Fingers stained yellow
From her everyday routine
She inhales chemical warfare
Exhales a toxic stream
Addicted to the nicotine
Even if her choice isn't on the shelf
Anything will do to satisfy the fein
Smoking like today's her last
In two's and three's
Her lack of knowledge makes her thinks she immune
Doesn't believe it's a disease
It already ate the color in her face
Shriveled her lungs with ease
She doesn't notice it's hard for her to breath
Creeped in the crevices of her teeth
Darkened them
Now there bleak and weak
Says she's quitting
So she buys a stock to last her weeks  
Giving up is a struggle
She's just a hopeless smoker

How much do you love me
How much are you willing to prove
Would you build a rocket
bring me back a piece of the moon
How far can you love for me take you
Could you go to another planet and love me there too?
Would you die for me?
I would die for you
Could you run away with me?
I'd take on the world with you
How far would you go
Would you spell out I love you in the stars?
Or am I just asking for to much
Maybe it's to tough
I just want you to show me
That you really truly love me

Hate
Hate
Hate
I tried it your way
I even behaved
But I was only left feeling betrayed
Now I hide in my room
Like it’s some sort of a dark cave
And I only come out
To rebuke happiness
And curse all your names
No one should be alone on Christmas?
What about all the other days

I woke up hungry again
From the lack of food in the freezer
Sometimes I open it an pretend its full
But the pain in my stomach snaps me back into reality
No breakfast again
We try to conserve but the little we have
Just isn't enough
Mom has two jobs
Ironically to feed the both of us
She's working all day an all night for me and you
I wish we could see her
I know your hungry too
So here take my plate
Dont worry your my little sister its what any big brother would do
Im tired of being poor so here's what I'll do
I'll go sell drugs
Even if it kills me ill do this for you

Some people cut
But what I do to myself is much worse
My scars will never show
I’ve gone after my heart
And the things I do to it
You don’t want to know
I couldn’t even put it in words
Hurt me
I’m worthless
Trying to convince me otherwise
Is useless
I’m worthless
One day I woke up
And now I hurt less
I know it’s dangerous
But its also beautiful
I’m not the only one stressed
I’m not the only one who’s life is a mess
So pity me not
Just don’t stand in the way
If you were once a friend not anymore
I’ve chosen to walk away
No one deserves
To suffer along with me
Hurt me

Love tossed you out in the cold
Now you can no longer feel your toes
The color has left your finger
They're no longer useful anymore
You use to love winter
It's the season love introduced herself to you
You two played in the snow until your nose was blue
But when the snow storm came through
When the wind was the coldest
And the snow stung your face
That's when she abandoned you
Took the warmth she brought
Without her
Your just an empty shell
For the cold to just seep into
Love has treated you so coldly
But hypothermia with comfort you

Where is the real me
I'm not who I use to be
When did I become so cold
I know longer feel things
They've become stiff like a corps
Not yet rotten from being underground
Coffin nailed shut
Paralyzed
Numb to the vision of her love
Buried to deep for it to reach me
When did I become so far gone
To selfish to feel things
Why can't I care for someone else
To afraid to let someone in
Maybe this is the real me
Lost inside
On the trek to recover these emotions
Until then I can't live
Because I died

What I felt for you is gone
Naked an bare
I no longer care
I loved you
But no
Your love is polluting my air
It's hard to breath
With these thoughts of you
So much within me
It grows from the roots of my hair
But I no longer care
I'm done chasing
Now I'm just casing what I felt in a bottle  
Hosting it out to sea
And stare as the lapping waves
Gravitate it away from me
And if some how some way it ever makes its way back
I won't be here
Because I don't care

I'm so close to hating you
I can taste it
And I can't take it
So sour and bitter
Come a little closer
Take my hand
So I can break the chain
That had us shacked together
Now I can walk away
With a smile on my face
While you shed tears
As if you were sprayed with mace
If I'm honest
I'd say we shouldn't date

Hurt more times then I’ve expressed
There are things I should’ve let go
But instead I’ve put them to bed
And let them rest in me
Cuffed to past pains
Betrayals turned to chains
That I remain shackled to
So I close
Rather then be exposed
To the world and those that still see life in me
Swatted away attempts to be rescued
As a man hurt is often my companion
Raised and swayed to think that way
But once my perspective is flipped
Failures and lessons turn to small victories
Now I see
How rewarding it can be
To live and to love
Even while hurt
Not completely healed
But still
If necessary a man should live with a hearting heart
Rather then closed one

....

Working behind the scenes
Like a secret organization
The one pulling the strings
Wanting you to give in
Give me your soul an you shall be set you free
Indulge in our ways
In return your craziest fantasies
Will be handed to you
Let the sin set in
Like conditioner
You've been warned about me
So you locked me away
Threw away the key
And the chains you put on
Already rusted away
I tap on the door keeping you awake a night
You like when I beg
Twist the handle as you pray
Trying to keep me at bay
You like the way I sound in your head
I'm a slumbering beast in your belly
My thirst is strong
The hunger only grows
Once you awake me I'd be hard to control
Get lost in the lust
It'll be a beginning to our new life

These three words are getting harder to say
I don't know if the feeling has gone completely
Or if it was ever there in the first place
We've become more distance
And I feel less optimistic
That this is going to work
I use to call you sweet names
But things have really change
And at one time you said I was all that mattered
And I was your world
And now I'm starting to question that day
Wondering what really happened to that girl
One bad episode of life
Has left you feeling not right
I don't want to give up
But everyone else says it's the right thing to do
I've never been the one to listen to others
And trust still isn't a cup I can drink from
If it's passed to me from you
Lately I feel confused
And my feeling felt like they've been abused
But at the end of the day
I made my choice
And I said I'd stay
Because deep down
I love you

You said you love me
But you're a liar
Wrote the three words on a blank piece of paper
Then set it on fire
I gave you everything I had
Put my heart in your hand
All I ever ask was for your love
And in return
I'd give you all mine
Said I would never love you
But I change my mind
I'd do anything for you
But you wouldn't do the same
If I was on fire
You'd pour gasoline on the flames
If I had a gun in my mouth
You'd pull the trigger
Blowing out my brains
If I was drowning
You wouldn't reach out
To grab my hand
But I'd take that bullet for you
If we were in a crashing plane
Here you take the parachute
I'd step in the way of a stabbing knife
Give you my coat in a freezing night
Push you out the way
Of a car running a red light
I'd die for you
But I'm not sure if you would do the same

It's the simplest words
That's the hardest to say
I try to portray it
But don't know how to say it  
These three words have me tongue tied
I hide behind slick words
Spitting out metaphors hoping you understand
They say timing is everything
I have a broken watch
Should I say it now
What if you don't feel the same
I'd surely be in pain
This back and forth affair
Is like a game
But there's not quit or restart
Once I say it, it's out
It's on the tip of my tongue
These words are like trying to chop down a tree
With an antique ax
I hack and hack almost there
Afraid which way it would land
I'll say it then have a quick escape plan
I hope it leaves you speechless
That way you don't engage
When I look at you
I have stage fright all over again
Quick look away
How am I suppose to tell you
I love you

You will never hear me say
I love you
In any kind of way
It won't ever slip my lips
You won't ever see it twinkle in my eyes
If it was a plane on its way to you
I'd shoot it out the skies
So it would never arrive
Loving you is something I could never feel
It will never creep into my heart
Or pop into my head
As I dream in the dark
Even as we lay side by side
There's no reason to hide my love
Because there's no love inside to hide
You will never hear me say
I love you
In an kind of way

Are you even real
Or was it in my loneliness and seclusion
That my imagination created you
Her eyes bright green
As if she knew
How much I find them so attracting
They’re suffocating and almost crippling
It’s weakening
But are they even real
Because when I look in your eyes
It’s almost as if they’re telling me
Go and hide
Behind this coloration
You’ll find deception
But I don’t know
I can’t go
I’ve been entangled in her words
As if she knew what I wanted her to say
I’m her first love
She only wants me
How can I turn and leave
When these words are so poisoning
They race through my veins
Rotting me
And only she holds the cure
Are you even real
I need to know
My mind says no
But when she speaks her voice melts me
And I can’t help but get lost in her ocean
But I don’t understand
To me you’re perfect
From your hair to your smile
But I can’t even hold your hand
Which leads me to believe
You’re just my imagination

Everyones scared of death
Because they don’t want life to end
But I welcome it
With a smile on my face
Sometimes I ask why am I alive
Why am I here
Hoping for an early death like it’s some sort of a prize
Or a twisted blessing
What’s wrong with me
Can’t convince myself that I’m good anymore
But if anyone ask
Tell them I’m doing ok

I left the comfort of your hugs
And ran into the arms of the unknown
Left the door wide open an the keys in the pad lock
Walked away from you an this home
An I'm never looking back
Escaping the grip that's stopping me from breathing
Moods change like the seasons
You say how could I hurt you
This is all that i can do
Is run away from you
You change me
But you hate me
And it's crazy but I don't mind
It's just fine
An I love you but I hurt you
So I'll leave you, to save you from me
I'll miss you
As I disappear like the sun behind the clouds
Just know I'll always keep you inside
But it's over
Nothing really last forever
Just take this as some weird bad weather
I know longer want to hurt you inside
This is all I can do
Is run away from you