I walked up to the edge an you pushed me

I've been here before
Stood in front of this door
The suns out
It's open but inside pitch black
I remembered what happen if I venture inside  
I died
So why am I going inside

Lining the perimeter with explosives
I have to break down these walls
Or this is going to fall
Built this on rotten foundations
Anger still lurks around
Like a slave in a plantation  
Ready to put there masters to sleep permanently
Just beneath the surface
It feeds on the nails
Like a termite
It's down fall
Will rain heavy destroying it all
During the breakdown
The love will get lost in the dust
Withers and shrivels in the smoke
The dream of us has to be brought down  
Wood would crack under the pressure
Glass shatters as it break
The ground shakes
Metal bends  
Anything inside has no hope of being rebuilt again
After the smoke clears
We will clear out the rubble
And try to build this again

This is how I show my love
Let my heart sore above
Like an eagle
And she's the wind beneath my wings
The one that carried me
Now she's the storm that grounded me
The quicksand beneath my feet
I try to fight it but she's pulling me in
This is a battle I thought I could win
Thought she was my angel
But she's a demon
crawling beneath my skin
Trying to posses me, suppress me
My love for her comes a go's
Yea it fade like the day
But she left her mark so it'll always stay
Her gazed captivated me
But Her intentions aren't clear
Even though she's no good she completes me
We clash back and forth
I wont let her win
My mistakes will lead to my own demise
I fell in love with an angel
But to my surprise
She was a demon in disguise

I'm not the type of guy who cares
If you come to me with complaints of guys wondering eyes
You'll just get a blank stare
From two dead eyes
That pierce you
And behind them
You can't see
The trapped anger
Banging from behind my retinas
Wanting desperately to be set free
Desensitized
Not much of a friendly guy
Friends I once had
Never last
I hate people
Like a white racists
Talking about how much he adores the black race
Desensitized from the comforting I've never had
But I'm glad
Who wants to feel
When people aim at your emotions
With the intent to ****
Mine are being kept in a styrofoam box
With a three gage lock
And there they will rot

Your soul is in clothes
Fine Lenin to cover your ligaments
It was your God on Sunday
Prayed to it on Monday
Emotions could be felt in your denim
In the stitches of the fabric pumped life like they were your veins  
Heartbrokenness comforted in your tight boyfriend jeans
In your back pocket sat your heart
Where it couldn't be seen
The expensive products you powered yourself in made you feel like a queen
Inside these clothes you were royalty
It gave you power
Smirked at those who looked in awe
A sin if you didn't look good
You were strong in your religion
Curses those who didn't dress like you
This was your life
An you would sacrifice it all to look this nice

So what should I do?
-Forget about her she's to good for you
I can't stop thinking of her
-Thought you hated thinking of the past
I do
-The past is the past she's apart of it to
I know, I hear what your saying but it's something that's hard to do.
-Just move on
It's not that simple.
-I know you love her but she no longer loves you
What about a second chance.
-Shouldn't have ******* up the first
Well ***** you.
-Well you asked for advice so I'm advising you
You not very good at it.
-I'm just telling you what you need to hear
Guess it's what I get for talking to the voice in my head
-Do is both a favor, forget about her she's forgotten about you

I'm the one that stands out in the flock
Mocked because of my skin
Always pushed to the back
When it's feeding time
At night I'm cast out
Staring at the bright lights in the darken sky
Even if I was up there I wouldn't be seen
I tried to fit in
But it was a battle I couldn't win
Even if we baaah the same
The color of my skin could not be over looked
The way they look at me
I'm just another tree in there way
A predator they try to avoid
To them I'm the disease that killed there kin  
My company is only wanted when the wolves out smart the Shepard dog
So they try to stand behind me
Hoping the wolf will take me because of my deformity
But I'm still here
So many have gone before me
And when your all gone I'll still be here
Ready to lead the ones who's different like me

I feel so low
Didn't think I could get this low
Manage to put myself under the floor
Between the cracks an nooks
And now I'm stuck
With the dust mites
And dead mice
It's been so long
I've raise a pair of dust bunnies
I can describe how the were born the process in which it took
I feel like that last bit of dust you can't sweep up
You think you got it
Until you move the dust pan back
Then sweep until you think it's gone
But no I'm still here
Just been swept thin
So thin if you open the door
Just one gust of wind will be the end of me
It'll ******* away
I've been this way to long
But its my own fault
It's killing me to see me this way
If I could get away from me I would
I'd open that door an let in the wind
At least it would be the end

Speeding on the freeway
Spamming her with texts
Calling her fake
Steady calling
I know you just didn't ignore me
This is the sixth time
You've dismissed my line
She has me so ****** up
But second thoughts plagued me
Going 80
Is racing to her house going to far
It's 12:30am
Maybe I should do a u turn in this car
But I'm already halfway there
Heart pounding
Hands shaking
Running red lights
To angry think right
Just left the gym
Stinky and sweaty
But this has just become an interesting night
Pull up
Crap
This apartment gate is locked
**** it
I'm going to have to jump it
Like the black guy I am
There goes a stereotype
Lucky someone's leaving
Quickly
Jump in the car
I got to get this four door scion through the gate
Running on adrenaline
Didn't even switched gears
I'm so mad
And nervous
Surprised these emotions didn't draw tears
Creeping up the stairs
Being cautious even though
There's no way anyone can hear me
Here I am
At her door
Not knowing what to do
Dude you must be crazy
Doing all this for an ungrateful lady
Ear to the door
Wait is that a t.v
What am I going to do
**** it
You're a man
Knock
And find out
What you suspected
Has already come true

You are only my dad by blood not by association

I mean well
But I can’t stop my mind

I want to be left alone
Not because of you

Because loneliness is what I’ve always known
Currently how I am

I don’t deserve happiness
And happiness is a package deal that comes with you

Visions of us hugging, cuddling
It plagues my thoughts

You’ve invaded my mind
I must stay away from you

That’s what the saddens in my heart say
But my conscious wants you to stay

I don’t know what I should do
So I do what I always do

I’ll distance myself
And hope I don’t lose you

I’m promise I’m nothing special
You caught a glimpse of my potential
You’d fall in love
And catch me climbing out the back window
My heart is frozen over
Emotions colder then December’s weather
I want to be loved
But with me there’s no forever
Don’t bet on me
You can do better

I can take that feeling away
Of you wishing you were never born
I can give you purpose
You know you don't have one
I can give you peace
Excitement
A reason to want to live
Do you want a glamorous life
Do you want power, money and fame
I can take away the shame
That disappointment shackled to your back
I can erase the pain
The heart aches
The embarrassment of others doing better in life then you
I got what you want
You have something I need
But I can't give you all this for free
First there's something you got to give to me
You won't even know it's gone
Like it wasn't ever there
Just sign here
Grant me permission to take something from you
What's a lifetime of happiness
Vs a little soul

Sometimes I feel like the biggest loser
It ***** being unable to trust
I feel like my heart has been ripped out my chest
And chunked
I don’t know what to do
Where to turn
Or who I can vent too
That’s what happens when you lack trust
If I was trapped in a burning building
I don’t believe anyone would come to my aid
I don’t even believe I deserve to be saved
I know I shouldn’t feel this way
But sometimes I feel I’m as useless as a worm
I’m just everyone else’s bait
And the thing is
I’ve tethered myself to the line

Does thoughts of me rise like the morning sun
Does it set your heart on fire
Bright ember red as thoughts of me fill your head
Do you fall in a deep love all over again like someone cast a spell
Does your mind swell like a well Impaled
From the heavens letting go what they withheld
Or does hate perched on your frontal lobe come from behind its veil  
Does thoughts of me crush your soul
Do you become bitter and cold like steal pole in the winter snow
Have you put up safety nets
And when I'm brought up
Do you cast them back out to see
What do you feel when you think of me

I stare at you from behind the glass
Freshly from your mothers womb
You lay there peacefully in this room
Wrapped in white
Your an angel no doubt
There's my baby girl
Mine
Your perfect
Even the heavens rejoice
The sky weeps in joy
Rainbows pierce the clouds
Staring at you warms my heart
Nothing would tear us apart
The memories we will create
Your first steps
Your first words
Even your first heart ache
From the **** you use to date
Will be all on tap
Your fates good deed
I'll protect you forever
I will endure your pain
As I stare at you from behind this glass
All I can say
There's my baby girl

Peer pressures a *****
But I don't care what you think
So you can't pressure me
I don't drink
Or smoke
So you can pass the **** past me
As you choke on the smoke
Until your eyes tear
Oh dear
If getting high is fly
I'll stay grounded
And you can sip on your drink
Until you're on the brink
Of forgetting your name
And in the morning feeling ashamed
Because you text me uncontrollably
Saying you love me
Asking did I still love you
Only to admit
What you said was an accident
And that really wasn't you
You didn't mean it
You're sorry
But that isn't true
Because when you drink
It's something you always do

When the earth is at a perfect stand still
I can feel the tilted axis
Gravity hugs me before the sunlight kisses me
I can feel it weighing me to the ground
When it's so quiet
The presence of no sound is the only sound
I can feel the earths core beating beneath my feet
Pushing and pull
As I walk along the fault lines
I'm up before the birds
Out of my whole before the worms
There's a storm in me
But mornings are to peaceful
To wake up angrily
As I wonder through the darkness
The world never seem so bright

There's electricity in the air
I can sense what it would feel like
I in vision it
My own premonition
When we hold hands  
The static runs through my veins
My hairs stands at attention
Goose bumps arise beneath them
I can feel the charge of it racing through my veins
Powering my heart
I can feel the current
Powered by you
But then
You removed your wire from the circuit
Leaving me alone to power it myself
Now I'm useless
Powerless  
Without you
An incomplete circuit
The electricity flowing through me is no more

Take a walk with me
Down this street
I need your company
Its creepy here
The oozing fog carries a sent of burnt flesh
I heard the stories
This is the devils lair
Quick say a prayer
Keep your eyes open make sure your awake
Falling asleep would be a mistake,a risk you shouldn't take
Its quiet wouldn't you agree
The sound of the wind is our only companion
Trickling through the cracks and windows of every house
And with it the sound of knives
we're getting closer
The smell of melted flesh
sets my lungs on fire
I can hardly breath
With each breath the feel of suffocation
Short inhales helps
I've been here before but only in the dream world
It didn't end to well
I struggle to remember
Then it dawns on me
I look for a sign to confirm what I already know
And there's only one sign that show
Elm street

This is getting harder then before
Putting words together
Like cutting hide from a boar
When I was with you
Ink flowed out of my pen
Each stroke undoubtedly written by you
But now writing is getting harder to do
Who knew
Everything I wrote was inspired by you
But now my well runs dry
Everything I start gets casted into a fired
Caught up in the flames
Before it can see the light of day
Trapped behind a wall of shame
I lost the will to write When I lost you
Now the ink in my pen is empty

Follow me over the rainbow
Through the clouds
To its birthplace an back down
Let's dance through the color spectrum
To the other side of the rainbow
Let's find all shades of green an expose a new one
I'll take you to a place where imagination an creativity roams free
The tress mimic different colors
They seem to dance from the breeze
I'll take you somewhere you've never seen
Where oceans home clouds
And fish swim in the sky like the sea
You can surf the grass because they crash like waves
Even the sun isn't the same it shoots out different colored Rays
This could be our world if your willing to go
I'll show you there's more at the end of the rainbow then a *** of gold

Anger in me rages like flames
Compressed inside a cage within me
But it pulsates like a heartbeat
To much for the steal to take
The cage melts back then break
What's the purpose for this rage
It just causes pain
An scorches everything inside me
Insides like a desolate plain
And what's strange
There's nothing strong enough to extinguish this flame
This plague
Afraid you'll get burned
So I warn you away
There's danger if you step behind the caution lines
So beware
Of this rages that roars in the flames

Delete
Delete
Delete
I erase you
Because you erase me
And it’s how it should be
But wait
That’s not how the movie ends
Would you like me to tell you ?

Many have died during the climb
Some gave up
The reward at the top
Simply wasn't worth the time
Some turned away
Knowing this trek wasn't safe

Then there's you

Started this with an excited looked on your face
But I'm one mountain you shouldn't attempt to climb
My snows to thick
One step and you sunk to your knees
Bundle up tight
I got a wicked breeze
Have a fire lit at night
I'm just waiting for the opportunity to give you frost bite
Kiss you with hypothermia
And when you think you'll all safe and clear
Look out for the blizzard
That will whip you off your camp sight
Hopefully you survive
I have one little thing as a last surprise
A rumble you won't forget
I'd even let you see it peaking over the horizon
Trees, rocks and other debris
Let's see if you keep you faith
After the Avalanche awakes

I would like to believe this to be true
My heart has been longing for such
But im scared
Not for me
But for whatever beauty decided to take a chance on me
My soul that’s been awfully quiet
Whispers
You should have a good woman
But I’m plagued with the thought
Should a good woman have you
The answer is no
While most people carry baggage
I pull loads
Inside I’m cold
Permanently a blizzard blows
My heart is a black hole
Lord knows the affect I would have on you
I’d emotionally **** you
Change you without your consent
Ripped you if your joy
And fill you with resentment
But I cannot lie
I couldn’t hurt a fly
I’m just so damaged inside
It would take a miracle to repair me
The pain I carry is so heavy
I’d hurt you
Just because I’m hurting
Am I worth the risk
Yes
But who would be willing to give up themselves
Just to save me
And if that’s the price you’d have to pay
I good woman does not deserve me

Which one is right
Which one should we believe
How did we began
Were we made by this powerful being
Or something that crawled out of the sea
I don't know don't ask me
Bring together a Christian and scientist
Let them hash it out
One spitting out bible verses
Look it's written so it has to be true
The other countering with facts
And finding why this simply isn't true
Oh look we found this deep beneath the earth
Clearly this shows our birth
Let's agree to disagree
None of us simple humans really know
But they each want us to believe
So I ask you
How were we conceived
Were we made by a powerful being
Or did we evolve from something small

Excuse me miss
Just to let you know
This was everything
Truth be told I sometimes pick up the phone
Just to make sure you haven’t messaged me
Muted conversations
Doesn’t stop the typing
Sometimes I hate the response
Because you just send me silence
But I’m use to the neglect from you
Excuse me miss
Do you sometimes miss me?
Do I miss you?
I run from those revelations frantically
But thoughts of you chase me
Hoping I have the stamina for this marathon
My sprints fall into a jog
There’s no ending in sight
I thirst
But no amount of consumed water cures the dehydration
Because the water wasn’t poured from you
Why must the future be filled with such uncertainty

Her skin was silky blue
Foreshadowing a full moon
Her eyes mystique
But full of life
Bright lights dance behind her eye lids
Hair golden brown braided down her back
Around her neck scales form a silver necklace
Her lips were stained pale green
She reminded me of my once beloved
I fell for her pretending she was you
Flashes of the galaxies is what I saw when we kissed
Milky Ways played in her eyes
She showed me shooting stars
And I wished on them for you
I saw her crash landing when we held hands
She projected scenes from her home world in my head
Like a movie screen
She hailed from Venus
She was outcasted because of her compassion
Out Blasted into space
Shunned by her race
Until she found this place
Pulled her from the wreckage
In my arms she felt safe
Loved me from that day
But my love soon turned in disgrace
Man and Alien
Betrayed his own race
But when I look at her face I still see you
I, she, you and me weren't meant to be
But unlike you
See needs me
And I need her
She came her with more then love
With a pre warning too
Her species wants to invade

There's a lot of pain in her eyes
She tried to hold all it back
But it showed when she cried
She was promised happiness
But It was all a lie
She believed in happy endings
Just not in fairy tales
She burned the pages of her own story
Believed she could start a new
Looking into her eyes
The unwritten story was sown
Painfully crystal blue
Tried love but it backfired Camouflage her hurting behind a smile  
But every once in awhile
You could see the pain In her eyes

Teeth chipped
From when I was clipped
Love is hell
And as I fell all
All I could do was yell
And on my way down
There was no soft ground
Only the concrete
Which eventually I would meet

I like it when you were away
It was easier for everything to be faked
But now that your here  
Everything is real again
I liked it when you were far away
Because then we could pretend
That this would never end
But now that you're here
Wanting to believe in you has just left me with fear
Please go far away
Because now that your here
Everything I felt
Has disappeared

Using words so viscous there almost seen
Like a fist aimed at breakable things
Blows cushioned by anger  
Trying to knock out your false words
I'm far from perfect
You accidentally hurt me
But the spitefulness in me makes me hurt you
You mean well
But I cut deep
You say you love me
But my anger makes those words numb
I lash out like whips with metal tips
Hoping to catch a grip of your skin
The sound of it ripping is refreshing
Now you know what I feel
I'm far from perfect
Un patient then most
I think about ways to hurt you the most
I always threaten you to leave
Then laugh like its a joke
Who's knows why you stay
If my imperfections was a salary
You'd get paid less then minimal wage
I'm a curtain that's already closed on a stage
I applaud you for staying in this scene so long
But all things must end

Perfectly sculptured by the gods
She was a sight to see
Eyes glowing under the moonlight
Our meeting was something like a fairytale
I fell in love the first time she looked at me
The first time she smiled at me
The first time we kissed our hearts intertwined
Beating in unison
She said we would always be
She promised she would never leave me
Two girl in love ready to take on the world
Then she left
She abandoned me
But I will not give up so easily
She will always be mine
Whoever gets in my way will meet there demise
Always watching from the shadows
Lurking behind every corner
The memory of her face color of her skin
Branded in my mind
I can't stop thinking of her
How much she hurt me
And if I can't have her
No one can
She will only live on
In my memories

Did my desires get set ablaze
How bad was the flame
Numb to the point
That I still can’t feel a thing
Third degree burns
Am I still on fire
So use to the warmth
I’m unsure
Tossed in the sea
But evaporated the liquid around me
To intense the heat
Fuel by thoughts
I try to keep it contained
But it rises out of the depths
Keeping anything and everything in check
Can’t find the ways to ***** it out
They just get caught in the blaze

Your were my first
And I fell so fast
Like a car crash
I wasn't ready for the impact
Unable to brace myself  
It felt like I smashed into the dashboard
Still in shock
That this actually happened to me
I couldn't keep It all intact
And I acted so recklessly
But knew you too loved me
And if you'd ask me
I'd tell you I had no regrets
But one
I wished I didn't act so carefree
But I never had anyone care
As much as you did for me
Sometimes I wonder
Why did I even let myself fall in the first place
Because I just landed on my face

Light me up
Or set me ablaze
I spread quickly
Taking each and every direction
I move rapidly you give me time there's no way you going to stop me
My goal is to reach the heavens
You try to put me out
Turn me against myself
Either way your going to get burned
Think you can control me?
My rage will leave you amazed
Fueled by the air around me
Get in my way  
I'll burn you and your past away
My path is undetermined
But destructive all the same
I wont stop still the ground beneath my feet is scorched
Till every tree is charred
Once done ill slowly creep, sink into the ground
Hide underneath the ashes and sleep
Until its time
To show my flames once more

I can smell your Cologne lingering in the air around me.
But I can't touch you.
I can feel  the sweet touch of your lips against mine.
But I can't respond back.
I can picture you smiling at me, with the twinkle of happiness in your eyes.
But I can't open mine.
I'm here in the darkness but you're my light that keeps my memory going of you.
I can feel myself growing closer to the darkness.
Your scent slowly disappearing.
I hear you calling my name, for me not to leave you.
I can't do anything, I'm floating away, choking on the darkness that surrounds me.


Its been a year now
I visit you often
You've gotten pale from the lack of sunlight
I sit at the edge of your bed
Biting my nails
The tale of us is no more
You lay there motionless
Stale
I kiss your cheek always
Your presence is fading
I whisper in your ear
Waiting for confirmation that your still there
That you haven't left  me
Tell me you still love me
That you'll be home soon
But I can see your deteriorating
I can see your not coming back to me
Can you hear me!
Dont go
Stay with me
But I can see now
Your will is to live on is floating away
I can see you giving up on me

Even when my hair turns grey
When I have to wear dentures
Because my teeth no longer want to stay
Even when I need a cane
Because my legs shake when I stand
When the officers confiscate my license
Because I can't stay in one lane
I will love you even when my eye sight fades away
When my ears hangs lower then my face
I will love you forever and a day
Long after my back gives out
Even when deafness forces a hearing aid
When my hands shake uncontrollably
Never would my love go away
I would love you even when my kidneys give
When my brittle bones leave me bed ridden
My love would last when the days of prune juice becomes my friend
Even when clinching my hands Becomes to much to stand  
Old age would only intensify it
Even though my memory fights me
When I think of you it looses its battle today
I will love one thousands years
And tomorrow I will love you one thousand years more
Forever

If you can forgive love can truly live
Letting go of what scared your past
Clears out your walking path
Holding on is a poison that destroys you
Corrosive
Deteriorating your heart
A venom immune to any cure
Forgive
Lifting the straps holding you down
Your bound no more
Only when you forgive can you truly love
Only if you can forgive

Am I special enough to always be on your mind
Or was I just a good dream
That you couldn’t remember once you were awake
Have you finally forgotten me
Are does thoughts of me run through your mind

This morning is the worst
I woke up to a mind that doesn't seem to work
As I glance in the mirror
I've age twenty years
The black in my hair and beard
Have disappeared
My ears that were once youthful and healthy
Sag like a purse hanging from a woman's shoulder
And now it feels like I have no teeth
There floats a pair
In a glass full of some sort of solution
Smiling at me
This is to much for an old man
Last night I went to bed with tight skin
Only to awake this morning
With it hanging from every end
Yesterday I was twenty five
Today the wrinkles in my face
Suggest I'm pushing fifty five
Where did the years go
I play my head like drums
Trying to force the confusion out of me
How did I become such and old man
Without there being any memories to remind me

An experiment
A tortured soul
Murdered, put back together by a man with crazed fantasies
Body part stolen from the worst kind of poets
Ones with maniacal thoughts
Hands taken from a poet who murders his family in each line  
Heart taken from a poet who gave into the hate
He writes about broken relationships
Legs taken from a poet drowned in depression
He writes about failed Suicidal attempts  
Feet from a poet who walks hand in hand with the darkness
His midnight poems about the demons that haunt him
I was a tragic success
Each stitch sealed my fate
A combination of the worst kind of poets
A monster
Something you dreamed about
Something i see in the mirror
Normality is a star in the distance
I wish I could reach
You can't look past these scars
You get lost in between my lines
I've been painted as a monster
Given the name Frankenstein
A symbol of fear
But you fear the wrong one
I am not Frankenstein
No
He's the real monster that created me

Am I falling
Or am I gliding
Is this me dying
Am I passing over to the other side ?
The ripples in skin says other wise
As the wind whips past me
Screaming, blasting in my face
I descend faster
Gaining speed
Into the blackness
The darkness
I fall and fall deeper darker
Almost reaching the ground
I pull the parachute
There's still a glimmer of hope
A chance my life will be spared
Is there anything I should live for
No nothing
I'm to close to the ground
For the parachute to matter now

She smokes
She chokes

She laughs
She cries

Blue eyes
Blue sky

Salty tears
Stained eyes

French inhale
Exhales soot

Laughter
And death

Clouded lungs
Foggy room mixed with ***

She can't admit she's hurting
She can't accept he's gone

She smokes
She chokes

She cries
Gets high, she French inhales

Not everyone who say they love you really do, beware

I once read

You shouldn’t fight to stay with someone
Who does nothing to keep you
Maybe this is true ?

At first glance
The suggestion of us being friends
I couldn't take
It was met by my hate
I wanted to hit it
And drag it to the side of the road like it was a deer
But in my haste
I made it clear I wanted to date
And now I'm shaken
By the second thoughts that appeared
And I don't know if I should mow it down
And watch it struggle to live in my rear view mirror
Or run with it
I shot down friendship
As it sailed across the sea
And now what's left
Is you starting at me
Trying to put back the pieces from the debris